today i stood in line at the post office in the back of a convenience store for about five minutes, waiting to mail a letter. all i needed was a single stamp, which prompted me to wonder the entire time whether i even needed to be waiting in the 'post office' area of the store. when i finally arrived at the front of the line, i was told by the employee there that i could indeed have just gotten a single stamp at the front counter, which had no line. who knew. oh, everyone? did everyone know that?
posted by luke at 9:13 PM
today i went to the hospital to finally get my cast taken off. unfortunately, after confirming that today was indeed the day when i'd be done with my cast, the doctor told me i'd have to wear a brace for now, to protect the arm. although it can be taken off and on, this was still something of a disappointment. i just want my arm to be free. when a nurse came in with the brace and began explaining it, i asked just how often i was expected to have it on. his list of scenarios included wearing it when i went to bed because "you never know what'll happen when you're sleeping."
posted by luke at 11:54 AM
today i watched an episode of greek called "dearly beloved." having had the episode downloaded for a week or two, i'd been assuming, based on the title, that someone would die in it, and had long been speculating about who it could be. it wasn't until i started watching that i remembered "dearly beloved" was also a wedding phrase, ("dearly departed" being the one i was remembering for dead people), and that it was merely a wedding episode. i blame the o.c. for the mix-up.
posted by luke at 7:59 AM
today i was forced awake by nausea three times in the middle of the night, and forced to jog downstairs to the bathroom and throw up. while the experience was pretty awful, i was able to find a silver lining: i was pretty glad i hadn't suffered the food poisoning a few weeks earlier, when my recovering broken arm made it impossible to get out of bed quickly, and may have prevented me from even making it to the bathroom.
posted by luke at 5:28 PM
today i was expecting a friend to come over between 8:00 and 8:30. at 8:20, our doorbell rang, so i jogged downstairs, expecting it to be her. when i opened the door, however, i was greeted by a girl with a clipboard and a GREENPEACE jacket. not wanting to be rude and just tell her to get lost (particularly since she seemed to be going out of her way attempting to "speak my language," referring to canada "butt-fucking" the environment), i listened to her entire two-minute spiel. when she finished and asked if joining the cause might be something i was interested in, i was too polite again, saying that i'd need to read up more before committing to anything. rather than interpreting that as a hint that i'd do reading on my own, she took it to mean that she should tell me MORE about the specific causes that greenpeace is involved in. by the time i finally got her to leave, i'd been standing in my doorway for five minutes, was awfully cold, and was wishing my friend had shown up about 30 seconds into the speech, so i'd had an excuse to get out of it.
posted by luke at 6:08 PM
today i started getting a bit cocky about my knowledge of olympic sports. over a week into the winter games, i began assuming that i'd seen enough of these sports now to make insightful observations and worthwhile points while watching them. this led to my saying things like "what are they doing playing mike richards playing on this line?!" during canada's men's hockey game, or "ooh, he took a pretty poor line there" while watching two-man bobsleigh. this continued on until, in the midst of my observations about women's curling, one player made a shot that i didn't understand or even realize was legal. i figured it was time to call it a day at that point.
today i went to pizza pizza to order one of their walk-in (or is it walk-out?) specials. in the process of making my order, i had to ask the guy behind the counter to repeat things multiple times, prompting him to start making fun of his own accent. this included telling a story about how one time he told someone the price of their order and the customer replied "not bad, thanks." in what wasn't one of my prouder moments, i chuckled and let him continue blaming himself, rather than confessing that sometimes i just have really poor hearing.
posted by luke at 10:14 AM
today i received one of the best drunk text messages i've ever gotten in my life. seven of the message's ten words contained typos, and although it was intended to be a single sentence, seven periods were scattered throughout the text -- none of them at the end of the sentence.
posted by luke at 1:17 AM
today i hoped to shower before going out in the evening. however, after an unexpected afternoon nap, i awoke to an empty house, prompting me to remember that my roommates had gone to the movies. while i'm able to do nearly everything on my own, despite my injured arm, i had not yet mastered (or even attempted) the art of tying on the plastic, dry-cleaning bag that i put over my cast when i shower. worried that my roommates wouldn't arrive home in time to help me, however, i decided to give it a shot. after a few minutes of struggling, and with the help of some elastic bands and some scotch tape, i managed to do a pretty satisfactory job. feeling pleased with myself, i turned on the shower, stepped in, and promptly slipped and lost my balance. with only one arm to brace myself, it was a near disaster. my good elbow slammed against the wall, but i managed to hold myself up, regain my balance, and breathed a sigh of relief. somehow, showering has become the most difficult and stressful part of my life.
posted by luke at 4:04 PM
today i was watching tv at home when i received a text from my roommate, who was at a local trivia night. the text read as follows: "what stadium was built 5 years after the titanic sunk is still in use today?" my first thought was boston's fenway park, so i hopped on wikipedia to verify its opening date -- i was very committed to helping them cheat. wikipedia informed me, however, that the park opened in 1912, the same year the titanic sank. i looked at a few other parks, but couldn't come up with a decent answer, and felt like i'd failed them as our resident sports expert. later in the night, i found out that the question was actually supposed to read "5 days" instead of "5 years." fenway was the correct answer.
