friday september 26

today i was waiting for my friend outside randolph theatre before the pete holmes show when i received a text from her announcing she'd arrived and was in line. because there were about 15 people outside the venue, and no real line to speak of, my first thought was that she'd gone to an entirely different venue across town. so it was actually a pretty big relief when it turned out she had just been standing in the line a block away for whatever was happening at sonic boom.


thursday september 25

today i was walking down bloor street when i heard my name called from across the road, where a pair of my friends were walking in the other direction. "show us your tattoo!" one called, referring to the tattoo i got yesterday. while i was happy to oblige, i struggled a little with taking off my hoodie and rolling up the sleeve of my t-shirt underneath, to the point where it sort of felt like i was doing a striptease in the street. at least they can always say they were my first friends to see it in person, even if it was from 35 feet away.


wednesday september 24

today i ordered a pizza from domino's. as is the case with any domino's online delivery, the site gave me the progress report throughout the process, culminating with the notification that my driver was on his way. oddly, despite the fact that the nearby domino's is only about a three-minute drive from my place, it took over 15 minutes before my pizza arrived. anyway, when the delivery guy finally showed up, he said to me, "i forgot your drink" as he was handing me my drink, then sort of mumbled "here you go" and handed me a dipping sauce i didn't order. while he didn't make it clear at all, my acute ability to size up a situation allowed me to recognize that the reason the delivery had taken so long was because he'd had to go back to get my drink, and he'd brought the free dipping sauce by way of apology.


tuesday september 23

today i was waiting in line at the concession stand at my last blue jays game of the year when a girl came up and asked if she could replace the french fries she'd just bought with fresh ones. where do you think you are, lady, some sort of five-star restaurant? i'm not sure any fry i've ever eaten at the skydome was even made that same day.

monday september 22

today i was at a show at comedy bar when one of the comedians started talking about anxiety. "anybody else got anxiety?" he asked the crowd, and i wanted to woo (this means "yes" at shows), but i couldn’t make myself do it because i felt anxious about the possibility of being the only one to say anything and drawing attention to myself.

sunday september 21

today i messaged a friend letting him know that i’d be seeing a couple shows at comedy bar tomorrow and would be stopping in at hurricanes in between shows to watch some sports and have a couple beers. he was enthusiastic about that idea, so we planned on meeting at 8:30 tomorrow at 'canes. at 8:54pm today though, i got a text from him that read "got a table, show running late?" and was mortified to realize that while i’d abstractly made reference to monday sporting events, i’d never actually specified "monday night" rather than "tonight" in my initial message.


saturday september 20

today i had some real talk with the teller at td, who tried to get me to add a couple new features to my bank account by earnestly explaining, “i know people think i’m trying to pull one over on them, but i really have incentive to do that, just trying to help!” his honesty made me feel comfortable to open up and admit that i generally just don’t like agreeing to something like that on the spot because i find it easier to read about what i’m getting myself into than to hear it explained. i’m just not an auditory learner, you know? while i normally enjoy engaging in idle banter with the tellers during my bank trips, i have to admit this more substantial conversation felt pretty rewarding.

friday september 19

today i was dj’ing at sex laser when i put on a song that seemed like it was being played at a lower volume than everything else. while it may have just been a coincidence that this particular mp3 i’d downloaded was quieter than it was supposed to be, it seemed fair to wonder if the song had intentionally been recorded lower, since it was explicitly called "turn it up."


thursday september 18

today i looked up the producer of "ratchet in my benz" by ty dolla $ign and juicy j, since it's been pretty much the only song i've listened to in the last couple days, to the point where the beat has more or less become a part of me. as it turns out, the producer cites the song specifically in his twitter bio. i guess this is probably because it's his highest-profile production, or maybe even the only song he's produced, who knows (my research didn't extend beyond his twitter). but i'd like to think that he just knows how great it is and wants to put it right out there, as if it'll be the first line in his eventual obituary.


wednesday september 17

today i headed to st. cecilia catholic elementary school after work to play basketball with a couple friends. predictably, we weren't the only ones with that idea, as a group of kids who were probably 11-14 years old were also shooting around. always open to the idea of playing a full-fledged 3-on-3 or 4-on-4 game, we split into teams and started playing. while the game started off promising enough, it quickly devolved into a spectacle for these brats to try to show off just how good they were at dribbling, and just how far away they could shoot from. at times, no one would make a pass for five or six possessions, or if they'd pass you the ball, they'd immediately call "pass it back!" as if they'd done you a huge favour by just letting you touch the ball for a second or two. although play improved a little once we actually started keeping score and played a game to 21, it was still a painful experience for me -- i pride myself on my passing, but in this case felt like i couldn't afford to give up the ball in the rare instances i ended up with it.


