friday december 26

today i brought a chilean cabernet sauvignon to my family’s christmas dinner, and not only did my aunt love it, but she also said that she might like it even more than the wine she considers her "favourite." this seemed like almost unfairly high praise for a wine i’d randomly picked off the shelf at the lcbo without having tried it or having even done any research ahead of time.

thursday december 25

today i went to the movie theatre to see interstellar. three hours later, when it finally ended, the first thing the guy sitting next to me said to his friend was "we should’ve done mushrooms."

wednesday december 24

today i tipped a delivery guy maybe $2 or so more than i normally would’ve since it was christmas eve, and felt really good about myself for a while afterward for spreading so much holiday cheer.

tuesday december 23

today i started and finished my christmas shopping.


monday december 22

today i went to an afternoon screening of the movie birdman, and while i didn’t particularly love the movie, i couldn’t help but think that my somewhat negative reaction was significantly influenced by the super-annoying people sitting in my vicinity. among them: a guy in the row behind me who frequently laughed very loudly at moments that weren’t really laugh-out-loud funny, and the guy in the row in front of me who pulled out his phone three different times and at one point was taking either photos or videos of the movie.

sunday december 21

today i had two different people at a party ask if my partially-covered tattoo was of a chicken.

saturday december 20

today i was paying a cab driver and accidentally dropped a loonie in between the middle armrest and the passenger seat, making it impossible for either of us to reach down and pick it up without some real digging around. when i apologized for it, he said not to worry about it, and said, "well, just know that there's a loonie down there!" immediately, i wondered if maybe i shouldn’t have specified the kind of coin, since i was already feeling like i was under-tipping a little. i didn’t have any toonies on me, but maybe if i hadn’t said anything, he would’ve assumed the best.

friday december 19

today i went to eb games in the dufferin mall to buy a copy of borderlands 2 for ps3, since it’s supposed to be pretty good and also i’d read that there’s a "co-op" mode, which i thought might be a fun thing to do when my brother visits for christmas. while i was standing at the checkout counter waiting for the teenager to ring me through, he asked me if i’d played borderlands: the pre-sequel!, and i said no. he waited a beat, and then asked me if i planned to play it. at this point, for some reason, i thought the simplest thing to do to shut down this line of questioning would be to lie, so i gestured toward the game and said, "actually, this is for my brother." this seemed to disappoint the eb employee, who asked "have you played any of the borderlands series?" when i said no again, he asked with incredulity, "what kind of gamer are you?"

in retrospect, this may have been a rhetorical question, as in: how can you be a gamer if you’ve never played a borderlands game! but his tone suggested he really want to know, so, having already started to establish myself as a non-gamer who was buying this game he knew nothing about as a christmas present, i decided to take it to another level and said, "eh, i mostly just play sports games. kinda boring." having totally misrepresented myself at this point, i left the store feeling like a real jerk for sort of making it seem like i was too mature for these nerd games, rather than just admitting that i hadn’t gotten around to any borderlands games yet.

thursday december 18

today i was using the bathroom at northwood, where one of the two urinals in the men’s bathroom was out of order. standing there using the functional one, i heard a guy behind me start to walk in, then stop and say "whoaaa" before backing out into the hallway. the reaction was the sort of one you’d have if you went to enter a bathroom thinking it was a multi-person facility but then realized at the last minute it only accommodated a single person. of course, in this case, there was an empty stall right beside me, so i don’t know what this guy was thinking waiting outside. maybe just very anti-stall?

wednesday december 17

today i gave a delivery guy two $20 bills and asked for $10 in change. after a few seconds of digging around, he informed me that he only had $20 bills and coins on him. with no viable way for him to make $10 in change, i was forced to return to my room and come up with an alternate solution involving a $5 bill and a bunch of coins. the fact that i was more flexible on the matter than he was seemed like a real failure on his part.

tuesday december 16

today i waited until the very last minute to catch the lansdowne bus — the stop is just across the street from me, but i played it so close that i still had to jog across the street and wave the bus down. after taking the bus to dundas, i ended up having to jog across the street there to catch the streetcar that was sitting at the stop. while the running was a bit more than i would’ve liked, i couldn’t help but feel pretty pleased with myself, having never had a ttc trip more impeccably and efficiently timed.

monday december 15

today i went to my first raptors game of the season, and while it was great to see a conference-leading team take care of business against the clearly inferior orlando magic, i had to admit it was a bit bittersweet to be paying $30+ for a ticket now instead of getting in for $7, like you could even just a year ago.


sunday december 14

today i learned that my grandpa had passed away via an email from my grandma with the subject line "grandpa is now enjoying heaven."


saturday december 13

today i stood in line at walmart listening to a middle-aged guy behind me talk to his friend about the "science oven" scene in american hustle. he was really losing it, unable to control his laughter, as he described the sequence in great length. "what a movie!" he exclaimed when he finally stopped laughing.

friday december 12

today i was mired in the second day of a brutal cold and came to the end of my supply of kleenex. since i wasn’t feeling particularly enthusiastic about leaving the house to buy more, i kept one last tissue off to the side, saving it for a real special occasion, as if it was the last red starburst or something. finally, i geared up to walk down to the corner store to buy some more, treating myself to that final kleenex on my way out. as it turns out though, the corner store has basically no inventory these days for anything except junk food, cigarettes, and lottery tickets, so i returned home empty-handed, and had to rely on paper towel and toilet paper until i went back out and tried again two hours later.


thursday december 11

today i was only half paying attention to the tv on in the background when a commercial piqued my interest with the tagline "this year, give them wings for christmas." obviously, my first reaction was to think, "christmas chicken wings? love it. should i give these to someone or ask for them for myself?" as it turns out though, it was just an advertisement for some dumb, free-fall-simulating wind tunnel.


wednesday december 10

today i realized as i was about to take a nap that when i have no real deadline for waking up, i’ll often just flick my iphone alarm as if i’m spinning the price is right wheel, attempting to get as close to the 59-minute mark as possible without going over.

tuesday december 9

today i was doing dishes when i somehow ended up flinging a spoon across my kitchen counter and stove while i was trying to put it in the dish rack. i was gonna say that the speed at which it flew across the room, away from my outstretched hand, sort of made me feel like i was in the matrix, but i guess in that movie he bent the spoon and didn’t throw it around using telekinesis. anyway, it ended up landing between the oven and the wall, in a space so tight that i spent three minutes trying to wedge it out and couldn’t do it. so, now "there is no spoon" or whatever.

monday december 8

today i received a holiday card in the mail from domino’s pizza. actually, to be fair, the envelope wasn’t technically addressed to luke adams -- not only did it not include my specific apartment number, meaning it theoretically could’ve been for one of my other two housemates, but it was also simply made out to "pizza lover." still, as soon as i saw it, i just knew, "oh, this is for me."

sunday december 7

today i drank three beers at the ossington and realized when i settled up that i wasn’t even 100% sure what i’d been drinking, since i'd had the first one put in front of me when i arrived, and then just said "i’ll have another" twice.


saturday december 6

today i was walking up to the entrance of the dufferin mall when an older man (at least in his 60s) held out a clipboard and asked me if i wanted to sign a petition to save canada post’s door-to-door mail delivery. by the time he’d finished asking, i was already in my usual "no thanks" blow-off mode, but immediately after entering the mall, i started to regret it. it’s not as if i’m opposed to door-to-door delivery, and in glancing at the petition, it looked like it only had one signature at the top of the page. the idea - admittedly concocted in my head - that he’d been out there for a while but hadn’t been able to find anyone to sign his petition besides himself was so sad that i felt pretty guilty for blowing him off for the entire rest of the day.

friday december 5

today i was washing my hands in the bathroom at the ossington, when i heard the guy in the stall say something. since we were the only two people in the room and he hadn’t appeared to be on the phone, i said, "sorry?" to which he replied, "sorry, i was talking to my watch."

thursday december 4

today i went to mayday malone's for the first time, partly out of convenience (i was in the area and wanted to watch the leafs + cowboys/bears) but mostly because i was curious to see what a bar named after ted danson’s cheers character would look like. during my two hours there, i observed that it was actually more cheers-ish than i expected, though that didn’t necessarily feel like a good thing — a bunch of middle-aged men who sit at the bar and seem to know each other, presumably because they drink every day, isn’t quite as charming in real life. also, sitting by myself at a table off to the side, i really sympathized with how all the overlooked extras must have felt.

wednesday december 3

today i was on a subway standing near a girl who appeared to be either mentally ill or on a lot of drugs, or maybe both. at one point, in between shouting nonsense and spitting on the subway-car floor, she muttered "all the pretty girls are dead, blake lively is dead."


tuesday december 2

today i was walking to hurricanes when two joggers passed by me on my left. about 20 seconds later, a couple more went by, and a pedestrian passing me in the other direction said, "who fucking jogs on bloor street?" while i didn’t exactly disagree with the sentiment, it seemed a bit harsh. within the next two minutes though, about 30 more joggers squeezed by me on the sidewalk, clearly all part of some sort of running club, and i realized that he must’ve seen them coming before i did. really came around to his way of thinking.

