tuesday february 27

today i drove across the city and back and arrived home right at the moment when the car's digital gas display read "1 mile until empty."

monday february 26

today i received an e-mail from a friend in cancun, which read, in part: "the other night we chilled with fat joe, lloyd banks, g unit djs in their escalades eating tacos."

sunday february 25

today i hoped to express either outrage or relief at the announcement of the best picture at the academy awards. as midnight (and the show's three and a half hour mark) approaches, however, with no signs of that category coming up in the near future, this goal will go sadly unrealized today.

saturday february 24

today i drove past a methodist baptist church whose outdoor sign read: "body piercings saved my life." it took me seven blocks to get it.

friday february 23

today i stood outside gt's while a friend and an emotionally invested bouncer argued over the merits of the bar.

thursday february 22

today i heard "i think i need a new heart" by the magnetic fields in a television advertisement for dog food.

wednesday february 21

today i set my alarm for 2:00 am, then pushed it back six times before eventually waking up five hours later.

100th day anniversary!!

tuesday february 20

today i finalized plans to see the love of my life (shout out out out out) not just once but twice in the first week of march. twice. two times.

monday february 19

today i dreamt that i was being chased down a city street by an array of wild animals, ranging (not alphabetically but in order from least to most terrifying) aardvarks to bears.

sunday february 18

today i chanted "cunt" in unison with a theatre full of people.

saturday february 17

today i was walking along richmond street at 8:30 am when i was stopped by a woman who really really wanted me to read her magazine that explained what the bible had to offer.

friday february 16

today i met people who had never heard of "dick in a box."

thursday february 15

today i came approximately five feet from walking directly into the path of a speeding police car with its sirens on.

wednesday february 14

today i was asked by a random middle-aged woman in a variety store if i would be her valentine.

tuesday february 13

today i discovered through youtube the only kid actor i've ever seen that rivaled michael cera in bringing consistent and incredible lols.

monday february 12

today i watched a minute-and-a-half scene from an episode of the larry sanders show four times in a row in order to fully recognize and appreciate jeffrey tambor's impeccable timing and delivery.

sunday february 11

today i purchased four cds from a guy working a booth at the centennial hall record show. the prices of these albums were as follows: $5, $5, $9, $10 (no taxes!!). after looking over the price tags twice, he appeared to write something down, as if adding up the total on paper. then he said: "that'll be 34 dollars."

saturday february 10

today i signed a legal document which stated that i wouldn't sue my mother.

friday february 9

today i was passing through my kitchen when i saw a newspaper article with the headline "canadians injured by gunfire in mexico" aligned, in the paper, directly beside an advertisement for movies on rogers digital cable. this advertisement featured a picture of governor arnold schwarzenegger as the terminator, ready to fire. the juxtaposition of this article beside this image made it appear that terminator was hiding out in mexico and was responsible for injuring canadians with his gunfire!!

thursday february 8

today i prepared to leave for school, with my coat on, my books in hand, and even my gloves on!! when i got to the door of my house to leave, however, i said aloud, "don't really wanna go," turned around, took off my gloves and coat, and stayed home.

WHOA COMMA ATTACK!!

wednesday february 7

today i today i today i experienced a bit of a breakdown, not the good kind like with instruments but more like mental. it's okay though it's okay!! i'm just taking a communication vacation!!

today i also listened to the new maximo park single for the 72nd time in 72 hours since downloading it (unrelated to breakdown). or maybe not quite such pretty numbers but close enough probably!

two things i did today, i'll show you shark-jumping, assholes!!

tuesday february 6

today i skipped a day.

monday february 5

today i opened a valentine's day card from my grandmother which was not only handmade but also had a $20 bill inside! for getting it in early, putting in some extra effort and some extra moneys, she will be my one and only 2007 valentine, sorry ladies!!

sunday february 4

today i saw my mother's bookstore on the news. it had something of a dent in its front from when an out-of-control car ran into it (after taking out a hydro pole and a stop sign!!).

saturday february 3

today i ate four small gingerbread boys and experienced vague pangs of guilt that i'd never felt while eating gingerbread men.

friday february 2

today i talked to a guy about the importance of thoroughly washing one's hands, after he made me wait forever while he did exactly this in the one-sink bathroom of the alex p. keaton.

thursday february 1

today i slept for a little while on an outdoor couch in minus-seven degree weather before moving to the indoor variety.

wednesday january 31

today i watched olympia, a documentary about the 1936 olympics, in a film class. at one point, during a sequence of highlights detailing the 10,000-meter race, three runners from finland overcame the japanese frontrunner, consecutively. one after another. as the japanese runner fell further and further back of these three, i experienced a tremendous urge to yell out "FINNISH HIM!"