saturday january 30

today i realized it had been three weeks since i last drank any alcohol. while i don't keep records of this sort of thing, it's probably the longest drought i've experienced in at least three years.


friday january 29

today i returned to the fracture clinic at toronto western hospital for a follow-up appointment to my arm surgery. while i was there, i managed to snap two quick cell phone photos of the x-rays, which show off the metal plate and screws that were placed in my arm:

thursday january 28

today i attempted to take a step toward my jeopardy! dream by taking an official online test at the show's website. sadly, i only ended up answering about 17 of the test's 50 questions correctly, not only casting doubts on my perceived jeopardy! skills, but making me wonder whether i also secretly suck at wheel of fortune, family feud and so on.


wednesday january 27

today i was watching jeopardy!, and, as usual, was attempting to figure out what my humourous personal anecdote would be if i were a contestant on the show. as i watched the first player ramble through a fairly banal story, i wondered if my dodgeball arm injury had become the frontrunner for my potential go-to anecdote. as the second contestant told her story, i tuned her out, trying to envision alex trebek's setup question for my anecdote, and how exactly i'd phrase it to maximize its impact. while i was attempting to sort this out, alex moved on to the third player, introducing her and then saying, "... and you nearly broke a bone playing a game of.... college dodgeball??" stunned, i listened to this player tell a mundane story about how she fell to the ground with her wrists in an awkward position while playing dodgeball, and ALMOST seriously injured them. worse still was that alex seemed incredulous that such a near-disaster could occur during a dodgeball game of all things! ALEX, I HAVE A METAL PLATE IN MY ARM BECAUSE OF A DODGEBALL GAME! LET ME IMPRESS YOU WITH THAT STORY!!


tuesday january 26

today i experienced another of the bizarre, presumably percocet-fueled dreams that i've been having over the last week. in this one, my body was the size of a giant parade float, requiring dozens - maybe hundreds - of regular-sized people to carry me around. i'd been awake for nearly five minutes in the middle of the night before i came to my senses and realized this wasn't really happening.

monday january 25

today i looked at the clock at approximately 9:30 pm and fondly remembered where i'd been exactly a week earlier: being wheeled down to the operating room, wondering if i should still be wearing the underwear and socks i had on beneath my hospital gown. although procedure dictates taking them off before surgery, i was unsure whether it was really necessary for an operation on my arm. i kept them on as i went into surgery, but when i regained consciousness nearly three hours later, i realized i was missing my socks. this raised more questions than it answered.

sunday january 24

today i ventured outside for the first time since my injury 13 days ago, excepting various trips between my house, my parent's house, and the hospital. although this excursion involved merely going to a friend's house across town, the feeling of once again being part of the world was exhilarating.


saturday january 23

today i was able to see the knuckles on my swollen right hand for the first time since my surgery, an exciting moment given the hand's resemblance to a grossly oversized, boneless blob for the last few days.

friday january 22

today i neglected to watch the final episode of conan o'brien's run as host of the tonight show. after all, if i'm being completely honest with myself, i was entertained far more by the drama surrounding his exit than i ever was by his show itself.

thursday january 21

today i had the chance to watch new episodes of all four thursday night nbc comedies (community, parks & recreation, the office, and 30 rock) for the first time since i'd started watching them all. however, i decided to pass up this tantalizing opportunity because i knew that catching up on them over the weekend will give me something to do while i recover from surgery. it was one of my more difficult decisions of the year.

wednesday january 20

today i took notice for the first time of the banner on okcupid that highlights praise they've received from major media outlets. what bothers me about the image is that the quote from time isn't a compliment of the website, but merely a mention of one of its features. there is no need to credit time for this observation. this will now bother me every time i frequent the site.


tuesday january 19

today i engaged in multiple conversations with the jovial lady who brought and cleaned up my meals in the hospital. she reprimanded me for not using my morphine drip more frequently, suggesting i take advantage of it while i could. she expanded on her love of painkillers by confiding that sometimes when she has a lot of cleaning to do at home, she'll take a couple oxycontin beforehand to make the job easier.


monday january 18

today i received the phone call from toronto western hospital informing me that they were ready to bring me in for my arm surgery. in the final moments as i prepared to head in, i attempted to pump myself up for the surgery by blasting some notorious b.i.g. it didn't occur to me until about five songs in that most of the material i was listening to came from an album called ready to die.

sunday january 17

today i succumbed to months of pressure by my friend kat, who runs the toronto section of yelp, and posted my first review on the site. although i was happy with the review and the positive feedback it received immediately, i was somewhat perturbed that it only received "cool" votes. i don't know what's so "cool" about it, and while i'm sure it wasn't overly "useful," i was at least hoping for some "funny" votes.

saturday january 16

today i watched football in my living room with three girls. generally, my being outnumbered 3-1 would've resulted in the tv being on a different channel. while i'm incapacitated, however, no one even requests a channel change. i initially attempted to milk the rare opportunity by making comments like "whoa, what a play! did you see that?" but didn't keep it up long, not wanting to push my luck.