tuesday september 16

today i opened my freezer and did a double-take when i saw that the ristorante pizza i brought home yesterday was actually spinaci rather than the pepperoni pesto one i'd believed i was buying. even though the colour schemes on the boxes are pretty similar and i must have just accidentally grabbed the wrong one, i was so caught off guard by the mixup that i actually considered the possibility that someone swapped pizzas in my basket at the grocery store when i wasn't looking. anyway, it's not like the spinach one is terrible or anything, but there's a reason why it always seems to be the last one left in the grocery store when frozen pizzas are on sale.


monday september 15

today i was heading home from a trip to walmart when i ran into some old friends on the street. after i mentioned where i was coming from, they said things like “i actually go to walmart all the time!” and “i’m part of the poor working class, so it’s fine” in a tone that suggested i’d been embarrassed about admitting i’d shopped there. in actuality i felt no shame about it and was pretty excited about the new blanket i'd bought.


sunday september 14

today i finished watching all 11 seasons and 275 episodes of cheers, an undertaking i began last november. now i finally know whether or not sam and diane got together.


saturday september 13

today i made friends at the blue jays game with the middle-aged moustachioed man sitting next to me, who made intermittent small talk throughout the game, including asking when the beer vendors stopped selling. at one point, he rushed out to buy 50/50 tickets while he still could, and promised to buy me a beer if he won. even though they announced the winning ticket well after the beer vendors closed in the 7th inning, i was still a little disappointed when he didn't win.

friday september 12

today i noticed for the first time that the sidewalk on bloor street right near where i used to live at margueretta features a little section that reads "walk here," which seems like an unnecessary clarification. feel like most people already know what sidewalks are for.

thursday september 11

today i was scheduled to play basketball with a friend at mccormick park at 7:00. not wanting to get there ahead of him, since i no longer have my own ball and would just be standing around waiting, i told him to just text me when he got there, and i'd jog over. unfortunately, as it turns out, i'd been confusing macgregor park, which is about two minutes from my house, with mccormick, which is not. while it wasn't that much further a trek, it was still long enough that i felt bad about not bringing my phone with me to let him know about my mixup, and also long enough that i didn't want to run the whole way and burn myself out for our actual game.

wednesday september 10

today i once again forgot that when i turn on the wall-jets in my shower, the water starts out really cold for a couple seconds even if hot water is already coming out of the showerhead. and once again i looked like sonny corleone at the toll booth during those two seconds, trying in vain to move out of the way of the water when there was nowhere to go.


tuesday september 9

today i had an attempt to visit a friend (to see her new apartment) turn into me walking in on a girls’ movie night and then watching the last 45 minutes of step up 2: the streets. the way they talk about the streets in that film is legitimately insane.

monday september 8

today i noticed for the first time that a big sean lyric in the dj mustard song "face down" goes "now i'm the boy she wanna ride with / she gon’ lie for me, kill for me, even shoplift." upon hearing this nonsensical lyric essentially for the first time, i wondered if it might by a sly comment on the michael brown/darren wilson situation, making light of the fact that a bunch of idiots seem to think the fact that brown allegedly shoplifted cigars before he died means that it was okay for wilson to murder him. upon looking at it closer though, i discovered that the song must have come out - or at least been recorded - before the ferguson incident happened, so i guess it's just a weird lyric from big sean.

sunday september 7

today i was walking down the sidewalk and turned around to check to see if any cabs were coming my way. in the second or two that i was walking while facing the wrong direction, i managed to plow into the woman in front of me, who had abruptly stopped walking to rustle around in her bag. we were both very apologetic to the other about the collision, and no harm was done, but i couldn’t help but think that the fact i’ve never had the same sort of collision while driving is pretty lucky. i expect to do it every time i check my blind spot on the highway.


saturday september 6

today i was waiting outside bmo field to meet up with some friends for the toronto fc game and found myself standing beside a guy who hated hearing national anthems before sporting events. after complaining about them for a little while, he finished by telling me, “fucking stupid tradition, man,” put out his cigarette, and walked into the stadium, seemingly uninterested in whether i had any thoughts on the matter.

friday september 5

today i was waiting for a doctor's appointment when i saw a dog walking around at the other side of the clinic, near the pharmacy area. while it wasn't a hospital, the sight of a dog just hanging out with no leash in such an environment reminded me that it was time for my quarterly viewing of my favourite video on youtube, "dog ate dan's new heart."


thursday september 4

today i went to the gladstone library to pick up a book that i'd put on hold. when i walked up to the checkout counter, a pile of comic-book literature (not exactly comic books, but books about comics) sat in the scanning area. after glancing around to see if anyone was about to come check them out, i moved them to one side in order to quickly check out my book. however, when it got to the point where the scanner automatically recognizes your books, one about marvel comics was added to my list of checkouts -- i guess because it was still sitting too close to the scanning area.