monday december 1

today i ordered domino’s for lunch, taking advantage of the week-long sale which offered 50% off all pizzas ordered online. on its own, there was nothing wrong with this decision. still, i was slightly embarrassed that, having gone into the week intending to just take advantage of this deal once - MAYBE twice - so as not to be stuffing my face with pizza for seven straight days, i’d chose to place my order at noon on a monday, literally about two hours after the sale had begun.

sunday november 30

today i became obsessed with this tweet, thinking about several times throughout the day, and laughing out loud every single time.

saturday november 29

today i went to see the canadian pacific railway’s "holiday train" in belleville, sticking around for a few songs before calling it a day. after getting home, i looked up the band and was treated to the following description from the cpr’s website:

"Canadian power pop rock band Odds achieved wide commercial success in the 1990s. Most recently, Odds got together and performed old and new songs on the Barenaked Ladies' Ships and Dip cruise. A new CD, Cheerleder, was released in 2008. The first single, "My Happy Place," was used during the end credits for the Canadian TV show "Corner Gas.""

friday november 28

today i took a greyhound bus to belleville with the most refreshingly cavalier driver i’ve ever encountered. he appeared to make no effort to help anyone put their bags underneath the bus - or to take them out later - instead gesturing vaguely toward the compartment where you were meant to put them. during his introductory spiel once everyone was on the bus, rather than estimating how late we might run, he said, "take the schedule and crumple it up and throw it out. we get there when we get there," and then sat down. real great stuff.

thursday november 27

today i was walking home when i noticed a loonie on the ground. even though it was pretty wet out, i decided a loonie wasn’t the sort of coin i could just ignore and walk past, so i bent down and picked up the gross thing. the incident made me realize that a loonie was absolutely the smallest piece of currency i would pick up on a wet sidewalk, so get outta here with your quarters. don’t need 'em.

wednesday november 26

today i was about to walk past a restaurant when i happened to glance over and notice that everyone sitting at the front table closest to the window had turned around to face the back of the restaurant (away from the sidewalk). curious about whether there was something interesting happening in the restaurant, or maybe on a tv, i looked in on my way past. however, as it turned out, they were all facing that direction because someone was taking a photo of them. i moved quickly to turn my head away and get out of the line of fire, but i saw the flash happen and i think there’s a real possibility that their photo will include me in the background peering through the window at them.


tuesday november 25

today i went to a show at comedy bar, and before heading into the main stage area, stopped for a beer at the bar. the bartender handed change to the guy before me and turned toward me to get my order, but was stopped by him asking, "i gave you a $10, didn’t i?" after an awkward back-and-forth, it was determined that she’d given him $1.50 in change on his beer rather than $3.50.

when she turned back to me and i ordered a beer of my own, this seemed like a real good opportunity to say something like "so you see i’m handing you a $10, right?" in a mock-serious way, since i’m always trying to make jokes as soon as i walk into this damn place. however, she seemed unusually flustered about the mistake, so i decided not to say anything. when she went to give me the change though, she asked, "so do you want all of your change?" and i chuckled and joked, "nah, $1.50’s good," happy that we were still able to have the light-hearted moment i’d imagined.

monday november 24

today i watched from inside my house as the motion-sensor light outside my front door turned on and off again for the majority of the day. my entrance is around back, very out of the way, so i can only assume - and hope - it was the vicious wind constantly blowing leaves around that was causing the light to recognize movement, rather than someone or something just hanging around outside all day.

sunday november 23

today i went to sneaky dee’s to see the marked men. knowing that the bill included four opening bands, i went a little later than i might’ve otherwise, and caught two of those openers — when the second one left the stage, they announced that the marked men would be on next, so i made sure to secure a pretty decent spot close-ish to the front. however, the next band that came out wasn’t actually the marked men, but another opener that had been added to the bill late to replace one of the four that couldn’t make it due to passport issues. apparently the order had gotten switched around or something, resulting in the confusion.

having already gotten all excited to see the headliner, this unexpected extra opener, whose singer was very shouty and immediately jumped into the crowd (something i didn’t want to have to deal with), was a real disappointment. less than 30 seconds into their set, i turned to my friend, said "pitcher at toby’s?" he nodded and we immediately left the venue, walked 20 seconds down the street to our old favourite dive bar, split a pitcher and watched the end of the giants/cowboys game, then returned to sneaky dee’s at the exact moment the marked men took the stage. i may have lost my sweet spot in the crowd but otherwise things really couldn’t have worked out more perfectly.

saturday november 22

today i played songs at sex laser and literally didn’t come out from behind the dj booth all night because by the time i might’ve thought about taking a break, the bar was so overcrowded with people that the hassle of pushing through the crowd to get to the bathroom didn’t even seem worth it.


friday november 21

today i was talking to a friend via text message and she referred to someone's comments as "non-sensual" rather than "nonsensical" or maybe "non-sequitor." while it wasn't what she meant, or even a real word that anyone ever uses, i actually sort of liked it better.

thursday november 20

today i was told "you white folks are crazy" by my cab driver.

wednesday november 19

today i was walking down lansdowne street on the first real snow day of the year when an older woman walking in the opposite direction slipped and fell on the sidewalk. her fall was so impactful that somehow her shoe came flying off and landed right in front of me. after i picked it up and brought it over to her, a couple other passers-by and i made sure she was alright and got her back on her feet and on her way. as i resumed my walk in the same direction as one of the others who had helped out, my fellow good samaritan laughed and remarked "that was kinda scary!" in a way that made me think we were both kind of relieved we hadn’t been required to do more.


tuesday november 18

today i was about to shower when i heard what could have been a knock on the front door of my apartment. considering i wasn’t entirely sure what i was hearing (with the fan and heat on in the bathroom, the knocking was pretty muffled and could have been coming from above me or on another door in the house) and i didn’t feel like getting dressed again, i decided to just step into the shower and ignore it. i then spent the next five minutes dreaming up reasons why someone would’ve come around to the back of the house to knock on my door, ultimately concluding that the only things that made sense were a delivery (i’d ordered nothing) or an emergency (the likely scenario). by the time i got out of the shower, i was a ball of anxiety, but as it turns out, when i finally stepped outside to check on things, there was absolutely no indication that anyone had been at my door.

monday november 17

today i got three separate phone calls from a domino’s delivery guy as he attempted to ascertain where exactly i lived, what the parking situation would be like, whether he should come down a back alley, what door he should knock on, etc. after a lengthy delay, he finally showed up, having been accompanied to my place by another domino's employee. i live on a pretty major street. not sure this guy is cut out for the food-delivery game.

sunday november 16

today i got three nba-related questions wrong in a single trivia night. three! don’t even know what i’m contributing to the team anymore, you guys. feeling real low.

saturday november 15

today i referred to myself as being in "a real mama bear situation," because the temperature in my apartment has been neither too hot nor too cold since i moved in. this reference prompted a too-long conversation with a friend about whether it was the mama bear or baby bear whose property and possessions goldilocks had found "just right," and ultimately neither of us could say with 100% certainty which of them it was.

friday november 14

today i had three beers at duffy's while watching the leafs game, and saw when i received my bill that i'd only been charged for two. this isn't the first or even second time this has happened at duffy's, and each time it does happen i wrestle with the same predicament: was it an honest mistake, or is there a chance that the servers there recognize me and like me enough by now that it was intentional? on the off chance that it was intentional, saying something about it would probably be pretty dumb, right? even it was an accident, will anyone even notice? these are the questions i ask myself en route to justifying not saying anything and just leaving a bigger-than-usual tip instead.

thursday november 13

today i went to my usual td branch to deposit my pay cheque. "i just need to deposit this--" i started to say to the teller, who interrupted me and said "... in your u.s. account?" even though i recognized her, it had been at least three months or so since i’d ended up in her line at the bank, which she acknowledged when she saw my surprise, laughing and saying, "i remember!" it was the most flattering interaction i’ve had in weeks.

wednesday november 12

today i met a friend of a friend for a second time, and when our mutual friend went to introduce us and asked "have you met before?" i realized that i’ve developed a habit of waiting for the other person to respond to that question before saying anything myself. generally in this situation, one of us always seems to remember previous encounters better than the other, which has led to some awkward moments in the past, so the fact that i’m now just waiting to see what they say and then agreeing with them (whether or not i actually remember things the same way) is really a step toward my becoming a more socially competent person, probably.


tuesday november 11

today i registered for the steve harvey dating site delightful.com. although i was initially excited to do some first-hand research on the kind of dating website that would be founded by steve harvey, i only ended up lasting about four minutes on the site before i realized what i’d gotten myself into and became mortified that someone might see my profile on there.

monday november 10

today i realized that it had been more than 48 hours since i’d had a shower, and even though i wasn’t planning on going anywhere, i decided to shower before i went to bed for my own sake and for the sake of anyone who decides to drop in on me tomorrow, even though that never happens.

