wednesday june 17

today i went to buy tokens from the ttc attendant at christie station after watching the maple leafs game at christie pits. the attendant was an older man, and he moved so deliberately - slowly, to be frank - while taking my money and sliding my tokens across to me that i thought there might be something wrong with him, or with the situation itself. after he slid the last of the tokens across to me, i heard him say something and point at me. concerned, i asked him to repeat himself, and he replied by saying, "who won the game?" and pointing to my head again. at this point, i realized that he was pointing at my blue jays hat, and i was relieved that i’d checked the jays score at christie pits and was able to tell him, "oh, jays won!" he gave me a thumbs-up and i went on my way, feeling much less unsettled about the encounter.

tuesday june 16

today i went to a barbecue for my girlfriend’s birthday, and ended up being the main griller over the course of the night. by the time everyone had eaten a satisfactory numbers of burgers (and whatever else), there were still two cooked burgers left over. not wanting to waste them, i left them on the grill and shut the barbecue cover, suggesting that maybe someone would want them later. of course, as soon as i shut that cover, i knew it was more likely that everyone would just forget they were there. sure enough, on my way home later that night, i recalled the fact that those two burgers were still on the grill.

monday june 15

today i was at home at about 11:30 pm when the album i’d been listening to ended and i realized that loud music was coming from somewhere else nearby. at first, i thought my upstairs neighbour was listening to something, but then i realized it was actually coming from next door, as my neighbour wayne was blasting tunes in his backyard -- on a weeknight! wayne was playing his music so loudly that i was able to open my door, stick my phone out, and easily shazam the song, which happened to be this 19-minute dream theater jam:


sunday june 14

today i walked down ossington behind a pair of adults and a young boy as the boy held one of each of their hands, swinging back and forth between them. just as i was about to catch up to the trio and pass them, they were preparing for the boy to go airborne again. as he started to swing forward though, he slipped out of their grasp and they ended up tossing him right onto the sidewalk. having glanced back quickly to confirm the kid wasn’t hurt, i can say without any guilt that it was the funniest thing i saw all day and it took a lot of self-control not to laugh out loud as he tumbled to the ground.

saturday june 13

today i went to my local td branch to deposit a pair of cheques, and was disappointed to realize that i recognized none of the three tellers i saw when i entered. after having developed some excellent rapport with a couple td employees during my regular bank visits several months ago, i was finding that those encounters had really fallen by the wayside recently — in part because i’ve had to make deposits at other branches, but also due to the employee turnover at my usual td.

today’s teller, for instance, knew so little about me that he referred to me as "jonathan" and didn’t correct himself, despite the fact that i knew there was a note on his computer to indicate that i go by luke (not to mention that "luke" is the name on my cheques). just when i thought all hope was lost, a familiar face entered from a back office, caught my eye, waved at me, asked me how things were going, and - if i’m being honest - salvaged my visit.

friday june 12

today i noticed that the weeknd song "can’t feel my face" was at 96 plays in my itunes by the time i went to bed. i listened it for the first time two days ago.


thursday june 11

today i watched game 4 of the nba finals at duffy’s and found myself across the room from a middle-aged woman who was rooting for the cavaliers. despite watching the game alone, this woman was taking up practically two full tables on her own, and was commanding the room, constantly yelling at the cavs defense to block every warriors shot attempt and urging lebron james and company to score when cleveland was on offense. every time the cavs brought the ball up the floor, she seemed torn between what sort of basket she wanted them to get, calling out "two points! three points! two points! three points!"

while i originally thought her performance might get a little annoying over the course of the evening, it actually ended up being one of the most entertaining parts of what turned out to be a mostly one-sided game. it was especially enjoyable to see her disdainfully shake her head at her fellow duffy’s patrons - most of whom were rooting for golden state - when the warriors made a nice play and drew cheers from the room.

wednesday june 10

today i entered the subway at the entrance nearest me to buy tokens from a real person, rather than going around to the far entrance to use the machine. since an embarrassing encounter earlier this year, i’d mostly been opting to deal with the machines, but i was in enough of a rush today that going around the long way wasn’t an option. after i asked for 10 tokens, the ttc attendant slid what appeared to be nine tokens over to me. "uh, is this just nine?" i asked, quickly counting them. "what’s that?" he asked. "is this…" i started again, before trailing off when i realized i’d miscounted. "sorry, all good!" i said, moving away, and remembering why i tried to avoid interacting with humans.