friday january 15

today i asked my roommate to help me get a shirt on over top of my cast. as she took off my sling, she gasped, noticing a bruise on the back of my arm that she dubbed one of the worst she'd ever seen. if you just looked at the skin on my arm at that spot, she said, you'd think i was a black person. unsure of how to react to this news, i joked that if nothing else, at least this injury had resulted in my lifelong dream of being more black coming true.

thursday january 14

today i decided to cope with injury-related boredom by attempting to make my twitter account as interesting as possible, hoping to earn retweets and followers. my most successful tweet was one linking to a surprisingly hilarious jimmy fallon sketch -- i received three replies, three retweets, and two new followers because of this link. for some reason, this really brightened my day.

wednesday january 13

today i watched two noon-hour episodes of family feud. during one episode, a contestant replied to the question "which talk show host is the funniest?" by blurting out "jim belushi!" while his family applauded and shouted "good answer!" as they always do, host john o'hurley smirked at the camera and said "i guess he must be hosting something out of his basement..." this was the highlight of my day.

tuesday january 12

today i was forced by the pain in my broken arm to stay awake as long as possible, so that my sleepiness would eventually win out over the pain. this occurred at approximately 5:20 am.


monday january 11

today i played my usual weekly game of dodgeball. during one particularly intense round, i whipped a ball at one of the other team's players and heard a sickening crack as i threw. pain shot through my arm and i doubled over, eventually falling to the ground, as the game was halted. it turns out that the throw had been so devastating that it caused my humerus bone to fracture, without any other contact to the arm occurring. it may have been the most disgusting moment of my life.


sunday january 10

today i decided to throw the same snack in the microwave that i had the day before. when i was setting the microwave timer, i remembered that the plate had been irritatingly hot when i pulled it out last time. so, rather than entering the same time i had before (3:27), i made an adjustment in the middle of pushing the buttons and set it for 3:26 instead. i'm not sure it made a difference.


saturday january 9

today i went out with my roommates, bringing a friend's scarf with me to return it to her after she'd left it at my house a few weeks back. having forgotten to bring a hat or gloves with me on a very cold night, i was glad to see us immediately hail a cab. otherwise, i would've been faced with the decision of whether or not to wear her scarf on my way, and i don't think i would've been able to pull off the purple.


friday january 8

today i went out to lunch and interpreted the waitress' question "would you like fries or a salad on the side?" to instead mean "would you like fries or a salad on the side?" this resulted in my ordering a side salad that i barely touched, but, as i discovered when the bill arrived, paid an extra $3 for.


thursday january 7

today i assured a friend that, when it came to completing a certain task, i'd take care of the "dirty lifting." it took me a second or two to realize that i'd inadvertently amalgamated "dirty work" and "heavy lifting" into one bizarre combination.


wednesday january 6

today i was informed by a friend that my blog has been nominated for three canadian weblog awards. i received my nominations in the following categories: "best written," "humour & comics," and "life." i have no idea how this happened, but i'm coming for you, raymi.

tuesday january 5

today i received an e-mail from the toronto public library informing me that my held item (disc one of season one of the sopranos) had arrived. my roommate and i plan to watch it together, and will have seven days to watch the four episodes that are on disc one. however, our schedules match up so poorly that i had to consult with her about which day i should pick up the disc in order to maximize our opportunity to squeeze in every episode before we'll have to return it.


monday january 4

today i played super mario bros. for wii for the first time. six hours later, i left my friend's house at 3:00 am with a throbbing left thumb and convinced that we could've beaten the game that night if she hadn't needed to sleep.

sunday january 3

today i had to endure the least interesting week of the nfl season between september and february, as most games impacted neither playoff qualifying or fantasy results. i was so uninterested in the day's slate of games that when i came downstairs and my roommate and her boyfriend were watching intervention, i didn't even aggressively push to change the channel.

saturday january 2

today i went to xo and performed karaoke for the first time. the first two songs i selected were "hate it or love it" and "forgot about dre." i had picked a couple of rap songs i thought would be fairly well-known, so i wouldn't have to perform the entire tracks by myself, but when the time came, people mostly just wanted to sing the choruses. this left me to be 50 cent AND the game. to be dr. dre AND eminem. it was exhausting, but pretty fun.

friday january 1

today i woke up and walked downstairs, where i was greeted by the aftermath of the new year's party we'd had the night before. although i was expecting a low-key affair, the excitement of the new year's celebration had resulted in a mess that was anything but low-key. this included, but was not limited to: champagne spills, a broken vase, a kitchen floor that was about 30% stained red, and two bathroom walls that were covered, top to bottom, in shaving cream.

thursday december 31

today i went shopping in the eaton centre with a friend. at one point, when she was trying to help me find new winter boots, i tried a pair on. "i like them," she said, at the same instant that i said "they're good!" she quickly added "me too!" and then continued talking, entirely oblivious to the fact that she had just replied to herself instead of me.