sunday november 9

today i worked a sunday night shift, something i haven’t done in months. usually on sunday nights i go to trivia night at the ossington and walk home afterward. as it turns out, at 11:00pm on this particular sunday night, at college and brock, an intersection i usually pass around that time, a woman was attacked by a man wielding a hacksaw. knowing that this happened while i was sitting at home prompted me to speculate about what would have happened if i’d been passing this intersection, as usual, and come across such an incident. while i’d never assume i’d have played hero, like the two guys who were actually in the area at the time, a part of me wishes i’d been passing by and had such an opportunity. with plenty of drinks in me and without much to lose, i actually think i could’ve been a real asset in stopping and running down this piece of shit, especially if i'd had the right shoes on.

saturday november 8

today i finally asked a friend who had borrowed money from me nearly a year ago whether or not she'd paid me back, and discovered that she hadn't. i think it was a real load off both our minds, since she essentially admitted to also feeling as if this unspoken debt had permeated every interaction we've had in 2014.


friday november 7

today i was leaving a pay-what-you-can show intending to leave two toonies and a loonie ($5 seems to me like a pretty standard amount for "pay what you can"). so, it was somewhat discouraging when i went to drop my coins into the bucket to see that there were already a bunch of $10 and $20 bills in there. those bills not only made me feel a little guilty about my modest contribution (maybe they were combined payments from multiple people?) but also cushioned the fall of my change so that i didn’t even get the satisfaction of hearing my bunch of coins jangling around the bottom of the bucket.


thursday november 6

today i ended up in the front row at second city for a friend’s sketch comedy show. not wanting to be in any way involved in the proceedings, i decided to take off my blue jays hat before the show started to make myself less conspicuous. sure enough, about 20 minutes into the show, a couple of girls in one sketch called out a "guy in glasses" in the front row. i spent the rest of the evening mentally patting myself on the back for making sure i hadn’t stood out in any way, lest i'd become the "guy in the hat."

wednesday november 5

today i was going to relay a little anecdote about how i'd left one of my kitchen utensils outside by my barbecue for two weeks without even noticing it, but then i realized i didn’t actually know what i'd call this utensil. what is this? a spatula? a turner? a "fish slice"?

tuesday november 4

today i ordered thai food about 12 hours after having a discussion with a friend about how terrible i am at complaining or doing anything when my delivery orders get screwed up. as if the universe felt like it had to explicitly prove this, this thai-food delivery guy didn’t bring my drink, and sure enough i did and said nothing about it.


monday november 3

today i received my blue jays season ticket holder brochure in the mail. with prices going up 22% for next year, i haven't decided whether or not to buy my season tickets again, so i was thumbing through the brochure to see if there was anything that would sway my opinion one way or the other. about halfway through, there was a page outlining how you can earn "additional benefits" by attending games this year, and at the end of a list of benefits and perks that actually sounded pretty cool was the following item: be a member of the grounds crew for a game. yeah, real cool benefit there. "no no, i can't sit with you for today's game, i have to go down and report to work."


sunday november 2

today i was watching some football at the dock ellis, a bar whose layout i’m not particularly fond of -- the tables are all long, like cafeteria tables, accommodating four people on either side and making it a bit tricky to hang out if you’re there with just one other person. still, it was the late afternoon and wasn't exactly packed, so my friend and i had at least a half of one of these tables to ourselves. at one point though, while i was looking down at my phone, a girl came up to our table and sat down in the seat next to me. “here we go,” i thought. “things must be getting pretty crowded if we’re going full on communal seating now.” it took a good two or three seconds before i realized that the girl was actually an old friend of mine who had come over to say hi.

saturday november 1

today i drank from a bottle labeled "witch’s potion" at a halloween party, but it turned out to just be vodka.


friday october 31

today i went to get my last beer at a halloween party and discovered it had gone missing from the fridge. the worst part was that even though i was the only one drinking that specific brand of beer, i couldn't even identify the culprit by the can because everyone was using those stupid red cups. a perfect crime.

thursday october 30

today i was settling up a restaurant bill, which came to $23, and because i only had $20 bills, i slipped a couple of those inside the little bill-holding booklet. when my server returned to the table, he picked up the book without looking inside it and asked "you good?" for some reason, i assumed that he was asking if i was ready to pay, since maybe he couldn't tell if i'd actually put cash or a card in there, so i said yes. it was only when he replied "thanks, have a good day!" that i realized "you good?' meant "do you need change?"

for the next two or three minutes, i sat there drinking the rest of my beer, thinking about how awkward it was going to be to go up to the bar and say "actually, i do need some change after all." thankfully, as i was about to finish, he came back over with some money, laughing and saying, "i was looking at it and thinking 'he must want change!'" relieved to have avoided a more uncomfortable encounter, i left him a pretty generous tip, albeit not the 73% i was originally on the hook for.

wednesday october 29

today i was watching game 7 of the world series while working, and decided that if i had to work during the game, at least i was gonna order myself some pizza. when the domino's delivery guy showed up, he made a good first impression by asking "you hungry?" before handing me my food, which i thought was a pretty funny thing to say. however, things took an ugly turn when he heard the sound of the tv, and we had the following exchange:

him: "you watching the game there?"
me: "yeah, world series!"
him (sounding disgusted): "you're watching that?"
me: "yeah man, game 7."
him: "it's booorrrrring."
me (thinking maybe i should hold back a dollar or two from his tip): "c'mon."
him: "the blue jays aren't even in it!"
me: "yeah i'll say."


tuesday october 28

today i went to duffy's to watch the leafs and game 6 of the world series, just a day after i'd passed by and noticed that the bar was closed off, with a huge crowd gathered at the side of the building. i asked our server if she knew what had been going on at the bar on monday, and she confirmed that yes, it had been closed off and they'd been filming a commercial there. bruce willis was there, she said! this seemed awfully hard to believe, but she was adamant about it, and it really shone a whole new light on my favourite local sports dive, knowing that john mcclane himself had hung out within those same four walls.

monday october 27

today i took a plane home from chicago and sat in front of a family whose three sons ranged in age from maybe 8 to 13 or so. one of these kids had a book of animal-themed jokes that he read from during the entire flight, delivering the punch lines to his parents after they attempted to guess the answers (sample question: what do you call it when a giraffe is reading a book? a tall tale). there were whole sections in this book devoted to specific animals, meaning he'd read a dozen consecutive jokes about - for instance - ducks. even as someone who usually appreciates bad puns, this was excruciating, and i had to give up my book and put on headphones after about 20 minutes of it. the kicker came when we were about to land and i heard the kid say, "there's knock-knock jokes in here? c'mooonnnnnn!" as if he was too good for those, but perfectly fine with all the shitty, one-note puns he'd been reading out loud for the last hour and a half.

sunday october 26

today i met my boss in person for the first time, despite having worked for him for more than five years.

saturday october 25

today i requested "it wasn't me" by shaggy at a wedding, which in retrospect was one of the least thematically appropriate songs i possibly could've asked for and i don't blame the dj for not playing it.

friday october 24

today i finished a plastic container of mixed greens before its expiry date, which in my view is one of the most exceptional food-related accomplishments a person living alone can accomplish, made even more impressive by the fact that i did it a day before going out of town for the weekend.

thursday october 23

today i heard my landlord's husband (the car lover) come by after work to check out - and perhaps fix - the broken furnace in our house. the furnace is located in the basement, not in my apartment, but in the little-used room on the other side of my bathroom wall. as such, i could hear him and the main-floor tenant pretty clearly just a room or two away. after they'd been down there for about 20 minutes, it occurred to me that i'd put on a bunch of classic rock songs since they'd arrived, a change from the tinashe album i'd been playing non-stop most of the day. trying way too hard to make up for not being into cars, you guys.


wednesday october 22

today i was at the laundromat waiting for my clothes to finish drying when i noticed for the first time an unusual set of locked cupboards that appeared to contain not just laundry supplies for sale, but also various foods and household items. here are some examples of the goods which appeared to be available:

while i didn't plan on actually buying anything from out of the cupboard (there was nobody around to ask anyway), i spent a couple minutes idly wondering what kind of cookies made up the not-pictured "large cookie package."

tuesday october 21

today i made a grocery trip that included loading up on toilet paper and paper towels, no small feat considering how much bag space those monstrosities take up. unfortunately when i got home i realized it was kleenex, not paper towels, that i'd run out of. having been dealing with allergies the last few days, i spent the evening blowing my nose into (admittedly pretty soft) paper towels.

monday october 20

today i lost an umbrella for probably at least the seventh time since moving to toronto. while in most instances, this has been a source of annoyance and frustration, in this case it was almost like having a burden off my shoulders -- i knew exactly which bar i'd left the umbrella at, and could've easily walked back and picked it up, but it was half-broken and barely functional, and it was a relief to have an excuse to just move on to a new one.


sunday october 19

today i went to opera bob's to watch some of the late-afternoon football games, and ending up sitting at the bar next to a hardcore cowboys fan, who was wearing a marion barber uniform and had his cowboys jacket draped over his seat. because we were both alone and he was the sort of guy who yelled a lot of things at the tv, he frequently glanced over at me as if seeking some sort of reaction or response to his comments. while i acknowledged him with a chuckle or a comment of my own in a few instances just to be polite, the one time i simply couldn't do it was when he laughed out loud at a commercial for the big bang theory and then looked over to see if i was laughing too. i was not.