tuesday june 9

today i ended up at a place on front street called overdraught after the blue jays game, since it was perhaps the only bar in the area that was showing game 3 of the nba finals and wasn’t packed. with less than a minute left in the fourth quarter, our server began to ask questions like "so what’s this game? is it important? who’s playing? is there a lot of time left?"

for someone who worked at a bar - one that presumably shows sports on a daily basis - to be so clueless about the game almost defied belief. after all, with even a very basic understanding of tv broadcasts, most of her questions could be answered by simply looking at the screen. after her fourth or fifth question, i began to suspect that she was putting on some sort of performance, but i couldn’t come up with a conceivable explanation for why she would do such a thing, unless she thought we were the type of people who enjoyed mansplaining sports to women.

monday june 8

today i walked to a friend’s place at dupont and lansdowne. during the 15-minute walk there, i saw two different streets that were closed off with police tape due to what appeared to be two separate motorcycle accidents.


sunday june 7

today i was waiting in line at ali baba’s when i witnessed a bluetooth-wearing guy in front of me turn to his friend, and say, "let’s get... shawarma wraps? whatever those are."

saturday june 6

today i was sitting on the federal’s patio during dundas west fest when a friend gestured at the menu and asked what exactly the difference was between the 'four guys burger' and the 'big mac nachos.' not really understanding the question, i replied (with what i assumed was some snark), "well, one’s a burger and one’s nachos." my comment didn’t elicit much of a response and it wasn’t until maybe five minutes later that she had a lightbulb moment and said, "oh! i just realized these aren’t both kinds of nachos."

friday june 5

today i was asked whether i’m rooting for the cavaliers or warriors in the nba finals, and answered by saying, "if either team wins, i’ll be happy." my intent was clear -- no matter which team wins, i’ll be happy for them. however, the way i worded my reply made it sound like there was a possible outcome in which no winner was crowned, which i immediately realized but never corrected, even though i felt like i should.

thursday june 4

today i skyped with my brother for 54 minutes. our conversation consisted of about 20% catching up one another’s lives and various miscellany, while the other 80% was made up of talking about season five of game of thrones.


wednesday june 3

today i stopped at brock sandwich on my way over to christie pits. after i placed my order, i heard the guy behind the counter mutter "game’s on." i turned around and noticed that the tv above the front entrance was showing the blue jays game, which he must’ve mentioned to me because i was wearing a jays hat.

as i sat watching, chris colabello hit an rbi single to right field, and the same brock sandwich employee remarked, "that guy can hit the shit out of the ball. too bad he can’t field." i chuckled and said, "yeah, too bad the dh spot isn’t open for him!" and he nodded in assent. emboldened by some quality baseball discussion, he turned on the sound for the game, and when my sandwich was eventually ready, he told me "enjoy the rest of the game!" on my way out. it didn’t seem necessary to tell him that i was heading to the park to watch the maple leafs rather than watching any more of the jays game.

tuesday june 2

today i pre-ordered the new radioactivity album on itunes. the last album i pre-ordered, jamie xx’s in colour, received so much hype and press prior to its release that it was agonizing to actually wait until its release date to get it, but i figure this radioactivity record is far more likely to fly under the radar. my dream scenario would be that i entirely forget that i pre-ordered it or that it’s even coming out, and eventually get surprised when it shows up in my itunes late one monday night four weeks from now.

monday june 1

today i walked up to the checkout counter at walmart, and was greeted with a "hey there," to which i replied, "good." obviously, i’d become so accustomed to a "hi, how are you today?" sort of greeting that i instinctively answered as if i’d been asked that, but the actual exchange immediately made me start laughing — it sounded as if i’d walked up to the counter and announced that, yes, everything here was satisfactory and to my liking.


sunday may 31

today i went the ossington for trivia. at one point, i headed down to the bathroom, leaving my beer about a third full on the bar. when i came back, my beer was gone and a new, full one (clearly lighter than the one i’d been drinking) was in its place. additionally, as i walked back to the bar, i saw someone who had been ordering drinks at the bar near my stool take what looked like a third-full dark beer back to his table. based on my observations, it was probably reasonable to assume that the guy accidentally took my beer back to his table instead of his new one, but i found it very hard to believe he wouldn’t have immediately come back and swapped them if that had been the case. as it was, i waited about three minutes, asked a couple people nearby if the new beer was theirs, then shrugged and started drinking it myself.


saturday may 30

today i sang "slide" by the goo goo dolls at xo karaoke. about an hour later, i heard the same song coming from another group’s room. while it could’ve been a coincidence, i’d much rather believe that they heard my rendition and thought "wow yeah that is a great song, we’ve gotta make sure to do that one too."

