monday september 29

today i went to the central library to pick up a dvd i had on hold there. upon entering, i walked over to the hold shelf, and was troubled to see that my item wasn't there. given that it was supposed to be held until tuesday, i immediately assumed that some jerk who'd wanted to watch the film so badly that he just couldn't wait had somehow finagled it out of my name. this resulted in my angrily fuming to myself that they shouldn't just put awesome dvds out in the open for anyone to potentially nab. before leaving, however, i checked the catalogue and saw that the hold was still in place. grudgingly, i asked about it at the information desk and was told that dvds were, in fact, held behind the front checkout desk. with combined embarrassment and relief, i went to the counter and secured my dvd.

sunday september 28

today i participated, over the course of the day, in a 24-message facebook thread with a friend that was composed entirely of discussion about our chances on the final day of the fantasy baseball season.


saturday september 27

today i went to a show that started so early that when the headlining band began playing, i remained outside sitting on the patio for nearly a full song, convinced that they were an opening band until i realized that the faint noise we could make out sounded sort of familiar.


friday september 26

today i drove over to white oaks mall on my lunch break, intending to make a quick purchase at h&m. within two minutes, i found what i wanted, and began walking over to the checkout counter. when i'd almost reached the counter, i noticed that there were no employees behind it. i lingered in the area for a few seconds, glancing around to see if anyone would come over; no one did. unsure of exactly what to do (whether to just keep standing there until someone noticed, or whether there was a bell i could ding, or what), i feigned interest in a display bin in that section, then slowly walked back to the men's section. knowing i was in no rush, with plenty of time to spare, i looked at clothes there for the next six minutes, until another customer made their way to the checkout counter, drawing an employee. at this point, i slipped into line, pretending that now i'd seen all i wanted to.


thursday september 25

today i forgot to bring my ipod to work for the first time since i began listening to it every day, about two weeks after i started the job. while i could get by easily without it during those first two weeks, since i didn't know what i was missing, it has since become like my heroin every weekday. within the first ten minutes of the day i was already wondering how i'd last until 5:00 pm. the pangs of withdrawal were sharpest during mid-afternoon, peaking at the moment when i once again heard the whistling from "young folks", which instinctively made me clench my fists tightly together. never again will i leave home without my fix.

wednesday september 24

today i called in sick to work for the second consecutive day. this call was the most stressful part of my day. despite the fact that i was, in fact, genuinely ill, and not just looking for an excuse to take a day off, i felt i needed to prove that in the span of my ten-second phone message. fortunately, upon hanging up, i felt like i'd succeeded, and that my message had perfectly mixed remorseful, regretful, and raspy.


tuesday september 23

today i made a mental note to add "taking pills" to the list of things i'm really good at, after taking a pill that looked like it was intended for a horse or perhaps an elephant, without even a sip of water!!


monday september 22

today i was riding the bus home when i noticed what appeared to be a giant, inflatable mr. peanut likeness, which i originally mistook as a hot air balloon, floating above my neighbourhood.


sunday september 21

today i posted the last of my LOLA coverage on muchmusic.com. in case you missed them!!! my only regrets are talking nothing about the art, and also not mentioning how silly andrew francis's pre-planned encores were. he came off like an irritating hype man hosting a fifth-rate freestyle rap battle. let the crowd dictate if they get an encore or not, jeez.


saturday september 20

today i was walking down richmond street when i passed a dad and his (approximately) 5 year old daughter biking down the street. The dad had a regular sized bike which was connected to his daughter's kid-sized bike behind him, allowing her to ride along without doing any work. As they rode past, his facial expression was plain, hardly memorable, while hers, presumably unbeknownst to her father, was one of unadulterated intensity and excitement, both her hands raised in the air, throwing up devil horns.