posted by luke at 9:06 PM
today i toasted a bagel for lunch. it had been a while since i'd bought any cream cheese, but i hoped that one of the two tubs of it i had in the fridge would still be good. one of the two had been opened, so i checked it first. when i took off the lid, i was greeted by a layer of green cream cheese. my first thought was: "huh, that's weird, maybe this is some special flavour, like that smoked salmon one next to it in the fridge." my second thought, a second later, when the smell hit my nostrils, was: "oh wait, this is actually just the most disgustingly rotten cream cheese ever." thankfully, the other tub hadn't yet gone bad.
posted by luke at 8:18 PM
today i ordered takeout from thai elephant for myself and three friends. the three of them each wanted orders of chicken pad thai, putting me in an interesting position. with those three dishes totaling $33, we qualified for the free curry chicken pad thai that come with orders over $30. i'd never tried this before, and wasn't sure i'd like it, but did i want to risk not liking a free dinner or pay $11 for my own chicken pad thai, something i knew i'd like? i ended up going for the curry chicken dish and taking about three bites before realizing i didn't like it at all. but still... free.
posted by luke at 11:23 PM
today i went to toronto western hospital for my first physiotherapy appointment. upon my arrival, the receptionist gave me six sheets of paperwork to fill out with my newly-(somewhat)-usable right hand. ten minutes later, i finally struggled through the last signature on the last page. apparently all of this this was not part of the actual physiotherapy.
posted by luke at 10:05 AM
today i had another follow-up appointment at toronto western's fracture clinic, to check my progress and to get a new cast. when i went in to get x-rays, i was assisted by a cute x-ray technician who looked vaguely familiar. "have i x-rayed you before?" she asked with a head tilt. i replied with a deliberately unsure "maaaybe," and she continued to make small talk while spending what seemed like way too much time setting up and re-doing my two x-rays. in any other setting, i would've assumed that the cast effect was in play. however, since her job involves helping a steady stream of people in casts, i had no idea if i was being hit on or if she was just being friendly (and having bad luck with the machinery).
posted by luke at 4:35 PM
today i was having drinks with a friend at nirvana, and excused myself to use the bathroom. not having frequented the bar in a while, i was confused about the bathroom setup after walking downstairs. i quickly deduced which two doors were the bathrooms, but couldn't figure out which was which; one door was unmarked, while the other had a picture of a rooster-looking thing on it. in my mind, i made the association "hen = women" and hesitantly opened the unmarked door. i was immediately greeted by a girl who gestured toward the other door and said "you want that one." it hit me then that, of course, the rooster meant "cock."
posted by luke at 10:34 PM
today i received an e-mail from my local member of parliament, olivia chow. it took me a couple seconds to realize that the message was a reply to an e-mail i'd sent a few weeks back at the behest of a friend, demanding higher emission cuts. although it was clear that her response was something of a form letter, likely something she sent to anyone writing her on the subject, i couldn't get too offended, since my friend had written my original message for me. the entire exchange was pretty much copied and pasted. i did not feel like i was instigating change in the world.
posted by luke at 10:30 PM
today i had a friend crash at my place. at about 10:00 am, we were both awake briefly, and she shared a dream she'd had, in which i'd woken her up, saying that it was 7:30 pm and she was in danger of missing the evening's plans! we had a good chuckle about this and then slept a couple more hours. when it came time to get up, i shook her awake and exclaimed "IT'S 7:30, WAKE UP!!!" just like in the dream. i thought this was hilarious.
posted by luke at 10:24 PM
today i ordered a super bowl dinner of "saucy fingers" from duff's famous wings -- chicken fingers slathered in one of the restaurant's wing sauces. having only ever eaten this sort of honey garlic sauce on chicken wings before, the experience was like eating a boneless wing of a creature three times the size of a normal chicken. needless to say, it was amazing.
posted by luke at 7:00 PM
today i returned to toronto in time for my roommate's birthday party. having not been up past 1:00 am since my surgery, i was slightly concerned about my endurance. although i did end up heading to bed while the party continued, i managed to last until 4:00 am, and fell asleep to the sounds of a "when i say LUKE, you say ADAMS!" call-and-response chant downstairs.
posted by luke at 1:27 PM
today i went to a bar for the first time since my surgery, and the first time in nearly four weeks. while the friend i was with took a smoke break, a group of girls came up to me and asked why i was sitting alone. while i tried to explain that my friend was just outside for a minute, they announced that they were on a pub crawl and asked if i wanted to join them. i declined, but silently thanked my arm cast for being such a chick magnet.
posted by luke at 11:35 AM
today i visited my grandmother in her nursing home. although she'd been quite lucid the last few times i'd been there, she was a little more hit and miss today. at one point, she lectured my grandfather: "you should go see those girls down the hall. they don't believe you're 44!"
posted by luke at 11:34 AM
today i had only one tv show i wanted to watch all evening: modern family at 9:00. i planned my evening's activities so i'd be able to watch it, but then about ten minutes before it started, i received a phone call from a friend. the call continued past 9:00 and, feeling like it would be incredibly dumb to cut the conversation short to watch a sitcom i only sort of like, i kept talking. we hung up at 9:05. not wanting to jump in after missing multiple scenes, i didn't watch modern family.
posted by luke at 11:27 AM
today i decided to watch a good chunk of the grammy awards, as a way to kill time. although the ceremony made me mostly miserable, i continued watching, knowing that a drake/lil' wayne/eminem performance was still coming. finally, over three hours into the broadcast, their performance arrived. immediately, however, i was put in a bad mood by the itchy trigger finger of the cbs censor, which cut out full lines, resulting in silence for three or four seconds at a time and essentially ruining the performance. ____ you, cbs.