saturday october 18

today i went to the bank and when i approached the teller he asked how i was doing. "not bad, how about you?" i asked, instinctively. "i'm good, except my hair keeps getting in my eyes," he replied, dramatically flipping it off his face. "i need some sort of mousse or something." i know - or at least strongly suspect - that td encourages its tellers to engage in small talk with the customers, but i really feel like this guy should probably stick to just asking me about my day or the weather rather than ad-libbing like that.


friday october 17

today i was messaging back and forth with a friend and in the span of a half-hour started separate messages by saying "i was just watching some wobble videos on youtube" and "i was just thinking about the mcrib," which in retrospect was probably a pretty genuine and harrowing glimpse into my fridays.

thursday october 16

today i changed the light bulb in my bedroom and when i went to put the light fixture back over it, i noticed for the first time how flimsily held up it is. although i was pretty confident that i tightened everything sufficiently and it won't come crashing down from the ceiling anytime soon, it made me wonder whether i'd be better off having the fixture right over my bed, where it could fall down on top of me when i'm sleeping, or beside my bed, where it'd be more likely to break into a thousand pieces. my aversion to cleaning up had me leaning toward the former.

wednesday october 15

today i ordered a pizza from domino's and got a bit nervous when i noticed that the post-ordering screen sat at this stage for the following 20 minutes:

i ultimately convinced myself that it was much more plausible they were forgetting to update the status of my order rather than forgetting about the order entirely, and i was eventually proven right. still, i've become accustomed to a certain lifestyle, domino's, don't take that away from me now.

tuesday october 14

today i went to bar neon with my book club for our latest meeting. when things were winding down and i was settling up my tab, i spoke to the bartender, who was extremely impressed that our club was advanced enough to be discussing multiple books in the same meeting. it was with some regret that i had to ruin that perception by pointing out that actually some of us just had different-looking copies of the same book.


monday october 13

today i headed back to toronto from belleville after thanksgiving weekend, and was on the greyhound bus with a handful of people who hadn’t bought tickets in advance and needed to pick them up at the trenton station. this resulted in a bit of a delay, and once we finally got going again, the bus driver got on the speaker and threw some terrific shade at the passengers that held us up.

"it takes a while to buy tickets at trenton," she said flatly. "you can buy them online ahead of time. i’m sure your fellow passengers would appreciate that. we’re running 20 minutes late now. we’re supposed to get in at 11:25, but that probably won’t happen. i’ll try to make up some time on the highway but it was busy coming the other way. we’ll see."

sunday october 12

today i had a dream in which a room full of people sang smash mouth’s "all star" at me when i left a party. it’s the first time i can recall waking up laughing.

saturday october 11

today i happened to mention the website sporcle in passing to my family after dinner, and within 15 minutes, my brother and both parents were all on their laptops frantically trying to complete random quizzes and asking me things like "what's one of the two european countries with a double eagle in the center of its flag?"


friday october 10

today i went to see charli xcx at the hoxton. it was an all-ages show, and i was thrilled to see multiple parents in the building, including one mom in attendance with her daughter, and one dad checking at the door to see when charli’s set would be ending. as i watched the show, i assumed people all around me were getting texts like "hi sweetie, r u ready for me to pick u up from charlie yet? hope your 1st show’s going great!!! love u. mom."

thursday october 9

today i feel obligated to mention that yesterday’s post was my 2000th at one thing i did today. that’s a lot of days of doing things. thanks for sticking with me.

wednesday october 8

today i went to duffy’s for the maple leafs’ home opener, and while i was satisfied with the service through the first couple periods, things really fell apart after i finished a beer with a couple minutes left in the second. the server didn’t come back to ask if i wanted another one until there were nine minutes left in the third period, which must have been about a half-hour in real time later. and even though i answered "yes" at that point, i did not see that beer before the game ended. in fact, when i got my bill after the game, she showed no indication that she’d even been considering bringing that beer at any point.

tuesday october 7

today i watched a couple with six tequila shots in front of them try to order more and get denied service. why did they need so many in front of them at once? some sort of drinking competition? just wanted to get the night's entire orders out of the way at once? were they making some sort of map and needed the shots to represent certain landmarks? i dunno, didn't ask.


monday october 6

today i was at walmart and picked up some bug spray. i'd absent-mindedly noticed a bug problem outside the front door of my apartment a few days ago - all sorts of tiny little insects gathered around the window area of the door - and thought "i should get some bug spray for that." i was feeling pretty accomplished at having followed through on this thought, until i got home and realized that actually all the insects that had collected on my door were already dead, and what i really needed wasn't something that would kill them, but something that i could remove them with. maybe just a duster or rag or something like that.

sunday october 5

today i let a friend borrow my headphones, and as she was putting them on, i helpfully offered, "oh, i think they actually go the other way." she looked down at them and replied, "what? no, this side says right," and gestured to a tiny little "r" on the inside of the earphone. "oh yeah, my bad," i said, making a gesture that suggested i got confused because we were facing each other and my perception was reversed, since it was too embarrassing to acknowledge that i'd actually been wearing them backwards for the last year.

saturday october 4

today i was walking down a street in montreal that was under construction. because of the construction, cyclists and pedestrians had to share a narrow walkway at one point, and while i was walking through that section, a cyclist came up behind me wanting to pass by. i slid out of the way, and she called "merci beaucoup!" as she rode away, which made me totally blank on how to respond to such a phrase in french. rather than replying in english, or taking a second to think of "de rien" or whatever, i instead let out a weird grunting noise that i hoped would convey "no problem." i can't speak french and that's what this blog is about now.


friday october 3

today i ordered some take-out tacos at el rey del taco in montreal. after the person taking our order told my friends their prices in english, she said mine in french, despite the fact that i’d shown no sign i could speak french (i’d even had to point at what i wanted on the menu rather than attempting to pronounce it). i guess i look pretty quebecois, or else she just wanted to test me.

thursday october 2

today i texted my friend at the constantines show at danforth music hall to let her know i was standing near the beer stand, except instead of typing “beer stand” i actually wrote “beef stand,” which led my imagination down a whole new path.


wednesday october 1

today i went to the nearby laundromat to do a load of laundry. it’s only the third time i’ve been there, so i’m still getting the lay of the land, and wasn’t sure how late it closed. the sign there seemed to indicate that it was open until 10:00 though, so after i finished washing my clothes at about 9:00, i threw them in the dryer. five minutes later, the old lady who runs the place walked up to me and we had a very disjointed conversation (she doesn’t speak english well), the upshot of which was this: actually, it closes at 9:00. but because i’d invested a bunch of quarters in the dryer already, she’d just lock the door, turn off most of the lights, and let me wait there until my clothes were dry, at which point she’d come back and let me out. this was very nice of her and ended up working out perfectly fine (though my guilt was palpable as we stood there watching the my clothes go round during the last two minutes of the dryer cycle). still, for a few minutes there while i sat in the dark, i thought i might’ve misinterpreted what she meant and ended up in a locked-in-the-mall-overnight style scenario, albeit in a much smaller and more boring place.

tuesday september 30

today i made a typo in the security question while e-transferring my rent to my landlord. it was a minor enough error that she could still understand the question and answer it correctly, but i still felt dumb about it, and went back in to update it and make sure it was accurate for next time. there are hundreds of dollars at stake here.

monday september 29

today i was doing some pushups and got distracted staring down at the new tattoo on my arm, admiring how hard i looked, like i should be in prison or in a sons of anarchy-esque motorcycle gang.

sunday september 28

today i ordered a round of crunchy nacho cheese sticks as part of a "basket bites" smorgasbord with three friends at the duke of kent. when i made my choice, the reactions around the table seemed skeptical, in an "okay, you do you" sort of way. when the cheese sticks arrived though, everyone had one and was equally surprised and impressed by how amazing they tasted, to the point where it felt as if my value as a human was being reevaluated in a more positive light based on my order.

saturday september 27

today i was walking down bloor street when i thought i saw a guy walking toward me tell a girl walking about 20 feet in front of me to "smile." this is a pet peeve of mine, and it annoyed me enough that i wanted to say something about it, but i was also far enough away that i wasn’t 100% sure that was what had actually happened — before i could decide how confident i was that i’d just witnessed street harassment, the guy was already by me. for the next five minutes or so, i continued to walk down bloor behind the girl, thinking maybe i should say something to her, but it seemed like a lose-lose proposition — even if i'd accurately assessed the situation, the last thing she'd probably want is another random guy coming up and saying something to her, even if it was just a well-intentioned "that dude's a jerk."


friday september 26

today i was waiting for my friend outside randolph theatre before the pete holmes show when i received a text from her announcing she'd arrived and was in line. because there were about 15 people outside the venue, and no real line to speak of, my first thought was that she'd gone to an entirely different venue across town. so it was actually a pretty big relief when it turned out she had just been standing in the line a block away for whatever was happening at sonic boom.


thursday september 25

today i was walking down bloor street when i heard my name called from across the road, where a pair of my friends were walking in the other direction. "show us your tattoo!" one called, referring to the tattoo i got yesterday. while i was happy to oblige, i struggled a little with taking off my hoodie and rolling up the sleeve of my t-shirt underneath, to the point where it sort of felt like i was doing a striptease in the street. at least they can always say they were my first friends to see it in person, even if it was from 35 feet away.


