sunday august 30

today i talked to my uncle for the first time in months. rather than catch up, however, i e-mailed him to ask if he wanted to swap spots in our upcoming family fantasy football draft.

saturday august 29

today i was watching tv at home with a friend when we decided, as i had yesterday, to order food. with her craving thai and my being very agreeable, we ended up calling and ordering the same place as i had just one day earlier. after getting my phone number from me yesterday, the restaurant now had it in their database, and for the entirety of the phone call i was irrationally paranoid that their records also showed that i'd ordered from there two days in a row after never ordering from there before. would they think i was going to order from there EVERY day now? were they chuckling behind my back about my lack of dinner-order creativity? all of these thoughts crossed my mind throughout the call, though the girl taking my order (who sounded very much like the girl who'd taken my order yesterday) gave no indication of judgment.

friday august 28

today i was hanging out with a friend and we decided to order thai food. we decided on a restaurant, browsed their online menu, and picked out what we wanted to order. when i called the restaurant to place the order, i let it ring approximately 13 times, to no avail. i called again; again, no answer. getting worried now that i'd have to go through the entire process of agreeing on another restaurant, finding their menu, and picking out a new order, i tried one more time to call this thai place. they answered on the second ring as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

thursday august 27

today i had a dream in which i was registering for classes and the first class i chose to take was one which was entirely dedicated to studying season 5 of the wire.

wednesday august 26

today i stopped by dollarama while i was in the dufferin mall, to grab some envelopes. although i found the envelopes with little trouble, the buying process became a bit confusing while i was in line. the cashier seemed to have a system in place where she rang through multiple people simultaneously, and told me my total despite the fact that there were still two people in front of me in line. despite my place further back in line, when i was hesitant with pulling out my money, she repeated the total irritably as if i was holding up the whole process.

tuesday august 25

today i was approaching my house when i saw two kids skateboarding in front of the house next door. one of the kids was attempting to grind along the ledge between the sidewalk and the yard while the other one ran alongside him with a tiny video camera, filming his feet. when the skateboarder lost his balance and couldn't complete the grind, they both seemed disappointed, but were gearing up to try it again by the time i went inside my house.

monday august 24

today i went to canada's wonderland with a friend. at one point, we rode shockwave, a 'thrill ride' whose five-person cars are tricky to get out of at the end of the ride -- the weight shift of everyone leaving sends the car leaning back and makes it difficult for the last person to exit without either leaping out or banging their crotch on the seat. having waited in line for a while and observing this happen to multiple people, we were prepared, and immediately jumped out of the ride as soon as the restraints were lifted. as soon as we did this, we heard a girl (approximately eight years old) further down our car make a guttural noise and exclaim "OHMYGOD!" as her attempt to jump out of the car was foiled by the weight shift throwing it backwards. oops.

sunday august 23

today i went downstairs at 9:45 pm, intending to wash all the dishes in our kitchen before watching mad men at 10:00. however, once i started the process, i realized that both clocks in our kitchen had been reset due to a power outage earlier in the day. not wanting to stop washing, dry my hands, reach into my pocket for my cell phone, check the time, and then go back to washing dishes (if i saw i still had a few minutes to spare), i decided to just guesstimate when 10:00 would roll around and call it quits at that point. i ended up stopping at 9:57, which i felt pretty pleased about.

saturday august 22

today i attended a mad men themed party and, lacking in the appropriate wardrobe myself, was given a blazer and khakis to wear upon arriving. the blazer, in particular, was a size or two too big, and made me feel a little like i was a 10 year old trying to wear my dad's clothes.

friday august 21

today i ordered pizza delivery. when the delivery guy arrived at my house, there was an old italian woman standing just behind him, to the side of our porch. as i tried to take in my food and give him his money, she attempted to pepper me with questions that were either in italian or in such a thick italian accent that i could only make out about 10% of her words. she kept gesturing toward the house next door and asking where "five" was. this line of questioning distracted me from paying the delivery guy for a little while, and when i finally did, he made a beeline to get away from the awkward situation. meanwhile, i kept remorsefully saying "i'm not sure!" and "i dunno!" to the italian woman as i slowly closed my door on her.

