saturday august 30

today i had a dream in which i was part of a group of about 10-12 people who were charged with spitting an impromptu freestyle rap that promoted chicago. as my fellow competitors (because i think it was a competition) performed ahead of me, and my turn inched closer, i began panicking, as the only rhyme i could think of was "head room" and "bedroom," which i could barely spin into a line that made sense, let alone spoke positively about chicago.


friday august 29

today i was driving home from work and, as usual, had my windows down while blasting a rap cd. as i pulled up to a red light at oxford/hyde park, lil' wayne's "dipset," a particularly offensive selection, was playing. so when i noticed a car in the lane to my right pulling up and slowing down beside me, despite the fact that there were about two or three car lengths of space in front of him, i became concerned. i glanced out of the corner of my eye and realized that the driver was a black guy wearing a slightly tilted baseball cap, and was trying to get my attention. paranoid at being called out for the music i was listening to, i quickly turned the volume down to a barely audible level and looked hesitantly out my passenger-side window at him, waiting for the mockery that was sure to come. "hey man, do you know if i passed platt's lane already?" he asked. i was so relieved at the innocuous line of questioning that i quickly blurted out the only slightly helpful response, "yeah, it's back there!" and gestured behind me. he nodded thanks and pulled away, leaving me to turn my music back up, though not quite as loudly as before.


thursday august 28

today i received an e-mail with an attached photo of two of my friends holding up a sign that reads: "luke is a bitch." the photograph was taken last december.

wednesday august 27

today i walked into a nearby meat shop on my lunch break. for the past six weeks or so, i'd assumed that their business was solely frozen meats and the like; an m & m's meat shop-esque store. upon entering, i was shocked to see that they featured an extensive menu of lunch items, including shawarmas, burgers, kabobs, and even ice cream!! it made me feel as if i'd been missing out on a gold mine of lunchtime opportunities over the weeks.

tuesday august 26

today i was going through my usual early-morning motions, which involve getting dressed as late as i can before leaving for work, so that i'm forced to wear 'work clothes' for as little time as possible. unfortunately, about four minutes before leaving, i realized that i had no ironed shirts. i found one that looked relatively free of wrinkles and hurriedly ran the iron over it a few times before throwing it in and heading out the door. for the rest of the day, whenever i looked down or in a mirror, i was irritated by a gigantic wrinkle on the right side of my chest that i'd missed in the 60-second iron job.


monday august 25

today i had a discussion with a friend about the origin of the wire nickname 'wee bey.' though it seemed that the most literal definition -- little boy -- was severely lacking in street cred, we theorized that perhaps it was one of those opposite-day things that street hustlers do, like how you call a fat guy 'little man.'


sunday august 24

today i came home from the bar a little before 3:00 am and excitedly turned on the spain/u.s.a gold medal men's basketball game. although i'd had a few beers and the game was poised to run well past 4:00 am, i felt confident i could stay up to watch the whole thing. through three quarters, i followed every basket, admiring rudy fernandez's three-point shooting and spain's ability to hang with the americans. then, all of the sudden, i woke up on the couch and realized new programming was getting underway on the television, as i'd slept through the entire fourth quarter and post-game coverage.

saturday august 23

today i spent a 15-minute bus ride behind quite possibly the five least likeable people in the world, as they 'accidentally' rang the bell for stops multiple times and spent a good five minutes explaining to each other why the question "if you were on a bus full of homos, would you get off?" was perfect because you were screwed no matter which way you answered it!! HA HA HA!


friday august 22

today i was preparing to write in the tip amount on my t.j. baxter's dinner bill when the waitress began making some particularly good small talk, after finding out we both went to london high schools. although i felt a nagging awareness of being manipulated, this nonetheless prompted me to write down an extra dollar on the tip than i otherwise would have.