wednesday september 24

today i ordered a pizza from domino's. as is the case with any domino's online delivery, the site gave me the progress report throughout the process, culminating with the notification that my driver was on his way. oddly, despite the fact that the nearby domino's is only about a three-minute drive from my place, it took over 15 minutes before my pizza arrived. anyway, when the delivery guy finally showed up, he said to me, "i forgot your drink" as he was handing me my drink, then sort of mumbled "here you go" and handed me a dipping sauce i didn't order. while he didn't make it clear at all, my acute ability to size up a situation allowed me to recognize that the reason the delivery had taken so long was because he'd had to go back to get my drink, and he'd brought the free dipping sauce by way of apology.


tuesday september 23

today i was waiting in line at the concession stand at my last blue jays game of the year when a girl came up and asked if she could replace the french fries she'd just bought with fresh ones. where do you think you are, lady, some sort of five-star restaurant? i'm not sure any fry i've ever eaten at the skydome was even made that same day.

monday september 22

today i was at a show at comedy bar when one of the comedians started talking about anxiety. "anybody else got anxiety?" he asked the crowd, and i wanted to woo (this means "yes" at shows), but i couldn’t make myself do it because i felt anxious about the possibility of being the only one to say anything and drawing attention to myself.

sunday september 21

today i messaged a friend letting him know that i’d be seeing a couple shows at comedy bar tomorrow and would be stopping in at hurricanes in between shows to watch some sports and have a couple beers. he was enthusiastic about that idea, so we planned on meeting at 8:30 tomorrow at 'canes. at 8:54pm today though, i got a text from him that read "got a table, show running late?" and was mortified to realize that while i’d abstractly made reference to monday sporting events, i’d never actually specified "monday night" rather than "tonight" in my initial message.


saturday september 20

today i had some real talk with the teller at td, who tried to get me to add a couple new features to my bank account by earnestly explaining, “i know people think i’m trying to pull one over on them, but i really have incentive to do that, just trying to help!” his honesty made me feel comfortable to open up and admit that i generally just don’t like agreeing to something like that on the spot because i find it easier to read about what i’m getting myself into than to hear it explained. i’m just not an auditory learner, you know? while i normally enjoy engaging in idle banter with the tellers during my bank trips, i have to admit this more substantial conversation felt pretty rewarding.

friday september 19

today i was dj’ing at sex laser when i put on a song that seemed like it was being played at a lower volume than everything else. while it may have just been a coincidence that this particular mp3 i’d downloaded was quieter than it was supposed to be, it seemed fair to wonder if the song had intentionally been recorded lower, since it was explicitly called "turn it up."


thursday september 18

today i looked up the producer of "ratchet in my benz" by ty dolla $ign and juicy j, since it's been pretty much the only song i've listened to in the last couple days, to the point where the beat has more or less become a part of me. as it turns out, the producer cites the song specifically in his twitter bio. i guess this is probably because it's his highest-profile production, or maybe even the only song he's produced, who knows (my research didn't extend beyond his twitter). but i'd like to think that he just knows how great it is and wants to put it right out there, as if it'll be the first line in his eventual obituary.


wednesday september 17

today i headed to st. cecilia catholic elementary school after work to play basketball with a couple friends. predictably, we weren't the only ones with that idea, as a group of kids who were probably 11-14 years old were also shooting around. always open to the idea of playing a full-fledged 3-on-3 or 4-on-4 game, we split into teams and started playing. while the game started off promising enough, it quickly devolved into a spectacle for these brats to try to show off just how good they were at dribbling, and just how far away they could shoot from. at times, no one would make a pass for five or six possessions, or if they'd pass you the ball, they'd immediately call "pass it back!" as if they'd done you a huge favour by just letting you touch the ball for a second or two. although play improved a little once we actually started keeping score and played a game to 21, it was still a painful experience for me -- i pride myself on my passing, but in this case felt like i couldn't afford to give up the ball in the rare instances i ended up with it.


tuesday september 16

today i opened my freezer and did a double-take when i saw that the ristorante pizza i brought home yesterday was actually spinaci rather than the pepperoni pesto one i'd believed i was buying. even though the colour schemes on the boxes are pretty similar and i must have just accidentally grabbed the wrong one, i was so caught off guard by the mixup that i actually considered the possibility that someone swapped pizzas in my basket at the grocery store when i wasn't looking. anyway, it's not like the spinach one is terrible or anything, but there's a reason why it always seems to be the last one left in the grocery store when frozen pizzas are on sale.


monday september 15

today i was heading home from a trip to walmart when i ran into some old friends on the street. after i mentioned where i was coming from, they said things like “i actually go to walmart all the time!” and “i’m part of the poor working class, so it’s fine” in a tone that suggested i’d been embarrassed about admitting i’d shopped there. in actuality i felt no shame about it and was pretty excited about the new blanket i'd bought.


sunday september 14

today i finished watching all 11 seasons and 275 episodes of cheers, an undertaking i began last november. now i finally know whether or not sam and diane got together.


saturday september 13

today i made friends at the blue jays game with the middle-aged moustachioed man sitting next to me, who made intermittent small talk throughout the game, including asking when the beer vendors stopped selling. at one point, he rushed out to buy 50/50 tickets while he still could, and promised to buy me a beer if he won. even though they announced the winning ticket well after the beer vendors closed in the 7th inning, i was still a little disappointed when he didn't win.

friday september 12

today i noticed for the first time that the sidewalk on bloor street right near where i used to live at margueretta features a little section that reads "walk here," which seems like an unnecessary clarification. feel like most people already know what sidewalks are for.

thursday september 11

today i was scheduled to play basketball with a friend at mccormick park at 7:00. not wanting to get there ahead of him, since i no longer have my own ball and would just be standing around waiting, i told him to just text me when he got there, and i'd jog over. unfortunately, as it turns out, i'd been confusing macgregor park, which is about two minutes from my house, with mccormick, which is not. while it wasn't that much further a trek, it was still long enough that i felt bad about not bringing my phone with me to let him know about my mixup, and also long enough that i didn't want to run the whole way and burn myself out for our actual game.

wednesday september 10

today i once again forgot that when i turn on the wall-jets in my shower, the water starts out really cold for a couple seconds even if hot water is already coming out of the showerhead. and once again i looked like sonny corleone at the toll booth during those two seconds, trying in vain to move out of the way of the water when there was nowhere to go.


tuesday september 9

today i had an attempt to visit a friend (to see her new apartment) turn into me walking in on a girls’ movie night and then watching the last 45 minutes of step up 2: the streets. the way they talk about the streets in that film is legitimately insane.

monday september 8

today i noticed for the first time that a big sean lyric in the dj mustard song "face down" goes "now i'm the boy she wanna ride with / she gon’ lie for me, kill for me, even shoplift." upon hearing this nonsensical lyric essentially for the first time, i wondered if it might by a sly comment on the michael brown/darren wilson situation, making light of the fact that a bunch of idiots seem to think the fact that brown allegedly shoplifted cigars before he died means that it was okay for wilson to murder him. upon looking at it closer though, i discovered that the song must have come out - or at least been recorded - before the ferguson incident happened, so i guess it's just a weird lyric from big sean.

sunday september 7

today i was walking down the sidewalk and turned around to check to see if any cabs were coming my way. in the second or two that i was walking while facing the wrong direction, i managed to plow into the woman in front of me, who had abruptly stopped walking to rustle around in her bag. we were both very apologetic to the other about the collision, and no harm was done, but i couldn’t help but think that the fact i’ve never had the same sort of collision while driving is pretty lucky. i expect to do it every time i check my blind spot on the highway.


saturday september 6

today i was waiting outside bmo field to meet up with some friends for the toronto fc game and found myself standing beside a guy who hated hearing national anthems before sporting events. after complaining about them for a little while, he finished by telling me, “fucking stupid tradition, man,” put out his cigarette, and walked into the stadium, seemingly uninterested in whether i had any thoughts on the matter.

friday september 5

today i was waiting for a doctor's appointment when i saw a dog walking around at the other side of the clinic, near the pharmacy area. while it wasn't a hospital, the sight of a dog just hanging out with no leash in such an environment reminded me that it was time for my quarterly viewing of my favourite video on youtube, "dog ate dan's new heart."


thursday september 4

today i went to the gladstone library to pick up a book that i'd put on hold. when i walked up to the checkout counter, a pile of comic-book literature (not exactly comic books, but books about comics) sat in the scanning area. after glancing around to see if anyone was about to come check them out, i moved them to one side in order to quickly check out my book. however, when it got to the point where the scanner automatically recognizes your books, one about marvel comics was added to my list of checkouts -- i guess because it was still sitting too close to the scanning area.

without any sort of "back" or "cancel" option, and with no librarian around to help (the only one at the counter seemed deeply engrossed with someone else), i considered my options. ultimately, i decided that the pile of books i'd moved aside was probably meant to be returned, and had just been put in the wrong spot, so there'd be no harm if i took the marvel comics book and dumped it into the actual return slot.

