monday july 30

today i ended up walking eight blocks in order to meet a friend at a meeting point that was two blocks away from my initial starting point.


sunday july 29

today i experienced a full day of dull pain in my right shoulder, after playing a little too rigorously in three matches of nintendo wii tennis yesterday.


saturday july 28

today i had a dream in which i was involved in an even more catastrophic shooting incident than columbine or virginia tech. i was neither a shooter nor a casualty, but saw gunshots fired and made a hasty escape. while the dream was fairly vivid, i became convinced, in the aftermath of the incident, that i was, in fact, dreaming. another character in the dream (rose, from lost) assured me that this was not the case: the shooting incident had happened, and she encouraged me to google it if i didn't believe her. with no computer in sight, and in an attempt to deduce whether i was really awake, i eschewed the traditional pinch of oneself (it's never worked that well for me), instead picking up a little twig and snapping it in half, to see if its sound and texture were 'lifelike.' they were, meaning i need a new technique to determine my level of consciousness. suggestions encouraged.


friday july 27

today i had an impromptu song sung about me in public.


thursday july 26

today i watched two innings of a houseleague baseball game between kids who appeared to be approximately 10 or 11 years old. during the first inning, i decided on a favourite player, a kid playing right field for the browns. in the next inning, i was thrilled to see him take the mound, expecting him to shut down the competition. instead, he gave up so many runs that the 'mercy' rule took effect, the browns lost the game, and i was sort of regretting my choice of favourite player.

wednesday july 25

today i received a facebook message that read as follows:

"hmmmm i wonder just all i need to no is if u were at wonderland on Monday July 23 2007 wereing a yellow and white striped shirt and u were standing with your friend Zack and u were in line wating to go on the minebuster as u were waiting were u talking to a girl with a whits shirt that had a pink bage and a walkietalkie if so plz add me becuz i was that girl."

this girl is 16 and i have never seen her before in my life.


tuesday july 24

today i attempted to differentiate between current new york indie rock band the walkmen and '90s canadian alternative rock band the watchmen for a fellow patron of the alex p. keaton bathroom. this prompted him to make a joke about 'adiohead,' not to be confused with radiohead.


monday july 23

today i was generously provided with four bags of groceries by my mother in the evening. by the time i went to bed at night, i had eaten every piece of junk food from these bags.


sunday july 22

today i received a spam e-mail in which the sender (xaviar) vowed that he was "ready to kill myself and eat my dog" if medicine prices at his advertised website were bad. his message concludes that "my dog and I are still alive :)" leaving me to believe that the prices met his standards after all.


saturday july 21

today i was walking home from downtown when a limousine with the letters 'mib' on the back drove past me, leaving me to believe that the 'men in black' are real after all, though less subtle than their big-screen portrayal would suggest.


friday july 20

today i watched r. kelly's trapped in the closet (chapters 1-12) for the fifth time in the span of just over a week.


thursday july 19

today i found out that a former colleague of mine at stylus magazine won a $250,000 prize on the television show: world series of pop culture.


wednesday july 18

today i sang along to the bridge of dan deacon's "snake mistakes" approximately 20 times in a row in an attempt to nail every word in a refrain where not a single half-beat is allotted for breathing.


tuesday july 17

today i put off my back-in-the-country grocery shopping for another day and got by on meals consisting solely of cereal and peanut butter and jam sandwiches.


monday july 16

today i arrived home at my place after being out of the country for five days and noticed, as i was entering, a note slid under my door. i initially expected it to be something from my landlord or perhaps the neighbours living below me, and instead found the following message: "dear luke, we came by to fuck you but you weren't here. love, tara and michelle."


sunday july 15

today i assisted in teaching the meaning of the word 'dink' to a chicago cab driver.


saturday july 14

today i stood next to a group of kids as they created and performed an extensive dance routine during a professor murder set.


friday july 13

today i witnessed a rap performance in which the number of black men onstage more than doubled the amount of black men i could spot in my general section of the tightly packed audience.


thursday july 12

today i waited in a parked car on a chicago street while an acquaintance visited a nearby house to see a large black man named leno about buying drugs.


wednesday july 11

today i ran through the sprinklers in victoria park at approximately 2:30 am.


tuesday july 10

today i witnessed the following things within the span of five minutes at dundas and richmond:

a. a middle-aged woman observing to no one in particular that the 12-wharncliffe bus was due in four minutes, then rooting "come on wharncliffe!!" and clapping boisterously upon its arrival, as if it were a race horse that she'd bet on to win.
b. a man sporting a t-shirt that read, below a picture of a dog: "sparky 2000-2004, i miss you boy."
c. a guy with both a rattail and a hot girlfriend.

monday july 9

today i spent some time using two computers at the same time, so that i could quickly switch to the second one when the first one crashed, without having to wait for the two-minute restart process.


sunday july 8

today i dreamt that i received a voicemail from an indian man pretending to be avril lavigne.


saturday july 7

today i received such an overwhelming lack of response to an evening flurry of outgoing text messages that i began to wonder if my phone was even functioning properly; it was.


friday july 6

today i was about to use my bathroom with the bathroom door open and my front door unlocked, when i received a phone call from friends standing right outside my house and about to come in. this incident made me sufficiently paranoid about unexpected drop-ins that i intend to exercise proper bathroom-door etiquette from now on, despite the fact that i'm the only person living in my house.


thursday july 5

today i expressed opinions about hockey on the radio, despite the fact that i know so little about hockey that i could not even name three players on the toronto maple leafs.


wednesday july 4

today i earnestly compared a pair of hot-dog eating record setters to mark mcgwire's and sammy sosa's record-setting 1998 home run seasons, asking seriously which was the greater achievement on the spectrum of human existence.


tuesday july 3

today i watched the film saturday night fever for the first time, and was shocked to discover that it was not the feel-good dancing story that the soundtrack had suggested, but rather one filled with depressing twists and tragedy. though, admittedly, the dancing did still make me feel pretty good.


monday july 2

today i extensively discussed which disney character is the hottest for the second time this summer.


sunday july 1

today i intended to walk over to harris park to watch the 10:00 pm fireworks, but was dissuaded from pursuing this plan when i began to hear loud bangs coming from outside and looked at the clock, which read: 10:04.


saturday june 30

today i played a game of cranium in which one player described the character of dr. jekyl and mr. hyde as "a man with a phd... but also a lady that likes to wear leopard skin."