friday may 29

today i was walking down yonge street at about 11:00 am when i passed by a group of tourists (i think) who were just sitting in lawn chairs on the sidewalk between dundas and queen. the only explanation i could come up with was that they were hoping to catch a glimpse of the suicide squad filming, but it’s my understanding that filming is only taking place on yonge in the evening. were they gonna wait all day? surely they could’ve set up camp later and still scored a decent spot?

thursday may 28

today i looked at the menu at betty’s on king and immediately asked if it was owned by the same people that own the green room, the red room, nirvana, and so on. a google search suggested that there’s no correlation between betty’s and those places, but the menu - both its font and its content - looked so familiar that i left unconvinced, or at least wondering if i was thinking of another place with a similar-looking menu.

wednesday may 27

today i went to the gladstone library to print something off. before heading upstairs to use one of the computers on the second floor, i checked in with the library employee near the first-floor children’s-area printer to see if that one was working today, since it often isn’t.

"yep, it’s working," she said. "did you send something to it?"
"not yet, just wanted to make sure it would work first!" i replied. "i’ll be back in a minute!"

at this point, i headed up to an open computer, loaded my document, and went to print it, only to find that the "children’s area" printer wasn’t one of the options available to me. the "teen area" printer was the only one that came up, leaving me no choice but to select it. after retrieving my document in the teen area, i went to leave the library, debating whether i should check in with the woman who expected me to "be back in a minute." when i glanced over at the children’s area though, she wasn’t in her usual spot, so i just headed out, vaguely concerned for the rest of the day that she’d be wondering where i went and if i was ever able to print.

tuesday may 26

today i browsed just-eat.ca at my girlfriend’s place for the first time and was amazed at all the options on the list that aren’t available in my neighbourhood. my curiosity to peruse all the new names, combined with the fact that it was her first time using just-eat at all, ensured that we ended up taking longer to browse the site and place an order than it took for the food to actually come.


monday may 25

today i went to st. louis on bremner street with a friend after the blue jays game. we decided to split a pitcher of beer, and i’ve never seen a server so intent on making sure we finished it in a timely fashion (and ordered another one). multiple times, she came over to our table and topped off our glasses, making comments about how fast one of us was drinking compared to the other. i couldn’t really figure out if it was great service or a bit much, but i think i ended up leaning toward the former.

sunday may 24

today i was at lansdowne station waiting to catch the subway to head over to the skydome when a father with his two young kids walked past me, all decked out in blue jays gear. the younger of the two boys stopped in front of me and asked me something, which i didn’t hear. pulling off my headphones, i asked him to repeat himself, and he said, excitedly, "are you going to the blue jays game?" i told him i was, and he replied, "we are too!" to which i gestured at his oversized jersey and said, "i thought you might be!" the moment reminded me of how excited i’d get going to jays games as a kid, before it became old hat, so i hope my comment didn’t sound too condescending.


saturday may 23

today i was sitting at the bar at the derby waiting for a couple friends to show up, when i happened to overhear a conversation happening behind me. a group of three girls was sitting at one of the tables and a loud british-sounding guy who was there with his own group of friends started to chat them up. after a few minutes, when they asked what he did, he told them he played some sort of inspector character on the cbc television show murdoch mysteries. "google it!" he implored, sensing their skepticism that such a star would be in the house. one girl did google it, and announced to the table, with some surprise, "oh my god, it’s him!"

shortly after this revelation took place, one of my friends showed up, and this guy and his friends ended up moving on to another bar (i heard talk of opera bob’s), making me forget about the whole series of events. when i remembered it later and looked up murdoch mysteries on imdb, i was able to identify the loud guy who had been standing behind me as this man. i also discovered that the derby seems to be the official toronto bar of murdoch mysteries. great stuff.

friday may 22

today i put beers in my fridge for the first time in four and a half months.

thursday may 21

today i looked up the definition of "mansplaining" on urban dictionary and discovered that - in what i can only assume is a sly display of self-referential internet art - all the definitions themselves actually perfectly embody mansplaining.

wednesday may 20

today i was in my backyard when my next door neighbour wayne introduce me to his friend john. the way wayne introduced us was to say "have you guys met before?" to which john replied, "yeah, you work with computers, right?" caught off guard, i replied that i work at home on a computer, though i’m just a writer and not some sort of technological wizard. that didn’t stop john from asking my opinion on which antivirus software he should be using, and spending a good three minutes talking about what kind of computer he had and what kind of viruses it had acquired. gonna be honest, i don't think we had met before.