friday march 30

today i was in the kitchen with my mother when i noticed an appointment card on the counter for a dr. gary neumann. this prompted a lengthy exchange which began with her looking confused when i exclaimed, "hah, gary neumann!" and ended with her looking equally confused after i had extensively quoted lyrics from gary numan's "cars."


thursday march 29

today i bought a foot-long sub, intending to eat half today and the other half for lunch tomorrow. when i got hungry and ate the whole thing, it left a significant six-inch hole in my future lunching plans.


wednesday march 28

today i dropped 75 dollars on a single concert ticket, marking the first time since i saw the tragically hip in the ninth grade that i spent even half that amount on a single show.


tuesday march 27

today i had my first full day with my new 'desk fan.' it is quite small, and entirely child-safe, which prompted me to stick my fingers into the moving blade approximately 50 or 60 times over the course of the day. the sound that this produced was not unlike the sound a lawn mower emits when it runs over a moderately sized stick.


monday march 26

today i balled a bit on my backyard basketball hoop for the first time this spring. despite my sweeping off the 'court' before i played, as thoroughly as i could without getting tired, a few remnants of dried dog poo stuck around and prompted some fancy footwork on my drives.


sunday march 25

today i received myspace friend requests from two separate girls whose 'about me' sections both highlighted that they "love both guys and girls," bemoaned the fact that "myspace doesnt allow naughty pics," and invited me to watch their webcams! what a weird coincidence!!

saturday march 24

today i looked on as a young boy, approximately four or five years old, cried while getting his hair cut.


friday march 23

today i walked my dog for the first time in seven years.


thursday march 22

today i got on the bus and headed immediately for the only available empty double-seat. as i went to sit down, the girl in the seat in front began moving her stuff off the aisle seat beside her, as if i'd wanted to claim that spot. when i settled behind her, she asked if she should move her stuff, or if i was okay? i was good. about 10 minutes later, she removed her headphones and began making small talk, which lasted for the rest of the bus ride. by the time i got off the bus, she had determined that, entirely by coincidence, i had been in her kindergarten class, 15 years ago. i have no recollection.

wednesday march 21

today i watched and admired a seeing-eye dog performing its tasks for a few moments. when it eventually walked its blind owner out of sight, i briefly wondered if there were any seeing-eye dogs out there that were smarter than me, but quickly shut down this line of thinking out of fear of what kinds of answers it might yield.


tuesday march 20

today i forgot to wear my coat out on two separate occasions, not because it was particularly warm -- just because i'd left it upstairs and didn't want to go get it after i'd put my shoes on. hello spring, welcome.


monday march 19

today i went to pour myself a bowl of froot loops and found the box opened on the wrong end and with a tiny and impractical pouring hole cut in one corner, as if it were opened by someone so anxious to get to the goods inside that they paid no mind to the protocol of cereal box opening.


sunday march 18

today i began to worry about the long-term stablility of my kitchen ceiling, following the arrival of a slow leak in addition to the long crack that runs along another section.

saturday march 17

today i was walking downtown when i passed one guy yelling angrily at another, telling him not to put his hand behind his back like he was a cop; that that wasn't cool and he knew it, man.


friday march 16

today i left a concert early for the first time in two years.


thursday march 15

today i learned how to tie a tie; almost, again.


wednesday march 14

today i passed by someone that bore a striking physical resemblance to a friend from my younger years. when i began to reminisce about this childhood pal, i suddenly realized that the person i was remembering was, in fact, not an old friend, but rather goldberg (the goalie) from the mighty ducks.


tuesday march 13

today i was waiting for a bus at dundas and richmond with my headphones on when i was asked by a random guy if the 12-wharncliffe bus had passed by in the last few minutes. i told him that it hadn't in the five minutes i'd been waiting at the stop, and put my headphones back on. then he told me that he was going to costa rica. i briefly mulled telling him that the 12-wharncliffe didn't go that far, but instead reluctantly took my headphones off and listened for several minutes while he regaled me with stories about his brother and sister-in-law living in costa rica and how they'd been peed on by monkeys, while my 2-dundas bus broke new records for tardiness.

monday march 12

today i slept on my couch instead of my bed for the third night in a row, by choice.


sunday march 11

today i excitedly sat down at 6:00 pm to watch the ncaa tournament selection show on cbs. as the bracket slowly filled up with teams i knew nothing about, i realized that, although it felt like i was much more into college basketball this year, this really just meant being familiar with five teams or so, instead of zero.


saturday march 10

today i rented an oscar-winning film from my local rogers video. the kid behind the counter looked at it and exclaimed that he'd never heard of it or even seen it on the shelves. this exchange made me even more embarrassed to have never gotten a call back from the store when i dropped my resumé off there years ago.


friday march 9

today i wore khaki pants for the first time in what must have been about a year. i was intending to look 'nice' for a potential job interview but then i ended up not having the interview, and got slush and mud all over the bottom of my pants, effectively ruining the nicety.

thursday march 8

today i dreamt that i just couldn't take life on a small deserted island any more and decided to attempt to escape. i was the five millionth person to venture into that part of the ocean (it had a 'views' counter like a youtube video) and some sort of seaman who was bringing more people to the island, as i left it, warned me that no one had ever escaped alive. i responded, "i'd rather take a one in five million risk than stay here any longer!!" not only was my odds calculating totally off (more like 0 in 4,999,999 there), but this stance was so antithetical to what my real-life reaction to such a situation would be that i'm shocked my subconscious even went there.


wednesday march 7

today i was tapped on the shoulder while taking the bus home, and asked by a high school kid if i had a cell phone on me. i did, but said that i didn't, because i'm anal about my minutes, was wary of his intentions, and, quite frankly, didn't like his look.

tuesday march 6

today i bought a used copy of houston's "i like that" single. it has six versions of the song on it, four of which i can't tell apart without the aid of the track listing.


monday march 5

today i switched cds while driving along the highway for the second time in two days. in those few seconds while i switched it up, the radio came on, and for the second time in two days, "l.a. woman" by the doors was the song playing.


sunday march 4

today i received five text messages from a random phone number that once sent me a message that said: "hey hey long time no see" (i replied asking who it was and never got a response). these messages read as follows:

1. "are you?" (6:14 am)
2. "you? where are ya" (6:25 am)
3. "you? where are ya" (6:27 am)
4. "hello" (7:35 am)
5. "hey, whatya up to?" (10:36 am)

i suspect that at least two of the following criteria apply to the sender: wrong number, odd sense of humour, sunday morning drunkenness, mild mental retardation.

saturday march 3

today i replaced the water bottle i'd been refilling and using for three months with a brand new one, complete with fresh water!! i noticed no difference.


friday march 2

today i put the final pieces together in a puzzle that i began quite some time ago. it was less emotionally fulfilling than i'd hoped.

thursday march 1

today i passed by an elderly couple who were walking along with a small child, likely four or five years old and presumably their grandchild, on a leash.


wednesday february 28

today i played a mini-xbox game that i found at the bottom of a box of cereal!! they sure don't make cereal toys like they used to.