today i was walking down my street when a guy walking toward me let out a burp and said "excuse me." he was still about 20 or 30 feet away from me, and was walking alone, which made the "excuse me" a little surprising. was he doing it out of instinct? or for my benefit? i initially thought it'd be weird if it was for my benefit, but then i realized it would've also been odd if he just let out a giant burp, audible from 20+ feet away, and didn't acknowledge it.
posted by luke at 12:32 PM
today i bought a shawarma at ali baba's and was intending to leave some change as a tip -- i don't feel like it's the kind of place where you're obligated to tip, but i like to do it every now and then. however, after paying, i realized i'd been short-changed, complicating the situation a little. unlike when the same thing happened last summer at phil's bbq, the decision in this case was simple: pocket the change i had been given and pretend the missing change was my tip. also, it made me feel good and not guilty about failing to tip in the future. after all, why should i feel compelled to reward that sort of incompetence!
posted by luke at 12:29 PM
today i accidentally dropped my pen at work and got a streak of green ink on my khakis. after a minute or so of trying to scrub it off using water from my water bottle, i gave up and went to the bathroom. using a couple paper towels and sink-water, i managed to eliminate the mark pretty well, but was left with a sizable splotch of water right by my crotch. i was happy not to pass anyone in the hall on the walk back to my desk.
posted by luke at 12:28 PM
today i woke up still sick, with a cold i'd acquired over the long weekend. with some unused sick days at work, i decided to take one. dialing the number of my supervisor, i reminded myself, as always, to be sure to actually sound sick when i left her a message. when i started talking, however, my voice sounded so genuinely awful that i had to reverse my efforts and add a little inflection to my speech, lest she assume i'm on my deathbed.
posted by luke at 12:25 PM
today i called roma to order some food. when they picked up, i asked if i could place an order for delivery, and the guy on the other end said, "sure, do you mind if i put you on hold for a few minutes?" i said that was fine, and he put me on hold. seconds later, it occurred to me what an odd thing that was. i've only ever had people ask to put me on hold for "a sec" or "a minute." a few minutes? why did i agree to this? these were the things going through my mind as i waited about two and a half minutes for him to come back on the line.
posted by luke at 8:07 AM
today i was hanging out with a friend when her roommate asked her how to spell "tragedy." i thought this was an unusual question for two reasons. for one, it doesn't seem like that tricky a word to spell, unless you get the urge to throw a "j" in there or something. plus, he had his laptop in front of him at the time. wouldn't it have been easier to use spellcheck, or even just google it, rather than interrupting our viewing of friday night lights? if it were me in his spot, that's what i would've done -- particularly because you never know if your roommate's friend will be a judgmental jerk who's thinking things like "you can't spell tragedy without g-e-d," even if he'd never say them out loud.
posted by luke at 7:57 AM
today i went to rexall to buy some bandages, in preparation for attending a wes anderson themed party tomorrow (i'm dressing up as owen wilson's character from the darjeeling limited). as i threw a bunch of elastic and plastic bandages on the counter, i imagined what the cashier might think about the purchase. it's not like i had any noticeable ailments. did she think i was just being really prepared for any injury i might sustain in the future? or maybe that i was expecting to get beat up sometime soon?
posted by luke at 10:35 AM
today i was heading home on the subway, sitting in the last seat in a row of three. the middle seat beside me was open. at the st. george station, a slew of people poured onto the car, and i saw an old lady eyeing the seat. incredibly, before she could sit down, a guy in his mid-20s surged forward and sat beside me. as i looked on, the old lady unleashed a wonderfully judgmental frown on the guy, which he noticed as soon as he got settled. he immediately moved to stand up and give her the seat, but she coldly brushed him off and found a seat further down the subway. it was amazing. i wouldn't be surprised if she continued to mad dog him for the rest of the ride. broad was ice cold.
posted by luke at 10:23 AM
today i went to e-mail my grandma for a valentine's day card she'd sent me. however, upon trying to determine her e-mail address, i realized that the only address book i'd had it saved in was in my hotmail account. an account i'd deleted about a month earlier. oops. looks like you're getting a phone call instead, grandma!
posted by luke at 10:01 AM
today i went to the library to pick up a book recommended by a friend, which i'd blindly placed a hold on. to my surprise, the book is a massive hardcover beast that runs 850 pages. when i carry it around in a bag, the bag lands with a thud whenever i put it down. i need two hands to read the book, which makes reading while standing on the subway something of a challenge.
posted by luke at 9:56 AM
today i had to squeeze past a girl filling up a washing machine at the laundromat, in order to transfer my clothes from washer to dryer. there seemed to be enough room for me to slip by without making any contact or saying "excuse me," so i figured i'd be okay. however, as i was passing her, the cord of my headphones caught on the coin tray of one of the washing machines, causing me to jerk back a little and bump her butt with mine. to make matters worse, since i had headphones on, i had no idea how loud i said "sorry" or if she even said anything at all.
