monday may 30

today i took the subway to finch station for work. as usual, as i tried to exit the car, the group of people preparing to enter crowded in, ready to push their way on the instant all of us had gotten off. however, today, one middle-aged man couldn't even wait that long, and pushed his way through the door while a handful of us were still waiting to exit. as soon as this happened, a younger guy started yelling at him, hilariously. "what is wrong with you?" he called. "are you a savage? you're a savage!" it was a wonderful way to start the work week.

sunday may 29

today i went to black dice for a drink and chatted with the bartender as i drank. after finishing, we attempted a high five as part of the goodbye and nearly whiffed entirely on it. "good one!" i said faux-enthusiastically, as we parted ways. although my mockery was aimed at both of us, i had a nagging concern as i walked home that she interpreted it solely as a sarcastic criticism of her high-fiving ability.

saturday may 28

today i spent the night at home relaxing for the first time in about a week. it allowed me the chance to "catch up on the internet," which i always find immensely rewarding. my favourite discoveries of today were planking, kreayshawn's "gucci gucci," and this gif.

friday may 27

today i heard a friend do such a convincing cover of earth, wind & fire's "september" that i initially thought he was lip-synching.

thursday may 26

today i listened to so many horrible opinions about baseball and the blue jays on the streetcar ride home from the game that i debated starting a blog called "overheard at rogers centre." it would feature a post at the end of each homestand in which i shared and mocked the most ridiculous things i overheard fans say at (or after) games.

wednesday may 25

today i wrote this missed connection.

tuesday may 24

today i overhead someone earnestly say "bless me" after they sneezed. for whatever reason, this struck me as very unusual, as if post-sneeze blessings could only be bestowed on you by someone other than yourself.

monday may 23

today i was sitting in my house when i heard two sounds coming from outside. the first was the repeated explosion of fireworks, in honour of victoria day. the second was the jaunty melody of the neighbourhood ice cream truck coming down the street. the juxtaposition of the two noises made it sound as if some sort of bizarre horror movie was being filmed outside.

sunday may 22

today i stopped by ali baba's on my way home from a barbeque at about 1 am -- late saturday night, early sunday morning. glancing at the specials before i came in, i noticed i was much more interested in the sunday one (discount on two shawarmas) than saturday's (discount on two platters). so before i ordered, i asked if, since it was technically sunday, i could get that discount. the ali baba's employee chuckled heartily and got his co-worker's attention so he could repeat my request. then they both had another chuckle and the first guy turned back to me and was like "no." i didn't think it was that ridiculous a question.

saturday may 21

today i was walking down college street with a friend, heading for a barbeque. suddenly, the bottom of his six-pack of beer gave way and an instant later, college was a mess of broken glass and beer. although the beer/money lost and the mess we'd made in such a public location was a real bummer, the most exceptional thing about the incident to me was that only three of the six beers broke when they hit the ground. half of them survived! silver lining.

friday may 20

today i witnessed, for the first time ever, a friend get kicked out of a blue jays game.

thursday may 19

today i failed to go a blue jays home game when i was in toronto and not working, for the first time all year. in my absence, my friends, including the one who borrowed my season pass, got on the jumbotron for the first time of the season.

wednesday may 18

today i passed a guy holding his four-year-old daughter by the hand as they walked through dufferin mall. he was wearing a t-shirt that read "el gay es el" with an image of a finger pointing off to the left.

tuesday may 17

today i let a girl who asked to use my toothbrush do so, in an effort to seem like a cool, easy-going guy. mere hours later, i bought a new toothbrush.

monday may 16

today i attended the donald glover show at the opera house. having arrived about two minutes before the show got underway, we didn't have time to pick and choose an optimal standing spot, meaning we ended up right by the stairs that people were using to come and go as they pushed through the sold-out crowd. in most cases, this was just annoying, but one crowd-pusher just made me sad -- a guy who looked like he weighed about 300 pounds snaked his way through the mass of bodies toward the bathroom at one point and came back the other way about five minutes later. mumbling "almost there" as he approached us during his return trip, it looked as if he'd sweat about a gallon in the last five minutes. as he pushed his way by us, he said "i'm so sorry" with such anguish that you'd have thought he just ran over our puppies with his car.

sunday may 15

today i was waiting in line at the bus station when the guy behind me in line asked me if i could watch his bag for a minute. sure, no problem, i said. not that i was about to run down anyone who tried to jack his bags, but that seemed pretty unlikely. he walked away from the line with a friend for a smoke break, and a couple minutes later, a potential problem arose -- the bus was about to start boarding. as the greyhound staff prepared to take tickets, i debated what to do. did i stand there next to his bag as everyone passed me in line? did i just leave it behind? did i drag it up to the front of the line with me and leave it next to the staff so they could watch it? fortunately, just as passengers began to board, the guy returned from smoking and saved me from making a big decision. i still don't know what i would've done.

saturday may 14

today i watched a man who appeared to be mentally handicapped perform a karaoke version of lady gaga's "bad romance."

