wednesday january 30

today i was taking the bus to campus for a noon-hour class. when the bus stopped at my old high school, two pairs of young couples boarded the bus and proceeded to ride the duration of their trip with arms around one another and lips locked. the extremely public displays of affection made me very much want to call out, "did i board bang bus by accident???" but i ultimately couldn't bring myself to do it.

tuesday january 29

today i listened to my parents discuss the health issues that our dog, jessie is having. she had been diagnosed with anemia, which my mother misidentified as amnesia, leading to my wondering what a dog with amnesia would be like. would it be the type of amnesia where she remembers nothing, not even her own name? or would it be the kind of thing that the guy in memento had, where she can't remember what she did five minutes ago. like, if she just came inside after relieving herself outside, would she be back at the door five minutes later, wanting to go back out? would she have one nap after the other, unaware that she just woke up from one? because jessie seems to do all of these things anyway.

monday january 28

today i had an appointment with my periodontist to get the stitches in my mouth taken out. in my head, i'd built this up as the moment when my mouth would become 'healed,' following my surgery a week and a half ago. it would be as good as new, and i'd be able to eat anything and brush anywhere. in actuality, he snipped the stitches out in approximately two minutes, then told me to keep not brushing down there, and to come back in two weeks. i'm still not sure about what i can eat......

sunday january 27

today i slept on a friend's couch, and awoke to find, sitting on the table beside me, the remnants of the poutine i'd eaten the night before. the gravy dried and the two leftover fries sickly-looking, it was one of the most disgusting sights i've ever awoken to.

saturday january 26

today i represented chrw at western's basketball doubleheader for the first time, as a 'sideline reporter' of sorts, conducting interviews. my resumé for the day included an interview in which one player misheard my asking about adjustments as "a justice," an interview in which i asked a question so obvious that the player confusedly laughed as she answered it, and an interview that didn't happen because the coach was not in the mood. all in all, a rocky start.

friday january 25

today i ordered a dessert called a bananaconda. while i understand where the banana part of the name came from, i'm still unclear about the second half, as the dessert was not snake-shaped, nor did it regurgitate jon voight.

thursday january 24

today i was chewing a piece of gum when i shifted it from one side of my mouth to the other and got it caught in one of the stitches in the top of my mouth. after a brief moment of panic where i probably appeared to any onlookers to be swallowing my own tongue, i was able to free the gum from the stitches, thereby avoiding all of the potential removal procedures i'd momentarily envisioned.

wednesday january 23

today i got off my bus at my usual transfer spot, at oxford and wharncliffe. i went to cross the road to the side of the street where my bus stop was, and was surprised to see all of the other people who had gotten of my bus heading in the other direction; usually most people go to the same stop i do. i crossed the road, and found that i was the only person waiting at the stop. then i looked at the stop itself. it had a sign over it which read: "not in use; use stop on south side of oxford/wharncliffe." i looked south, back across the street, and saw all the people who had gotten off my bus standing over there, at a newly installed bus stop. it was a long and embarrassing walk back across the street.

tuesday january 22

today i left for my bus five minutes early, in an attempt to compensate after missing it last week. instead of missing it by five minutes this time, i was across the street when it pulled away, leaving me to catch another bus and to eventually arrive at class over 80 minutes after departing from my house.

monday january 21

today i was eating corn for dinner when i became convinced that i had a kernel stuck in the front of my mouth, at the bottom, where my surgery was still healing. unable to get at it with my tongue to fish it out for fear of aggravating the stitches, i hurried to the bathroom to look in the mirror. unable to pull my lip back for fear of aggravating the stitches, i struggled valiantly to lean into the right position to view the bottom of my mouth, where i eventually found no stray corn kernels.

sunday january 20

today i spent a good chunk of my evening engaged in a competition with a friend to see who could make funnier lolcats captions.

saturday january 19

today i was halfheartedly browsing through the program listings on my television when i came across a show called 'ultimate super herpes' which made me do a double take. before i had enough time to ponder how a show could spend a half-hour on such a subject, i realized that the listing, in fact, said 'ultimate super heroes.'

friday january 18

today i ate a slice of pizza with a knife and fork, cutting it into pieces so small that it took nearly ten minutes to eat it.

thursday january 17

today i underwent gingival augmentation surgery. while i experienced some soreness and discomfort in my mouth for the remainder of the day, the most painful moment occurred when i took off the piece of cotton taped down with some sort of super-tape to my left hand. i don't think there are any hairs left on the back of the hand.