friday september 19

today i was driving home across the bridge near labatt park and harris park, out of downtown, when i was blocked off by an array of police cars and an ambulance. as i sat there waiting for the way to be cleared, i saw police arrest someone and shove him into the back of one of their cars. when they finally opened a narrow lane for the lineup of stopped cars to drive through, i glanced towards the middle of the road and noticed a man sprawled out on the median, and paramedics preparing to load him on a stretcher into their ambulance. This resulted in my imagination running wild about what sort of incident could've gone down, and also left me feeling vague pangs of guilt for being really happy when the wait ended and i was just able to drive through and get home to sleep.

thursday september 18

today i watched days of wine and roses while drinking multiple beers.


wednesday september 17

today i was eating pizza for lunch, at a picnic table close to little caesars, as i often do. as i was sitting there chewing and reading a book, three kids -- probably about 10 years old -- walked past and one of them said to me: "hey can i have a piece?" and then quickly added "just kidding!" before i could respond. attempting to show that i'm a cool, fun guy, in spite of my office-ready dress shirt and pants, i called after them: "i would have said no anyway!" in a tone i was hoping sounded casual and joking, but, judging by the uncomfortable reaction, might not have come off that way.


tuesday september 16

today i heard the song "young folks" by peter bjorn & john over the muffled intercom in our office that plays a radio station faintly. the volume is so low that i have no idea which radio station it is, and in fact usually hear no other songs all day, unless i'm listening specifically for them. this was, however, the third day in a row that i'd heard "young folks" because of how bizarrely loud the song's whistling is in the mix. the whistling is all i hear of the entire track, whether or not i have my headphones on (listening to something else on my ipod). it's starting to make me want to destroy my eardrums. how did i ever like this song.


monday september 15

today i bought a bag of ranch-flavoured crispers on my lunch break, intending to eat them throughout the afternoon to quell my hunger. upon eating the first few, however, i realized there was no way i could eat them without getting my fingers dirty with lingering cripser crumbs; no good for simultaneously using a computer! my snack delayed, the post-work crispers chow down was pretty much all i thought about for the final three hours of my work day.


sunday september 14

today i was riding the greyhound bus home to london when i realized that the woman sitting next to me had fallen asleep. her head began to gradually lean and lean until it was almost on my shoulder as i shifted uncomfortably away, unsure of what exactly to do. finally, when it was getting too close for comfort, i pretended to nudge her head 'accidentally' while shifting positions, prompting her to jerk awake and immediately apologize.

saturday september 13

today i drove a race against time and rain to toronto, in a truck with a couch and bed in the open cab in the back; we won.

friday september 12

today i ate lunch at mcdonald's with a coworker. with about 10 minutes left in our lunch hour, we decided to head back to work, and my coworker rose and began walking away from our mcdonald's table. i hesitated, unsure of whether he was leaving or just using the washroom, since he'd left all of our garbage and trays on the table. when i saw him turn towards the exit door, i froze, still standing at our table. i had to make a snap decision, either cleaning up the mess and throwing it out, making him look like a jerk, or following him and leaving the mess for the employees to clean up, potentially making us both look like jerks. my choice was somewhere in between, as i quickly tossed as much of the table's garbage onto our tray as possible before getting up and leaving. as if that did any good.


thursday september 11

today i got off work at 5:00 and began driving across the city to campus to host my radio show. i talked to my radio partner and confidently assured him i'd be there by 5:30, to prepare for the 6:00 show. i then began a drive down wharncliffe road that lasted 50 minutes, including 30 minutes to get from horton to oxford. while approaching oxford, i began to panic slightly, knowing that i was the only one of us who knew how the control board functioned, and that a sports discussion show with one person was pretty hard to pull off. as i began running through all the potential solutions for what could happen if i didn't make it on time, i passed through oxford and all of the sudden the traffic cleared up entirely, as if it was just a normal street again!! the rest of the trip took approximately four minutes, and i made it into the studio with plenty of time (five minutes) to spare.