thursday august 20

today i went with my roommate to the restaurant 'grace' to try their thursday bbq+beer $10 special. we drove to a nearby street and got out of the car to make the two-minute walk to the restaurant, and immediately were greeted with a torrential downpour, part of maybe the worst storm to hit the city this year. after attempting to wait it out in the car for about 10-15 minutes, we eventually decided to make a dash for it. this involved getting soaked from head to toe (despite having umbrellas), witnessing a streetcar appear to get hit by lightning about 40 feet from us, then being turned away at the restaurant because (of course) they couldn't possibly barbecue in these conditions. it was a demoralizing evening all around.

wednesday august 19

today i had a dream in which i could routinely converse with animals. in the dream, i was living with three dogs who would frequently fight with one another; so much so that the first request i got from one dehydrated dog was to watch his back so that he didn't get jumped while he drank some water.

tuesday august 18

today i drank three beers in class.

monday august 17

today i sat in my non-air conditioned bedroom and complained about the heat on msn to my roommate, who complained, from work, that her air-conditioned office was too cold. the world is so unfair!!

sunday august 16

today i was trying to get to sleep in my unfathomably hot bedroom. i was shifting in bed and readjusting my pillow when i felt something unexpected underneath the pillow. i flipped on my light and realized that it was, in fact, a pair of girls' underwear.

saturday august 15

today i went swimming at 3:00 am in a community pool with approximately 100 other people.

friday august 14

today i went to sweaty betty's. the bar was participating in the ossington street blackout anniversary party, which meant that it was lit only by candlelight. this was particularly noticeable in the bathroom, where my usual routine was thrown off a little by the fact that i could barely see anything.

thursday august 13

today i saw a billboard advertisement that read: "COORS LIGHT IS ICE COLD. UPDATED 8 SECONDS AGO." facebook jokes. great.

wednesday august 12

today i was sitting on the subway going home, when it stopped at keele station. the doors opened and a woman that had been waiting on the platform darted into the car, grabbed a copy of the free subway "metro" newspaper that was sitting on the seat in front of me, and quickly ran off the car before the doors closed again. the sight was sort of surreal, and raised many questions: how long had she been waiting for a subway to come? if there hadn't been a copy of the paper lying in sight, what would she have done? why did she need to read it so badly anyway?

tuesday august 11

today i went to the beer store with my roommate to return our empty bottles and cans. the excursion turned into an ordeal which included multiple trips from our house to the car and then the car to the store. we held up lines, sorted bottles wrong, and brought a swarm of fruit flies with us from our house to the beer store. ultimately though, the $27.90 made the embarrassment worth it.

monday august 10

today i went to post a one thing i did today entry for sunday and remembered that i'd already updated with my special 1000th post for that day. though usually not having to put in that extra effort is a good thing, in this case i was sort of disappointed. it meant not being able to share the awkward story of the dirty version of akon's "i wanna fuck you" playing in the restaurant where my mother and i went out for dinner.

sunday august 9

today i celebrated my 1000th day of one thing i did today entries with a super-sized version of "another thing i did on these days." thanks for reading.

thursday may 14
today i went to soundscapes to buy a few tickets for shows. one of the shows was a band called au revoir simone. for some reason, i'd had immense trouble pronouncing this name. it was so difficult that i'd practiced a few times out loud before going to the store, in hopes that i'd be better prepared and not be totally tongue-tied when i requested tickets. when i finally got to soundscapes and pronounced the band name, i stumbled over it so badly that on my way out of the store, i double-checked my tickets just to make sure that the guy working there had heard what i was trying to say and given me the right ones.

friday may 22
today i was getting ready to head home after my last class of the week when a girl in our class stood up and asked to make an announcement. she revealed to the class that she was leaving our program, having received a full-time job offer elsewhere. she then began talking about how much she'd miss us, and how successful she knew we'd all be, and started to cry. as she struggled to gain her composure, our class waited awkwardly, with a couple students close to her offering pats of sympathy, or "awww"s. when she eventually finished her speech, the class let out for good, and i immediately put on my headphones and took off, realizing as i passed through the door that everyone else in the class was stopping and saying goodbye and good luck to her on their way out. while this made me look and feel like a gigantic jerk, this only bothered me for a minute or two before i got over it.