without any sort of "back" or "cancel" option, and with no librarian around to help (the only one at the counter seemed deeply engrossed with someone else), i considered my options. ultimately, i decided that the pile of books i'd moved aside was probably meant to be returned, and had just been put in the wrong spot, so there'd be no harm if i took the marvel comics book and dumped it into the actual return slot.

still, while i was happy with this solution, i sort of hope the book pile was meant to be checked out by someone who returned to the counter 20 seconds later and for the life of him couldn't figure out where his book about marvel comics had gone.


wednesday september 3

today i was searching for an old message on facebook and inadvertently fell into a bit of a sinkhole of nostalgia. i ended up spending about 45 minutes looking back through facebook conversations from years ago (2006-08) with people i didn't remember until seeing their names again today -- there were some i still don't remember, in fact. fair warning: we may be friends now, but there's a chance i'll have entirely forgotten you by 2020.

anyway, my most incredible discovery stemmed from a conversation i found from january 2008, in which i exchanged messages with a girl who'd had an art opening at london's alex p. keaton. at this opening, we'd had an awkward and confusing encounter which ended with her telling me "fuck you" a few times, as documented here. our messages after the fact seemed nice enough though, with her apologizing, me telling her i liked her art, and her promising that i should see it in the light of day sometime and that it'd be a "friendlier encounter" the next we met.

because her facebook account was no longer active, i couldn't identify who this person was, but because i was curious, i did a real internet deep-dive using the wayback machine to find the apk's event listings for january 8, 2008, and discovered that the person whose art i praised and who promised me a friendly encounter one day is the same person who i picked last month (thinking i'd never met her before) to do my first tattoo.

tuesday september 2

today i joined instagram and immediately felt pressure to go out and do things with my life that would actually be worth documenting, since i don't think anyone wants to see photos of my madden 2015 team (even though it's very good).

monday september 1

today i used two phones for the entire day since i wanted to play around with my new iphone and figure out how to use it, but my phone number had yet to transfer over from my old blackberry. it was like being forced to drive your old, run-down car while a fast new car sits in your driveway. sorry for not making that analogy more specific, i'm not really a car guy.

sunday august 31

today i ran into the guy moving into the apartment above me, just as he and his friends were finishing moving his stuff into his place and were looking for someplace in the area to get food. when he asked me for recommendations, i first mentioned the emerson and whippoorwill, but he clarified that he was looking for something quick. "oh, well, there's a few places right around the corner. ali baba's, for one," i said, secretly pretty excited that i got a chance to talk about one of my favourite places but trying to be cool about it.


saturday august 30

today i was walking past coffee time at around 2:00 am when i overheard someone expressing incredulity that his friends had elected to go into the coffee shop to use the urinal when they could’ve just used the nearby alley. the one friend that had come with him enthusiastically agreed as they started peeing.

friday august 29

today i tried doritos roulette for the first time and the first two chips i took out of the bag were both the "one-in-seven" hot ones. if it were real roulette i would've been killed twice over.

thursday august 28

today i had trouble for several minutes holding any sort of real conversation with a friend at a bar because another friend standing two feet away was intricately describing details of 50 shades of grey and it was nearly impossible not to listen and laugh.


wednesday august 27

today i realized for the first time that the line in ll cool j’s "headsprung" that i thought went "timbaland laid his love on the track" is actually “timbaland, ladies love on the track.” in retrospect, this is pretty obvious from a guy known as ladies love cool james. still, i feel like my version (in which timbaland is laying down a beat he feels very attached to) makes more sense than anyone referring to himself in the third person as "ladies love," as if that’s the sort of name that can be shortened.

tuesday august 26

today i attempted to do a between-the-legs trick shot when i was up five games to one on my dad in our tennis match. i immediately felt like a jerk for even trying it, but i still think it would have been pretty cool if it had worked.

monday august 25

today i watched the entire emmys with my mom even though the only categories for which she had any real opinions on who should win were the reality tv ones.

sunday august 24

today i was finishing up djing what felt like a very successful rap/r&b night and decided at 2:40am to just let a friend play haim’s "the wire" as the last song while i went to the bathroom because whatever. when i came back, the bar’s owner was at my computer, playing around with the features in virtual dj -- trying things like the “put your hands up in the air” drop and creating random loops of parts of the song that made it sound like a skipping record. it sounded terrible and prompted everyone still on the dance floor to send confused looks in my direction. it’s his bar and he can do what he wants, especially if it encourages people to go home at that hour, but i was still a little concerned that the last thing people would remember of an otherwise super-fun night was being irritated by two-second haim loops. so hopefully everyone was blackout drunk by then.