tuesday september 9

today i was buttoning up my shirt while getting dressed in the morning. when i reached the last button, near the collar, i thought that it felt a little different than normal, but chalked it up to being a shirt i didn't wear often, and wasn't used to. i didn't consider it again until arriving at work and passing by the coffee station, saying good morning to a couple co-workers. as i passed by them, i absentmindedly passed my hand by the top of my shirt and realized that, sure enough, i was exposing much more of my chest than usual. i quickly sat down in my cubicle and inspected the button situation, and sure enough, there were two on one side and one on the other, as i'd been one off on each button without noticing. i spent the next 90 seconds in the bathroom stall, redressing myself.

monday september 8

today i was sitting near the front of a fairly busy bus on the way to work. i was reading a novel and was so caught up in it that i didn't even notice that an elderly lady was standing near the bus's entrance, until another voice piped up, "this young man's offering you his seat," as a kid who looked about 14 politely stood up. i felt vaguely guilty the rest of the way, though i only looked up from my book for about three seconds.


sunday september 7

today i was supposed to sign the lease for the toronto apartment i'm currently paying rent for, a rare opportunity to do so, being in town for one of the few times until i actually 'move in.' instead of coming over to do so, however, the landlady decided to put it off because it was raining outside.


saturday september 6

today i went to a restaurant for breakfast. the menu choice that i decided on posed far too many options: how you want your eggs done, which two of five possible 'breakfast meats' you want, toast vs. a bagel, and so on. when the time came to order, i nearly made it through each of these decisions harmlessly, until the waiter asked: "what kind of toast?" having been anticipating the question to be "toast or bagel?" i froze and stammered "just..... toast," not realizing that he was, in fact, asking me what kind of bread i wanted, having already correctly assumed that i wasn't going to choose the bagel.


friday september 5

today i rode the greyhound bus to toronto and sat behind a girl who was watching one tree hill dvds on her macbook for the entire duration of the trip. every time i looked up, there was chad michael murray looking back at me.


thursday september 4

today i was cooking dinner when i accidentally spilled all over the surface of our cermaic stove-top. unable to clean up the liquid mess on the extremely hot burner before it hardened, i was subsequently forced to employ four different household cleaners, unsure of which one would produce optimal results. the results were less than satisfactory.

wednesday september 3

today i participated in a fantasy football draft for a league that i refer to as my 'family league,' except i didn't know who approximately half the participants were.


tuesday september 2

today i was the only one home when a friend of my mother's arrived at our house to stay overnight. as such, i was left with the responsibility of being the welcome wagon and directing her to her room and such. upon taking her suitcase up to the guest room, i flicked the light switch, and nothing happened. having prepared the room during the day, we hadn't noticed that the light bulb had burnt out. our guest still hanging out downstairs, attempting to pick up our wireless connection, i quickly slipped down the hall to my brother's bedroom. he had just left for france, and wouldn't be needing his lightbulb. i unscrewed it and headed back to the guest room, pleased with myself for thinking quickly and problem solving. unfortunately, when i went to change the bulb on the ceiling, i found that simply standing on a chair did not give me enough height -- i needed some sort of LADDER. at this point, the whole procedure seemed like a lot of unnecessary work. i returned my brother's light bulb, turned on the guest room's bedside lamp and went back to watching 90210.


monday september 1

today i received a text message from a friend calling me out on a recent entry in this blog, bragging about what rhymes he would've chosen, and pointing out that "headroom" wasn't even a word. this led me to text back the following hypothetical rap lyric to prove that i was on the right track: "top come off my coupe to gimme more head room / top come off my girl soon as we up in the bedroom."


sunday august 31

today i was flipping through tv stations while killing time, and came across the will smith blockbuster hit, independence day. while it was one of my favourite movies upon its initial release, i hadn't seen it in, in all likelihood, nearly ten years. however, as the movie unfolded, more and more of its dialogue began coming back to me, to the point where i knew exactly what james rebhorn's cadence would be when his albert nimzicki character delivered the line "that's not.... enTIREly accurate...." during the conversation about area 51.