saturday may 23
today i went to the nearby cibc to withdraw some money. the outdoor atm was out of order, so a lineup had formed at the indoor one. while we waited, a woman behind me in line asked if anyone was parked on the street right outside: their car was being ticketed. the guy in front of me gasped and ran outside to tend to his car. while he was trying to get out of a ticket, the person using the atm finished; i was next in line. not wanting to cut ahead of the guy outside, but also not wanting to leave the atm empty while plenty of people waited, i quickly moved up and began to withdraw my money. about 10 seconds later, the guy came in and announced that the parking attendant had agreed to give him not a ticket for the next minute or two, but that he had to be quick. feeling horribly guilty now, i plowed through the rest of my withdrawal process, pushing the appropriate buttons faster than i ever had before, allowing him to use the atm as soon as possible. happy ending: he avoided the ticket.

tuesday may 26
today i saw a license plate that read: "o my dog."

friday may 29
today i was in my effective speaking class when the instructor introduced an exercise: we were to pull a random object out of our pocket or bag and assign that object a unique 'voice,' speaking as if we were that object. with very few people in front of me, i had little time to think about what sort of voice i could assign to the various objects in my pockets or wallet. i pulled out a rewards card from taco del mar and thought: "okay, i'll just do a mexican accent. no big deal." i have never spoken in a fake mexican accent before, but i was under pressure and had to say something. when i got up and began to speak, i realized almost immediately that what was coming out of my mouth was not, in fact, a mexican accent, but rather an indian one. unable to change accents in mid-performance, and surrounded by awkward laughter, i plowed ahead, wondering the entire time if i was being borderline offensive, or if the class assumed that i thought tacos were an indian food.

monday june 8
today i casually referred to someone as "a good facebooker" without further explaining the phrase. i wasn't called out on it.

tuesday june 9
today i made my first book-borrowing trip to a toronto public library. when i arrived, i went to enter the building, only to be foiled by a locked front door. confused, i looked over at the library's hours, posted on the side of the building, and discovered that it didn't open until 12:30 pm on tuesdays -- it was slightly before noon at the time. i hadn't expected toronto's libraries to have to work very hard to eclipse my opinion of the london public library system, but this was an ominous beginning.

monday june 22
today i had a friend in toronto who i was supposed to meet up with. she insisted i meet her as soon as possible, so i made sure to get all the errands i needed to get done finished quickly and met her earlier than i expected. even just before i left to meet her, she was still insisting i come as fast as possible, so we could have more time to hang out. when i finally met up with her, she was in a walk-in clinic, where i subsequently waited 15 minutes for her to get in to see a doctor and then another half-hour in the waiting room by myself after that. what was the rush?!?!

saturday june 27
today i was watching an episode of keys to the vip, featuring one contestant who kept bragging that he owned a bar. a few minutes into the show, after seeing shots of him at this bar, and hearing girls give out phone numbers that began with toronto area code 416, i realized that the bar he owned was the beaconsfield, one that i'd frequented multiple times. it made me lose a little of my fondness for the place to see that this was the guy who was profiting from my buying beers there.

saturday july 11
today i received text messages from three different people within the span of 12 seconds. it was one of the more exciting moments i've ever had with my cell phone.

thursday july 16
today i was sitting on the subway while it stopped on jane station. as it was pulling away after letting passengers on, another woman made her way down the stairs of the station, having just missed the train. as the train passed her by, she appeared to be talking to herself. simultaneously, a smudge on my window passed across her lips, creating the illusion that she'd been cursing the fact that she'd missed the subway and that the smudge was acting as one of those television blurs that censors inappropriate language.

friday july 17
today i was crossing the border to go to chicago for the pitchfork music festival. when the border guard asked what the purpose of my trip was and i replied "a music festival," he seemed to roll his eyes and grunt in disgust, which begged the question: did he hate music festivals, the kind of dirty hippies who'd attend music festivals, or maybe just music itself?

tuesday july 28
today i went to shopper's drug mart to buy a small pair of scissors for trimming facial hair and so on. the only place i could find any, however, were in the women's cosmetics section. embarrassingly, the most ideal-looking pair came packaged with some sort of eyebrow brush. hoping i could find something more manly, i asked an employee if there was anything "better" than this eyebrow-brush/scissors package, when what i actually meant was if there was anything less girly. there wasn't.

