3/15/2010
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I immediately thought of this anecdote I once saw on late night tv, told by the man who experienced it, mike birbiglia:
So we go to the awards and I’m sitting on the stage between Roger Clemens and Dennis Eckersley. In advance I had asked the people running the event if they wanted me doing baseball material and they said, “No, just do your act.” And then I showed up and they said, “Oh, and do some baseball jokes.” So Joe and I come up with some baseball jokes on the fly. And I open by saying, “This is incredible for me. I’m sitting next to Roger Clemens. I grew up in Boston and I remember paying 8 dollars for his autograph at a baseball card show and I’m sitting next to him now and he tried to charge me 13.”
And then I said, “We’re here to celebrate the sports writers and what’s interesting is that most of them don’t know how to play sports and some of them don’t know how to write.” This joke was pretty well received in my delusional comedy brain.
And then I sat down- and as the awards are continuing I realize I have to pee, but I’m sitting on stage where everyone can see me- so I wait for the most boring part of the night, when they give the lifetime achievement award for sports writers. So I sneak off and pee and then as I’m returning, the recipient is on stage and he says, “You know- some writers may not how to write but some comedians don’t know how to tell jokes.” And then everyone in the room looks over at my empty chair and I jog onto stage and wave as if to say - “Hey, I’m in on the joke!” So the sports writer and I have to cross paths on the stage and as an act of goodwill I go to shake his hand and he doesn’t even look at me. He just walks by and I said to Eckersley, “Did you see that guy snub me?” and he goes, “Screw him.” But he didn’t say, “Screw him,” he said the version they say in the locker room.
And the event ends and I walk up to Joe and I go, “Did you see that guy snub me?” And he goes, “Mike, didn’t you see his speech? He’s blind.” And I go, “Oh nooo.” And so not only had I insulted the blind guy, I had taunted him by trying to shake his hand. But the real evil one in the story is Eckersley because he knew he was blind and he still said screw him.
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