wednesday january 16

today i stayed awake much later than usual in order to postpone my wake-up time tomorrow by a few hours, to prepare for my 2:00pm surgery. unable to eat or drink for the six hours preceding the procedure, i felt that the best way to deal with this period of abstinence would be to sleep through it.

tuesday january 15

today i repeatedly urged people to touch my hands to see how soft they were (without using any product!).

monday january 14

today i was finally prompted to make an ongoing record of songs that i've listened to for years, loving them every time and never getting sick of them. the inspiration for this list was no "like a rolling stone" or "satisfaction", but rather jay-z's "girls, girls, girls.'

sunday january 13

today i rooted hard, for the first time ever, for a particular team in a sporting event just so that i wouldn't look like an idiot based on the prediction i'd made on the radio days earlier.

saturday january 12

today i managed to watch nearly three quarters of an nfl game on television in a house full of girls.

friday january 11

today i was walking into the beer store when i heard someone in the parking lot yelling frantically, "start the car!! i just robbed them blind!"

thursday january 10

today i awoke to the sound of my alarm clock beeping, groggily stumbled out of bed, and began to 'start my day.' after taking a couple minutes to officially 'wake up' it occurred to me that i had no reason to be awake so early, and the alarm that i had so routinely obeyed was meant for the day before, and i'd just forgot to reset it.

wednesday january 9

today i was approached by a girl at the alex p. keaton who suggested that i looked familiar and that she had given me a ride home once before. while i had no recollection of such an event, i attempted to go along with it as best i could, which, combined with the tendency of interior alex p's to drown out 40% of everything you say, made for a very confusing and awkward conversation. it went so badly that at multiple points later on in the night, well after the conversation had, in fact, ended, she said "fuck you, luke" as she passed by me.

tuesday january 8

today i returned to class for the first time since early december. at one point, while taking notes, i wrote a word i wasn't quite sure how to spell, and, having grown accustomed to only making words while typing on the internet, i instinctively expected firefox's spell check to kick in and a solid red line to appear under the word as soon as i finished writing it.

monday january 7

today i woke up with a sore neck.

sunday january 6

today i slept on my new pillow for the first time. it was given to me by my mother as a gift a day earlier, since she apparently felt that my old pillow's gradual transformation from white to yellow was unhealthy. i am very particular about my pillows and my old pillow was perfect in its thinness. this new pillow is a fattie. while wrapping my pillowcase around it, i literally exclaimed aloud, "what a load," despite the fact that no one else was around. while i'm not entirely pleased with its size, the pillow didn't leave my neck sore after one night, so i'm willing to give it a fair chance.

saturday january 5

today i was walking to the alex p. keaton with some friends, playfully throwing snowballs at one another on the way there. towards the end of the walk, an elderly woman walking her dog, standing on the opposite sidewalk, took exception to an errant throw that landed approximately 25 feet from her. "you stupid asshole!" she yelled. "you must reaaaaaally be an asshole!" unimpressed with her sour demeanor, we threw the next snowball in her direction intentionally.

friday january 4

today i was home by myself for most of the day. the phone rang a few times and, with the benefit of call display, i was able to determine that it was never for me, and let it go to the answering machine each time. when i finally got around to checking these messages, at approximately 3:00 pm, there was one from the veterinarian's office, saying that they had to do emergency surgery that afternoon, and asking if we could move jessie the dog's appointment up from 4:00 to 2:40. having acted too late to make this change, i decided that the best move would be to not call back and then not tell my dad and brother about the message, when they took jessie to the 4:00 appointment. luckily, the appointment went without a hitch, as planned, and my guilt was alleviated!

thursday january 3

today i visited local pub 'the oxford arms' for the first time, and was so charmed by the genuine british accent of our server that i tipped her a dollar more than i otherwise would have.

wednesday january 2

today i woke up at 3:45 am, having already slept for nearly nine hours. while i wasn't tired when i awoke, an hour of aimless internet surfing and a distinct lack of people to talk to on msn left me feeling tired again by 5:00 am, prompting me to sleep nearly five more hours. the 13 and a half hours of sleep i got on the night as a whole represented the most i've had a single night since probably early high school. i love winter break!!

tuesday january 1

today i dreamed that i was watching golf on television, something so boring that i never actually do it while i'm awake, marking the second time in the last month that i've had a dream about being really bored by watching sports.

monday december 31

today i decided with 95% certainty in the afternoon that i would be staying in for new year's, then ended up going out until 5:00 am.