saturday august 1
today i finished off a bag of tostitos so thoroughly that by the last few crumbs, i was getting more salsa on my fingers, when i dipped, than on the chips themselves.

friday august 7
today i operated and then read from a tv teleprompter for the first time in my life.

saturday august 8

today i experienced a very strong craving for chicken wings while on my way home from the bar. i stopped at the 24-hour metro near my house and headed to the frozen wings section. browsing through the options, however, i couldn't find any with microwave instructions on them -- i was hungry NOW and didn't want to have to wait 40 minutes for them to cook in the oven. ultimately, i bought some and decided that they could probably be easily microwaved in the same way that others i'd bought before were. this proved...wrong. i microwaved them and i ate them, but it was not at all the wonderful experience i was hoping for.

friday august 7

today i went to shopper's drug mart to buy a new bottle of body wash. perturbed to see that the brand i'd bought last time was no longer stocked, i perused the shelves for another potential winner. curiously, when i came across the axe products, i was turned off of them entirely because of their advertisements, which of course depict its male users immediately becoming irresistible to women. my logic was twofold: the first concern was that potential prospects would recognize the axe scent, sniff out my motives, and shoot me down out of principle. the second concern was that if it did happen to work out like in the commercials, i'd feel like i wouldn't be able to take any of the credit for the victory myself.

thursday august 6

today i ate at a nearby vietnamese restaurant. when i got my meal, i realized that i only had chopsticks and no fork. despite my usual reluctance to eat with chopsticks, i decided to give it a try this time. this experiment, however, was short-lived, when i immediately picked up the chopsticks upside down and attempted to eat my food with the wrong end.

wednesday august 5

today i was required to deliver a thank-you speech to our class's guest speaker troy mccallum. after wrestling with what exactly i was supposed to say in such a speech, and how i could possibly make it longer than just a few sentences, i eventually elected to just keep it simple. my speech ended up being three sentences, beginning with one in which i thanked him for his time and ending with one in which i reiterated the thanks.

tuesday august 4

today i delivered a little mini-speech in class about my experience at the pitchfork festival in chicago last month. at the end of my spiel, a classmate asked what the best band i'd seen over the course of the weekend was. my first thought was to tell the truth and say that i'd really loved the japandroids' set. this thought, however, was immediately erased by the concern that no one would have heard of japandroids, and that i'd look like a pretentious jerk. thinking fast, i decided to tell the class instead about the flaming lips, a more well known band. the only problem was that the flaming lips' set was perhaps my least favourite at the festival, and i didn't want to do wayne coyne and company the favour of saying that i actually enjoyed them. this led to my answering the question about my favourite band of the weekend by disjointedly replying: "the flaming lips.... put on.... an interesting show."

monday august 3

today i went to the greyhound station in london to take the bus back to toronto. while i was buying my ticket, a guy at a pay phone about ten feet from the ticket counter was yelling into the phone, creating a pretty significant distraction. at one point, the guy at the pay phone screamed "that sick fuck molested me while i was sleeping and you think he's a good friend!" just as the ticket agent was asking to see my student card. i had to ask him to repeat the question.

sunday august 2

today i went to call the office in london. all told, i spent about an hour there. this time was split into approximately 15 minutes waiting in line, 35 minutes looking for friends, and 10 minutes hanging out with friends.

saturday august 1

today i spent nearly an hour waiting for two different city buses in downtown london, because i'd forgotten the schedule of each route. considering i'd been taking these buses since i was about 12 years old, this isn't something i thought would ever happen, and wasn't sure if i should feel disappointed in my ineffective memory or happy that london transit schedules weren't taking up as much space in my memory as they once did.

friday july 31

today i took the subway from my place to the end of the line, at kipling station. for the entirety of the ride, which was longer than usual because of a couple delays, a couple sitting across from me was engaging in some of the most heavy pda i've ever witnessed. this wasn't just a couple kisses, but full-blown making out, neck kissing, near-straddling, etc. i tried to distract myself from the scene by holding a constant conversation with my roommate, but i ended up frequently glancing over at them just to make sure they weren't having sex.