thursday august 21

today i parked at a campus parking lot for my radio show, arriving at about 5:30 and paying for an hour's worth of parking. although our show runs until 6:30 and my validation was only good until 6:31, i was confident that i'd be down quickly enough to only be a couple minutes late, and there was no chance i'd be so unlucky to get a ticket in those two minutes. after the show ended, we spent an extra couple minutes at the station saying goodbyes (it was the last show my two friends would do) and, as were leaving, i joked that we couldn't be wasting any time, i only had until 6:31. about one minute after i made this joke (approximately 6:34 now), my car came into view, and i noticed two parking attendants inspecting the dashboard. i burst into a run and, at the last second, was able to get their attention and avoid being ticketed, now having learned never to take even those extra two minutes for granted. they're like hawks.

wednesday august 20

today i took my first and last sick day of the summer at work. after calling in sick, i began to think about all of the things i was going to do and accomplish during the day, now that i had at my disposal what amounted to basically a free 9 or 10 hours. upon excitedly brainstorming these ideas, i first decided to get a little more rest, and promptly proceeded to sleep through approximately the next 7 hours.


tuesday august 19

today i walked to the nearby little caesars on my lunch break to order a slice of pepperoni pizza. the little caesars run has become a staple of my work lunches; with few options in the area, and rarely enough time in the morning to actually bring my own lunch, i fall back on little caesars upwards of 3-4 times a week. this means that when i order a 'slice' and the employee of the day cuts a 'slice' from a full pizza, i know exactly which of those teenage employees give me three small slices of a regular pizza, and which ones stiff me and only give two. today, upon walking into the restaurant, i noticed that a new employee was behind the counter. i ordered my usual slice and eagerly awaited to see if he'd be a two guy or a three guy. upon taking my box from him, it felt full and heavy, and i was pleased to add another three-piece worker to the rotation. upon opening the box, however, i realized that this wasn't just any ordinary run-of-the-mill employee i was dealing with here: this dude gave me four slices. that's half a pizza!! i got a better bang for my buck buying a slice than i did buying an entire pizza!! from this day forward, i hope to see his sweet face on my lunch break as often as possible.

monday august 18

today i set multiple alarms to wake myself in the morning. it's something i've done before if i have reason to believe one just won't do the job, though i often don't do it when it counts. in this case, however, my decision was sound. after sleeping through one alarm, my emergency alarm clock went off. having always turned it off before it was needed in the past, i had no idea just how loud it was, and when it roared to life sounding like a bona-fide fire alarm or something, i awoke in a panic. the adrenaline rush from such an awakening, though initially quite irritating, probably helped me a little in surviving the day on only three hours sleep.


sunday august 17

today i was at a friend's place before going out to call the office, searching through tv stations in the hopes of finding something exciting to watch. my expectations were exceeded when i stumbled across the last 40 minutes of titanic, which entertains and bothers and affects me more every time i watch it. by the time celine dion wrapped things up in the final credits, i felt more depressed than i usually do before heading out for a fun night of partying.


saturday august 16

today i spent my bus ride downtown brainstorming a list of guidelines and rules to abide by during nights out. though the list is still in its formative stages, i'm very excited about what i'm tentatively calling the downtown manifesto, which i hope to unveil in time for the peak of drinking season (you know, back to school).


friday august 15

today i received the following card from my aunt, in commemoration of my impending move:

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thursday august 14

today i drove directly from work to campus, for my usual thursday afternoon radio show. through a series of delays due to construction, traffic, a broken-down car, a poor decision or two and a detour or two, i managed to make it to the chrw studio precisely zero minutes earlier than i would've if i'd just taken the incredibly lengthy bus route there.

wednesday august 13

today i was standing in line at the westmount mall movie theatre waiting to buy tickets, when i saw two teenage dudes attempt to buy tickets for pineapple express. the girl at the box office asked for photo identification, the movie being rated 18a and these kids looking well under 18. after 15 or 20 seconds of obviously futile 'searching' they were unable to produce any id, and were turned away. though these kids didn't look particularly likable, the dejected manner in which they slunk away, embarrassed and with their evening plans thrown into disarray, made me feel pretty sorry for them.


tuesday august 12

today i saw a muscular, tattooed man in a tank top running along richmond street carrying a large plastic children's toy.