still, while i was happy with this solution, i sort of hope the book pile was meant to be checked out by someone who returned to the counter 20 seconds later and for the life of him couldn't figure out where his book about marvel comics had gone.


wednesday september 3

today i was searching for an old message on facebook and inadvertently fell into a bit of a sinkhole of nostalgia. i ended up spending about 45 minutes looking back through facebook conversations from years ago (2006-08) with people i didn't remember until seeing their names again today -- there were some i still don't remember, in fact. fair warning: we may be friends now, but there's a chance i'll have entirely forgotten you by 2020.

anyway, my most incredible discovery stemmed from a conversation i found from january 2008, in which i exchanged messages with a girl who'd had an art opening at london's alex p. keaton. at this opening, we'd had an awkward and confusing encounter which ended with her telling me "fuck you" a few times, as documented here. our messages after the fact seemed nice enough though, with her apologizing, me telling her i liked her art, and her promising that i should see it in the light of day sometime and that it'd be a "friendlier encounter" the next we met.

because her facebook account was no longer active, i couldn't identify who this person was, but because i was curious, i did a real internet deep-dive using the wayback machine to find the apk's event listings for january 8, 2008, and discovered that the person whose art i praised and who promised me a friendly encounter one day is the same person who i picked last month (thinking i'd never met her before) to do my first tattoo.

tuesday september 2

today i joined instagram and immediately felt pressure to go out and do things with my life that would actually be worth documenting, since i don't think anyone wants to see photos of my madden 2015 team (even though it's very good).

monday september 1

today i used two phones for the entire day since i wanted to play around with my new iphone and figure out how to use it, but my phone number had yet to transfer over from my old blackberry. it was like being forced to drive your old, run-down car while a fast new car sits in your driveway. sorry for not making that analogy more specific, i'm not really a car guy.

sunday august 31

today i ran into the guy moving into the apartment above me, just as he and his friends were finishing moving his stuff into his place and were looking for someplace in the area to get food. when he asked me for recommendations, i first mentioned the emerson and whippoorwill, but he clarified that he was looking for something quick. "oh, well, there's a few places right around the corner. ali baba's, for one," i said, secretly pretty excited that i got a chance to talk about one of my favourite places but trying to be cool about it.


saturday august 30

today i was walking past coffee time at around 2:00 am when i overheard someone expressing incredulity that his friends had elected to go into the coffee shop to use the urinal when they could’ve just used the nearby alley. the one friend that had come with him enthusiastically agreed as they started peeing.

friday august 29

today i tried doritos roulette for the first time and the first two chips i took out of the bag were both the "one-in-seven" hot ones. if it were real roulette i would've been killed twice over.

thursday august 28

today i had trouble for several minutes holding any sort of real conversation with a friend at a bar because another friend standing two feet away was intricately describing details of 50 shades of grey and it was nearly impossible not to listen and laugh.


wednesday august 27

today i realized for the first time that the line in ll cool j’s "headsprung" that i thought went "timbaland laid his love on the track" is actually “timbaland, ladies love on the track.” in retrospect, this is pretty obvious from a guy known as ladies love cool james. still, i feel like my version (in which timbaland is laying down a beat he feels very attached to) makes more sense than anyone referring to himself in the third person as "ladies love," as if that’s the sort of name that can be shortened.

tuesday august 26

today i attempted to do a between-the-legs trick shot when i was up five games to one on my dad in our tennis match. i immediately felt like a jerk for even trying it, but i still think it would have been pretty cool if it had worked.

monday august 25

today i watched the entire emmys with my mom even though the only categories for which she had any real opinions on who should win were the reality tv ones.

sunday august 24

today i was finishing up djing what felt like a very successful rap/r&b night and decided at 2:40am to just let a friend play haim’s "the wire" as the last song while i went to the bathroom because whatever. when i came back, the bar’s owner was at my computer, playing around with the features in virtual dj -- trying things like the “put your hands up in the air” drop and creating random loops of parts of the song that made it sound like a skipping record. it sounded terrible and prompted everyone still on the dance floor to send confused looks in my direction. it’s his bar and he can do what he wants, especially if it encourages people to go home at that hour, but i was still a little concerned that the last thing people would remember of an otherwise super-fun night was being irritated by two-second haim loops. so hopefully everyone was blackout drunk by then.


saturday august 23

today i took the subway to bloor and yonge to drop off some books for donation at the reference library. i only had to walk a block north of bloor from the station, but many of my fellow ttc-goers had to get onto shuttle buses, since a portion of the yonge line was closed. as i walked out to the street away from those shuttles, a ton of people headed in the same direction as me, and i overheard one ttc employee say incredulously to another, "where are they all going?" in a tone which suggested she thought many of us probably wanted to get on the shuttles and were going the wrong way. while that may have been the case for some people, i was tempted to turn around and clarify my destination, just so she didn't think i was one of those sheep.


friday august 22

today i was sitting in the 500 level next to a family of four at the blue jays game when they got up and walked out to the concourse. "i'm afraid of heights, man, this is freaking me out," the dad said to me as he passed by, and i sort of chuckled, thinking that he was joking. that was in the third inning though, and they never came back.


thursday august 21

today i realized for the first time that the name of the band buckcherry - the creators of smash hits like "lit up" - is a play on the name chuck berry.

wednesday august 20

today i received the first knock on my door that has happened since i moved into my new place, from a delivery guy dropping off a desk i'd ordered online. while i was happy to get the desk, it arrived while i was working out, and i was a bit embarrassed that the delivery guy saw the yoga mat on my floor and the jillian michaels video playing on my tv.


tuesday august 19

today i was at an improv show, the kind of show where they ask the audience for a suggestion at the start. in this case, one of the groups asked those of us in the audience to yell out our favourite character from friends. while normally i'm not the type of person to participate in this part of the show, i (almost instinctively) called out "gunther!" they used someone else's suggestion instead -- boring old ross.


monday august 18

today i went to the library to print off a couple pages. now that i have no printer and am relying on the library to do all my printing, i decided i should be prepared for when it would happen again, and asked the librarian to throw $1.50 on my library card -- the equivalent of 10 pages, even though i only needed two today. after using one of the computers to send my job through, i headed to the printer, only to find that instead of $1.50 on my card, there was $0. a little irritated, i headed back to the front desk to ask the librarian who had helped me before what the deal was, and she responded as if she had no idea who i was or when she had previously spoken to me. "this was maybe five minutes ago," i said in disbelief, to which she replied, "and you talked to me?" just out here making real strong first impressions.


sunday august 17

today i wrestled with the following trivia question, paraphrased to the best of my recollection:

this word represents:
1. a company that was founded in 1984 and initially produced laserdiscs
2. a standard for making a judgment or a decision."

after a few minutes of consideration, we had no good ideas, and someone else on my trivia team just wrote down an answer. although i didn't have a better one, i figured there was no way his answer could possibly right, and said "i'm not sure that word meets either criteria." "did you say criterion?" he asked, and while i initially thought he was just rightly correcting my misuse of the plural, i quickly realized that "criterion" - as he was pointing out - was actually a pretty good answer to the question, and turned out to be the right one.


saturday august 16

today i was walking home at about 2 am and approached bloor and lansdowne, where a group of three or four police offers were arresting a man standing right outside ali baba's. "we've got victims and a bunch of witnesses that put you at the spot!" one officer said to the suspect as he was handcuffed. with no desire to say "excuse me" and push past the group, the incident pretty much curtailed any thoughts i may have head about stopping in for a late-night shawarma.

friday august 15

today i went to freezone karaoke in koreatown to meet up with some friends to sing some songs. when i walked in, i wasn't sure which room my friends were in, so i approached the front desk and said "i'm looking for, uh..." during the second that i hesitated, the girl behind the desk interjected and said "amanda?" which was indeed who i was looking for. the way she jumped in with the right name so quickly - combined with a few sightings of other groups i saw throughout the night while buying beers and making bathroom trips - made me feel pretty certain that we were the only white people in the building.

thursday august 14

today i was at the bank and decided to double-check to see whether my address had been updated in td’s system — i’d had it changed over the phone through visa but wasn’t sure if that extended to the bank records as well. as it turns out, the change had been made, but whoever had written in my new street had done so as “landsbound” rather than “lansdowne,” so i’m glad i asked.

wednesday august 13

today i planned to meet a friend at tallboys at 9 pm, but had to run a couple errands near yonge and dundas beforehand. rather than coming back home between the errands and tallboys, i decided to head straight to the bar from downtown, which required estimating how long it would take me to get downtown, run my errands, and then get up to tallboys. predictably, my estimation was off by a few minutes, but it still looked like i was only going to be 5-10 minutes late -- that is, until i got on the subway at yonge to head west to ossington, and immediately heard an announcement that due to a power outage, westbound trains were turning around at st. george. i ended up arriving at tallboys nearly a half hour late.

tuesday august 12

today i scheduled an appointment to get my first tattoo.

monday august 11

today i agreed to a two-year contract extension at my job, so you can catch me hanging out on twitter all day and writing about sports through 2016.