friday may 13

today i had a london friend pick me up a six-pack of mill st. organic, since my bus was getting into town too late to stop at the beer store. upon my arrival, everything seemed to be going smoothly -- i broke the seal on the six-pack, drank the first couple, and then noticed something weird. in addition to my two empties on the counter, there were only three beers left in the box. convinced i misplaced one or my friend had borrowed one, i searched high and low for the sixth beer, but never found it. while eventually i came to realized that the six-pack must really have only been a five-pack, it took a while for me to trust my own eyes and logic more than i blindly trusted mill street not to make such a mistake.

thursday may 12

today i went out for dinner with a friend and had the same thing to eat as she did. even though i'd decided first that i was going to order that particular entree, i let her order first to make it seem like i was the one copying her. it was the nicest thing i did all day, i think.

wednesday may 11

today i attended the blue jays/red sox game and for much of the game was enjoying the razzing that the few red sox fans in our section were getting. a few comments here and there. some harmless taunting. it was all good. until at one point later in the game, as the sox fans stood up and invited the section to boo them, one idiot from way up above decided it was a good idea to throw a soda at them. rather than hitting the sox fans, it hit an old couple sitting nearby, inspiring the old guy to spring up, turn around, and yell up at the culprit with a vigour that he probably hadn't displayed in months.

tuesday may 10

today i came across the name "bethany wild" on an application at work. in a tweet i was pretty pleased with, i said that if you were bethany wild's kid, you could tell people you were "born to b. wild." no one acknowledged it. twitter is tough sometimes.

monday may 9

today i was sitting at my cubicle when i noticed some oohs and ahhs coming from some of my nearby coworkers. surreptitiously glancing around to see what was going on, i was dismayed to see the boss bringing his four-month-old grandchild on an office tour, drawing "awwwws" everywhere he went. knowing i'd be unable to muster much enthusiasm about looking at a baby, i hoped he'd avoid stopping at my cubicle during the tour. when the boss finally came by, he non-chalantly said "hey luke," causing me to look over and see the baby in his arms. pretending i was realizing for the first time that there was a baby in the office, i let loose a "how about that" chuckle as if i'd just heard an interesting piece of trivia. fortunately, he quickly moved on to the next cubicle, sparing me from having to come up with any more to say than that.

sunday may 8

today i was making the late-night walk home with my roommate, both of us wearing blue jays caps, when the driver of a passing suv opened his window and yelled "BLUE JAYS SUCK!" at us. as he sped off, there was little hope of getting in any sort of retort, meaning the best i could hope for was that he'd get arrested for a dui later in the night.

saturday may 7

today i attended justin verlander's no-hitter against the blue jays at the rogers centre. the only thing my friends and i spent more time talking about during the game than the no-hitter was the question of who was inside the "junior" mascot costume. while one friend was convinced it had to be a little person, my roommate and i argued that it was entirely possible it was a child with precocious dancing ability.

friday may 6

today i was walking through the set of double doors that lead from finch subway station to my office building. the girl in front of me, having already walked through the first set of doors, approached the second set and attempted to pull them open -- they're push-open doors. i guess at some point during the five seconds it takes to walk from the first set of doors to the second, she'd entirely forgotten that she pushed the first time.

thursday may 5

today i sat across from a girl on the subway on the way to work. from the first moment i looked at her until she eventually got off, she was smiling. not at me. not really at anyone. just a big smile on her face, as if she was replaying some hilarious joke in her head and trying not to laugh out loud at it. it was extremely unnerving. no one ever smiles on the morning subway.

wednesday may 4

today i nearly stepped on a dead bird while walking along bloor street. the bird corpse lay on its side next to the curb, one eye staring lifelessly upward at the sky through which it would never soar again.

tuesday may 3

today i sat on the subway and watched as a woman called after a guy who was about to get off at eglinton station. apparently he'd forgotten his umbrella on his seat, and her warning allowed him to grab it in time. just before the doors closed, he turned back to her, held up the umbrella and proclaimed "there IS a god!" i get that he was happy about not losing his umbrella and all, but that seems like an odd little incident to view as proof of a higher entity.

monday may 2

today i was told that i'd be sharing my cubicle at work with a "summer student" starting tomorrow. after a computer was set up on the opposite end of my desk for this new employee, i glanced over and noticed that the hard drive, which had been salvaged from the supply closet, had a note taped to its side that read "hd dead." looking forward to seeing how long it takes to find that note or just to confirm its message tomorrow.

sunday may 1

today i fished my most recent pay stub out of the trash in preparation to prove my identity at the polling station tomorrow. i had sort of slid it down the side when i put it in my garbage can -- and anyway, the grossest things in there were snotty kleenexes, so it was ultimately okay, i think.

saturday april 30

today i got a text at about 8:30 or 9 pm from a friend asking what i was doing tonight. i replied that i was just eating takeout and having a beer alone. i expected this reply to elicit some sympathy, or at least an invite to whatever she was doing. instead, she replied "lol" and i didn't hear from her the rest of the night.