monday august 11

today i was walking to my bus stop before work, when i approached a lawn i pass every day. two or three times a week, its sprinklers are going full blast as i attempt to sneak by on the sidewalk. having now maneuvered through the jets of water for weeks now, i've become entirely accustomed to the routines they take, and the directions they rotate. as i walked along the sidewalk, past the sprinklers, without breaking stride or getting even a drop of water on me, i felt a little like i was link, in the legend of zelda, sneaking into the castle at the exact right time as the guards looked the other way.


sunday august 10

today i set my alarm for 8:58 am in order to wake up in time to watch the highly anticipated u.s.a vs. china game in men's olympic basketball. upon getting out of bed and flipping on the television, i was perturbed to see that i still had over an hour to go before it started, at 10:15 am. the fact that the game was eventually watched by, supposedly, over one billion people made me feel even sillier for not knowing when it started and losing out on an hour of potential sleep.


saturday august 9

today i secured a place to live in toronto; the lease begins september 1. the day is coming when those hoping for charming tales about the london transit system will have to visit some other blog.


friday august 8

today i slept through my alarm clock. when i woke up for the first time and looked at the clock, it read 8:24, a slightly concerning prospect, considering my work shift began at 8:30. after briefly considering calling in sick, i instead decided to bust it there as quickly as i could, getting ready and heading out the door in mere minutes, and eventually walking into the office at 8:50. i was prepared to offer heartfelt apologies and excuses and agree to work into my lunch break, and was therefore simultaneously offended and relieved when no one seemed to notice or care about my tardy arrival.


thursday august 7

today i brought a change of clothes with me to work, as per usual on thursdays, so that i'd be able to change out of my dress clothes and into something more comfortable (a t-shirt, jeans and normal socks) before doing my radio show. as i was finishing up his wardrobe change, i realized that i'd accidentally forgot to bring a belt for the jeans, and that my work belt was inappropriate not only stylistically but also due to its slightly-too-short length. this meant walking around beltless with slightly-too-baggy jeans, which was just uncomfortable enough to put me in a bad mood and force me to go home earier than i intended.

wednesday august 6

today i received a distraught text message from a future roommate, bemoaning the fact that the competition at an open house for a 3-bedroom place in toronto was so intense that a middle-aged married couple was there to see it. two minutes later, i received another text, explaining with relief and embarrassment that they were actually just someone's parents.


tuesday august 5

today i experienced the highlight of my work day when i visited the office bathroom in the morning for the first time and noticed that the long weekend had brought brand-new urinal cakes. the solid hockey-puck-shaped foam cakes represented a gigantic upgrade over the previous worn-down ones that had deteriorated into multiple ugly pieces. the best part, however, was that, in between my frequent bathroom breaks, i'd constantly forget about the bathroom's new 'decor', and would repeatedly be pleasantly surprised upon seeing them again. it really put a hop in my step for most of the day.


monday august 4

today i dreamed that my grandmother got thrown in prison for illegally downloading mp3s online. she doesn't even know how to use a computer!!!!!


sunday august 3

today i decided to drive to the bank to withdraw some money. since it's only about a two and a half minute drive from my house, i figured i could get by without bringing a cd, and turned on the radio instead. though i was able to find a decent song (nelly furtado's "maneater") on the way there, the drive home turned disastrous when i got back in the car and a nickelback song was playing. after running through nearly every station on the dial, i finally came across gary numan's "cars," an ideal song for driving!! sadly, i only caught the last eight seconds or so, and was immediately informed by the dj that nickelback was coming up next, prompting me to turn off the radio and vow to bring a cd next time, even if i was just driving to my next-door neighbour's house.


saturday august 2

today i played against my brother in game 3 of our best of 7 series of one-on-one basketball. playing to 25 points, and with the score tied at 24, i made a long jump shot right in his grill with a hand in my face, hitting nothing but net. it was a wonderful moment and made me feel like michael jordan, even though my brother is the one with his name.


friday august 1

today i was asked for the first time in my life if i had any children, by an overly friendly cab driver. it was rather sobering.


thursday july 31

today i went to the wick for the primary purpose of seeing a friend's band play, then proceeded to leave the bar to get food just as they were taking the stage, thereby missing nearly all of their set.