sunday august 10

today i was at the blue jays game, and when the 10th inning ended a little before 5:00 pm, i said to my friend - half-jokingly and half-seriously - that i was starting to worry about being late for my 7:30 trivia night. "you still have two hours!" she said dismissively. of course, i was ultimately proven right, when the game lasted nine more innings, set records for the blue jays' longest game ever by innings (19) and time (6:37), and made me miss the entire first round of trivia.


saturday august 9

today i sold one of three tickets i had to the blue jays game, intending to use the other two when i went with a friend. the tickets ranged from seats 1-3, so i intentionally sold #3 in order to retain control of the aisle. still, before going to the game, i played out the following scenario in my head: we show up late, guy who bought my ticket is sitting in the aisle seat instead of #3, guy refuses to move, i have to play my trump card of "i know you have seat 3, i'm the guy who sold it to you!" and then we sit in unspoken lingering hostility for the rest of the game. in fact, almost every single one of these things actually did happen when we showed up, except that the guy sitting in our seats initially objected to moving because he thought he'd bought seat 2. ultimately though, he brought out his ticket, realized it was for seat 3, and moved over without incident, which was a relief, since i was happier not to have to reveal that i'd been the one to sell him that ticket well above face value.

friday august 8

today i saw two friends in one of the crowd shots of the blue jays television broadcast just a couple hours after i'd "liked" a facebook photo of themselves they'd posted from the game. while i was happy for them for making it onto tv, i felt like the sighting would have been more exciting for me personally if i hadn't known they were there and unexpectedly saw two familiar faces pop up in front of me.


thursday august 7

today i prepared to take all my recycling out to the curb once i got home from the blue jays game. i was looking forward to it, since i still had a bunch of broken-down boxes from my move sitting around my new place, and it would be nice to get rid of them. unfortunately, by the time i got home from the game sometime after 11 pm, the recycling on my street had already been collected, much earlier than i was expecting. i guess now that i'm a major street, i can expect it to be picked up more punctually on thursday night than when i lived on margueretta and they typically came by sometime during friday afternoon.


wednesday august 6

today i made a beer store purchase that came to $14.10. after throwing down a $20 bill, i went to dig around in my wallet for a dime, but found that my change pouch was empty (i'd thrown all my leftover quarters, nickels, and dimes in a tip jar last night when i was without any bigger coins). before i even finished apologizing to the cashier for not having that extra 10 cents, the guy behind me in line announced, "i have a dime" and handed it to me. while i didn't want to be too profuse in my thanks for 10 cents, i was pretty impressed not just that he gave me the money but also that he seemed so prepared for such a situation.


tuesday august 5

today i spoke to my next-door neighbour wayne for the fourth time in four days. i've now spoken to wayne four times as often as i talked to my next-door neighbours during the four years i spent at my last place.


monday august 4

today i went to walmart for the second time in the span of three days, checking out with too many items to use the express lane for the second consecutive visit. over the course of my two trips, i'd gotten very immersed in the process of buying new tools, appliances, and household items for my new apartment, becoming way too excited when i finally tracked down a specific item i needed. i also was really looking forward to getting home and using every single thing i'd bought, though in some cases (ie. my new toaster) such use was more practical and desirable than in other cases (ie. my new toilet plunger).


sunday august 3

today i decided to head back to my old house to clean my room and take care of a couple loose ends. knowing that a rogers technician was due at my new apartment between 2-4pm to set up my internet and cable, i walked over to my old place around noon. about three minutes after i arrived, i received a call from the rogers guy telling me that he was running ahead of schedule and could come by now to install everything. wow what luck! after walking all the way back home to meet him, i waited around for 15 minutes for him to show up out front. nothing. finally, he called me, wanting to know where i was. as it turns out, when i called to correct my address yesterday, they fixed one digit and somehow changed another, so now he was 200 numbers away from my address rather than the mere 10 he would have been had i not called at all. he ended up finding his way to my place and finishing the job anyway, because he was a pro, but... c'mon, rogers.


saturday august 2

today i got an automated call from rogers to confirm a sunday morning appointment to set up the internet and cable at my new apartment. unfortunately, the robo-voice delivering the details was a little off on my address, having swapped a 4 for a 3 in the house number. i called rogers back to make sure they had the correct address, but somehow altering one digit meant they had to push back my appointment from the 8-10am window to the 2-4pm window, which left me pretty miffed. even if they had to cancel my initial appointment and create a new one as a result of their typo, how would there not still be an opening between 8-10? what would the technician who had been supposed to go five doors down be doing instead during that time now?? c'mon, rogers.

friday august 1

today i put my old basketball out to the curb for garbage pick up. it's a good ball, but it had been used so often on outdoor courts that it was literally coming apart at the seams and had gotten all ratty and disgusting. still, i was sad to see it go. as luck would have it, i happened to be coming out of my house when the garbage collectors came by, and i stood watching from my front porch as one of the guys picked up the ball and started dribbling it around on the sidewalk and street. after a few seconds, the other guy came over and they played a little mock one-on-one, with one trying to dribble it past the other -- the guy with the ball was having trouble dribbling between his legs because his garbageman pants were too baggy, but they seemed to be having a lot of fun anyway. it was a great send-off for a ball that's served me well for the last couple years.


thursday july 31

today i was doing some packing in preparation for my move when i came across this cool 17-year-old:


wednesday july 30

today i checked out another no frills after yesterday's futile attempt to collect boxes and was met with a similar lack of options. still, as was the case on tuesday, i managed to find a few things to buy, and went up to the counter to pay. after ringing my items through, the cashier stood there and looked in the other direction while i held out my cash. at least two or three awful seconds must have passed where i held out two $5 bills, slowly leaning over to try to catch her eye. finally, i happened to glance down at the debit machine, which was waiting for me to touch its screen. "oh.... sorry... i'm paying cash," i said to the cashier, who finally turned around and took my money, ending what was an ominously uncomfortable first visit to my new local grocery store.


tuesday july 29

today i went to no frills in the hopes of grabbing a few boxes for my upcoming move. however, the area at the front of the store where the boxes usually sat was empty, for the most part, with only about three or four not-very-useful options there. still, having come all the way to the store, i felt weird just turning around and walking out, so i ended up buying three or four grocery items before leaving. come to think of it, i probably would've done the same thing if there had been boxes, simply because i would've felt guilty about walking in, taking their boxes, and leaving -- like going into a business to use their bathroom and not buying anything.


monday july 28

today i realized i had no idea whether or not a friend who borrowed some money from me seven months ago had ever repaid the loan. i assumed that if the debt remained unpaid, i wouldn't have just forgotten about it, but after checking my email and message history, there was no record of us settling up. plus, maybe i'm just the sort of chill dude who would entirely forget about something like that, since it's just money, man. still, at this point, it's not even about the money -- it's the not knowing that's killing me. it'd be great to find out whether this loan is ancient history (paid) or whether it's still pervading every interaction my friend and i have (unpaid).


sunday july 27

today i watched as a bartender mocked a very inebriated patron who had made an oxymoronic request for a "plastic glass" while i waited to order a drink and hoped i wouldn't say anything so dumb myself.

saturday july 26

today i decided to order a pizza i've been very into lately, a buffalo chicken one that features crispy chicken bites, bbq sauce, and ranch dressing drizzled all over the entire thing. yeah it's a little disgusting, but it's really been hitting the spot lately. this time, however, i was disappointed to see that rather than spreading the ranch dressing all over the pizza, they just threw in a little thing of ranch dip  in a plastic cup on the site. not only did this make it trickier to evenly disperse the ranch sauce, but it also meant i only had enough to use it on about half the slices. kinda think i'm over this pizza now.


friday july 25

today i signed a lease to rent an apartment on my own for the first time, meeting my new landlord at second cup to finalize the agreement. so i guess i'm just the kind of human adult who has his own place and spends time at coffee shops now.


thursday july 24

today i got to an apartment showing a little early and had to make small talk outside with the landlord's husband while someone else looked at the place. although i'm no small-talk expert to begin with, this was a particularly difficult conversation for me, since it seemed like all he wanted to talk about was cars. i'm not one of those guys who knows things about cars, so the discussion was mostly one-sided, with me nodding and grunting a lot. finally, when he asked me what i did for a living, i was excited at the opportunity to turn the topic of conversation to football. within 20 seconds though, he had declared that his favorite team was the detroit lions and somehow managed to bring the conversation back around to cars by extensively discussing the lions' owners (the ford family).

wednesday july 23

today i was having a beer at the ossington when my fingers got caught on the edge of the glass, causing me to spill it all over the bar. one second, i'm sitting there feeling like a cool guy just having a pint on his way home from the jays game. the next second, i feel like a terrible drunk who's embarrassing himself and those around him.


tuesday july 22

today i stood at the bar at comedy bar for several minutes, watching as the bartender served at least five or six people who had walked up to the bar after i'd already been standing there. worried that i was somehow blending in with the scenery, i asked a friend to stand next to me to try to order our drinks, and was unsurprised when she also got served before i did.