posted by luke at 9:44 PM
today i stayed inside all day, alternating between playing playstation 3 and catching up on tv shows. the most productive moment of my day came in the evening, when a friend drunkenly called me to see if i knew the phone number of a nearby italian restaurant that delivers until 4:00 am. i did.
posted by luke at 9:42 PM
today i was at work when one of my female co-workers came into my cubicle and asked if she could "borrow" me for a minute. baffled and intrigued about what she could want me for, i followed her to the mail room, where she needed my help lifting a heavy box to a high shelf. the fact that she came to me for this wholly physical task, rather than to any of my arguably more qualified male co-workers, pretty much made my day.
posted by luke at 9:35 PM
today i decided to read through alan sepinwall's recap of some of the most memorable moments in friday night lights during my morning break at work. while reading sepinwall's retelling of one particularly emotional scene, i found myself getting a little choked up. this also happened to be the moment that a co-worker walked into my cubicle to drop some forms off for me. i don't think she noticed my emotional state.
posted by luke at 9:33 PM
today i saw an advertisement in the subway for a play called ruined. studying the ad, i initially found it curious that the line crediting the writer - "by lynn nottage" - sat on the line ABOVE the play's title. it seemed like a backwards way of doing things. i quickly realized, however, that it probably made more sense that way than it did for the poster to boast: "ruined by lynn nottage!" as if her contributions had really made a mess of things.
posted by luke at 9:30 PM
today i went to the radio dept show at lee's palace with a friend. shortly after the band's set had started, my friend turned to me and said "i'm gonna be that asshole that asks you to hold my hair while i go the bathroom." shocked not only by the fact that apparently she was sick, but also by the casual way she asked me to help her vomit, the look on my face was one of panic. after all, while i like her and all, that's the sort of thing you only ask best friends you've known for 10+ years! of course, a second later, as she passed her drink toward me, i realized i'd misheard -- she hadn't said "hold my hair." she'd said "hold my beer."
posted by luke at 9:13 PM
today i was watching the super bowl broadcast with a friend when christina aguilera's rendition of the national anthem came on. sitting through it, neither of us noticed that she'd flubbed the words at all. i'm not sure if this was because we're not american and don't have the lyrics ingrained in our heads, or if it was because we're not american and don't care about the anthem. probably some combination of the two.
posted by luke at 9:09 PM
today i was invited to three separate birthday parties. rather than choosing just one, or somehow trying to make all three, i decided to stay home for the night. although i thought of this decision as a neutral one, intending to not show any favouritism, it occurred to me as i sat at home that it was probably an even bigger slap-in-the-face than choosing one of the three parties would've been. not only was i blowing off three birthdays rather than two, but now i didn't even have a reason.
posted by luke at 9:07 PM
today i was on the subway when i noticed an old man sitting near me reaching his cane out toward the middle of the car. thinking that he was blind, i watched to make sure that he was able to safely figure out where he was going. as it turns out, however, he wasn't blind at all -- there was a dime sitting in the middle of the subway and he was using his cane to pin it to the floor and drag it toward him.
posted by luke at 2:20 PM
today i shampooed my hair for the first time since my last bottle ran out on saturday. for a couple showers before today's, i'd used conditioner, just because i felt like i needed to put something in my hair. i don't even really know what conditioner does.
posted by luke at 2:16 PM
today i overheard a co-worker talking on the phone about his weekend plans. i wasn't trying to eavesdrop really, but he was talking at a decent volume, which made it even more surprising when he said: "it's about the size of a [inaudible]. that's why they call it an eight ball." somewhat shocked at the implication of this discussion, i immediately went to urban dictionary to see if there were any slangy meanings for "eight ball" besides the ones i knew. perhaps he was referring to definition #7 or perhaps he was just having a general dialogue about cocaine without planning on buying any. but still, it'll be hard not to think of him in an entirely new light from now on.
posted by luke at 2:08 PM
today i went to the beer store twice, in the span of less than three hours. each time, i was wearing the some clothes, and bought the exact same thing (four tall cans of tiger) from the same employee. each time, he asked me if i had any identification. disheartening.
posted by luke at 2:02 PM
today i went to the laundromat fully prepared for the machines. that is to say, i had an appropriate amount of change for both the washer and dryer. however, upon arriving, i ran into a problem. one of the double-load washing machines i was using required two loonies, so i'd been relying on the change machine to make change for my lone toonie. but every time i dropped the coin into the machine, it spit it back out without making change. after three or four failed attempts, i started to get worried -- the rest of my change consisted of useless dimes and nickels, some quarters, and just a lone loonie. i was a loonie short! there was no one else in the laundromat to ask for change, so finally i resigned myself to sliding one of my $20 bills into the machine. 15 loonies and 20 quarters came tumbling out, a few hitting the floor as i tried to corral them all. it made me feel as if i'd just made a huge score at a vegas slot machine, but about 100 times less excited.
posted by luke at 12:03 AM