monday july 21

today i attempted to skype with my parents, and though the picture and sound seemed mostly fine on my end, it was choppy and basically untenable on their end. after a few minutes, they were asking me to type my replies into the skype chat box, which seemed to defeat the purpose of the endeavour. we cut the conversation short after a minute or two of that, and i sent them an email later in the evening, assuming that if they just wanted to watch me type, they could look at a photo of me while reading my email.


sunday july 20

today i was outside the ossington after trivia talking to a couple friends about a group of non-trivia-players who had showed up halfway through the night making too much noise and generally disrespecting the event. "i knew they were trouble when they--" i started to say, before getting self-conscious about the fact that i was inadvertently quoting a taylor swift lyric nearly verbatim. "... came in," i finished, deliberately switching at least one word so that no one noticed.

saturday july 19

today i tried to find my umbrella before walking out into a rainy london day, but had no luck. my first assumption was that i'd somehow managed to lose it, even though i remembered packing it a day earlier and hadn't touched it since then. as it turns out, i was just looking in the wrong compartment of my bag. still, about 10 hours later, i managed to leave the same dumbrella at a friend's house when i went home for the night. umbrellas and i are like magnets (both with the same charge, repelling one another).


friday july 18

today i spent more time than necessary debating whether i should take the subway or the streetcar to the bus station for my trip to london. eventually i decided on the streetcar, but halfway through the ride, i recalled that the dundas/spadina intersection is a total write-off these days, meaning the dundas car made a lengthy, painfully slow detour up to college and eventually back down. since i'd already been cutting it a bit close, the delay ultimately meant that i arrived at the station at the exact time my bus was supposed to be leaving -- fortunately, this wasn't one of those days when buses were leaving on time, and i managed to board about two minutes before it pulled away. thank you bused god.


thursday july 17

today i spent 25 minutes on the phone with rogers working out a new internet plan, since my old promotion expires at the end of july. although i mentioned multiple times during the call that i'd be moving on september 1 and that this would be a very temporary setup, the service rep still seemed very enthused about sealing the deal on a plan i'll be using for a single month.


wednesday july 16

today i was eating some pizza while watching an episode of nathan for you and was so caught off guard by how funny one segment got that i burst out laughing with a mouthful of pizza so that a bunch of bits flew all over my laptop and desk. i was finding and cleaning up little pizza pieces for the next half hour. it's disgusting in here.

tuesday july 15

today i used the last of a box of kleenex that i'd bought on sunday night before stocking up on junk food. there were 78 tissues in the box, so you can imagine what my garbage can looks like now. there are at least two layers of kleenex in there right now and these things are 3-ply, so i'm pretty sure a small animal could jump out of, say, a third-floor window into my garbage can and have a safe landing, albeit a gross one.


monday july 14

today i was informed by my new roommate that he'd bought a transparent shower curtain and intended to replace our old one, which you can't see through. i didn't object to the change since i only have a few weeks left before i move out, but the fact that he expressed a strong preference for the transparent curtain piqued my interest. as far as i could tell, there was no obvious reason why this would be the case. when i searched yahoo! answers later in the day to see if other people had strong feelings about transparent vs. non-transparent shower curtains, i discovered the most commonly cited reason for preferring transparency was that you avoided a norman bates-type scenario -- you can see what's coming. during my first time with the new curtain, i found this increased awareness a little annoying (for instance, i could see my phone light up with a text message across the room 20 seconds into the shower). but if that's what it takes for my roommate to feel safe, i'll do my best to adjust.


sunday july 13

today i went to trivia at the ossington even though i was pretty sick. feeling a lot of self-pity on my walk home, i decided to reward myself for my herculean effort by stopping at a variety store to grab some chips or some skittles. when i got to the store, i reconsidered -- why not get BOTH? i'll probably be feeling miserable for the next couple days. i deserve it. i wasn't even all the way through the transaction when i started to feel a lot of shame about the decision, but i ultimately walked out of the store with $7 worth of junk food.


saturday july 12

today i decided to grill up some food for lunch and went out to our deck to get the barbecue going. before i turned on the propane tank, i started cleaning the grill, but stopped short when i heard a rustling sound directly below me. i stepped back and looked around the back of the barbecue, and found myself face to face with a raccoon who had been hanging out underneath the grill -- had i reached in to turn on the propane tank right away, i may have found my hand touching raccoon and given both of us heart attacks. as it was, i was able to steer him off the deck and managed to snap a couple candid shots in the process:

friday july 11

today i rode the college streetcar from dufferin to bay with an elderly man - he appeared to be a veteran - who was transporting a giant teddy bear and was the most cheerful ttc passenger i'd ever encountered. for the entirety of his ride, he loudly sang songs, including seemingly self-invented selections about how great toronto is ("this city is your city / this city is my city / from pickering boundary to mississauga / from lake ontario to steeles ave," etc.) and about the great work ttc drivers do. he greeted everyone who came onto the streetcar with a rousing "welcome aboard and thank you for taking the ttc!" he told young people to enjoy their time in the greatest city in the world (toronto, which he likened to new jerusalem), and pointed out several times that 266 different languages are spoken here. when a woman with grey hair sat down near him, he exclaimed, "i like this young girl sittin' down next to me!"

he was a tour-de-force.

while my ideal ttc ride typically involves everyone minding their own business and no one talking, i was in a fantastic mood by the time he got off the streetcar at bay.

thursday july 10

today i was led on a wild goose chase when i tried to find tan-colored shoelaces to replace my broken ones. employees at every store i visited in the dufferin mall directed me to a different store, until finally the fourth or fifth one tried to send me back to the one i'd visited first. none of them even had any good brown ones, let alone tan. all black everything.


wednesday july 9

today i was walking down the street with a friend and had to ask to stop because it felt like my left shoelace had come undone. when i knelt down and pulled up my pant leg, i discovered that the lace had actually broken in half, the second time this had happened, meaning the remaining piece was about a third of its full size. after struggling with it for a couple minutes, all i could do was thread the tiny remaining shoelace through three total eyelets and then knot it a couple times to ensure it stayed together. it actually ended up feeling more comfortable than usual.

tuesday july 8

today i phoned a friend, who answered after one ring by earnestly asking, "hello? is this a pocket dial?" considering we had been exchanging messages a few minutes earlier and i had called her several times in the past, there was no reason to think it was a pocket dial, but i really liked the idea that that's just how she answers every call.


monday july 7

today i was walking toward the subway when i passed a group of three girls who were headed in the other direction. one had been talking on the phone but ended her call as i walked by and announced to her friends, "ALEX IS COMING! I HAVE SOMEONE TO HOOK UP WITH TONIGHT!"


sunday july 6

today i attended an evening screening of a league of their own in christie pits. although i sat so far back that i couldn't see the screen without standing up, i could at least hear the sound pretty well. so that was a refreshing change from the last outdoor screening i attended (jurassic park in trinity bellwoods), where i couldn't hear anything but could see the screen just fine.


saturday july 5

today i played some three-on-three basketball with a couple friends against some guys we met at the court. after two games (one win, one loss), i was feeling pretty good at the way i was playing, particularly on defense, where i'd made a few steals and blocked some shots. my enthusiasm about my performance dimmed a little, however, during our conversations before the third game got underway, in which i found out the kid i'd been guarding was 13 years old.


friday july 4

today i ordered a chicken shawarma platter at ali baba's and had the guy behind the counter try to charge me extra for including a salad (tabbouleh/greek/chickpea/house) in the platter, when everyone knows the extra charge only applies to the second salad. "yo is this guy new here? this ain't my first ali baba's rodeo," is a thing i didn't say, but which i think i conveyed in the confidence with which i corrected his mistake.

thursday july 3

today i was looking forward most of the day to a post-work nap, having been out a little too late last night. however, this plan took a real hit when i got a text from my landlord in the afternoon announcing he'd be by at 7:00pm to fix our oven. i get off work at 6:00 and generally like a nap of at least 90 minutes, so this really threw a wrench into my plans. i ended up taking a 55-minute nap, getting up to greet him and let him in, debating whether i could go back to bed while he was working on the stove, and ultimately not doing it. the rest of my evening was noticeably less satisfying than i feel like it would have been had i been able to sleep at least another half-hour.


wednesday july 2

today i debated ordering a green apple pilsner at the ossington since they were only $2.50 and i was curious to see what they'd taste like. still, even at that price, i was uneasy about committing to a whole tall can when it could very well be terrible -- i really didn't want more than a sip. as i weighed my options, a girl fortuitously stood next to me at the bar, ordered a pilsner, asked me if i was drinking the same thing, then offered me some of hers when i explained my aforementioned quandary. as it turned out, i was right to be concerned about getting a whole can -- not so great.


tuesday july 1

today i went to see obvious child at varsity, and sat near the back of the theatre, with two seats open next to me at the end of our row. a few minutes before showtime, a woman sat in the aisle seat, and her husband joined her several minutes later, complaining about where he had to sit (i got the impression he wanted the aisle rather than having to sit next to me). about 45 seconds into the opening credits, i overheard him tell his wife how much he hated the movie, to which she replied "give it 15 minutes." about 10 minutes later, he chuckled at something and commented about how that was the only thing he'd liked so far. a few minutes later, they both walked out of the theatre.