wednesday march 19

today i saw the 1971 film klute for the first time and fell in love a little with jane fonda's character, then later read an article that made me somberly realize why (as if i didn't already know).

tuesday march 18

today i was moving up a little closer to the stage at a tokyo police club show, minutes before they started playing, when an uppity trick tapped me on the shoulder and informed me that i couldn't stand where i was. "oh how come?" i asked amicably, to which she replied that that was her space, so i ought to either keep moving up or move back to where i came from. in retrospect, i wish i'd responded with a retort like "yo personal space just got isself a new tenant, girl," but in actuality i smiled and nodded, turned back around, and continued to stand there.

monday march 17

today i had a remarkably vivid dream in which patches of my hair began to fall out. i was able to push the remaining hair entirely to one side of my head and gain an eye-opening perspective on what i'd look like were i totally bald. i never want to be bald.

sunday march 16

today i went out for dinner with my grandparents, for my grandfather's 86th birthday. we went to a nice restaurant and i ordered a rack of lamb. after pouring some mint sauce on the lamb, i went to close the bottle back up and twisted the cap a little too tightly, cracking it. "oops," i muttered, "i just broke that!" the sauce was then passed down to my grandfather at the other end of the table, who hadn't witnessed or overheard anything just happened and promptly proceeded to give the sauce a shake. due to the crack in the cap, it wasn't sealed properly and mint sauce went everywhere, mainly all over my mother, sitting next to him.

saturday march 15

today i fought through a ridiculous crowd at stobie's with a couple of friends at approximately 2:30 am. we ended up coming out of it with an entire pizza (and then some!), leading to a walk down richmond row with a pizza box that drew an unprecedented amount of attention, vaguely reminiscent of that one arby's ad.

friday march 14

today i took the bus to meet a friend at the mall. not needing anything for school, i didn't bring a backpack, and the weather being six degrees, i eschewed my coat as well. this left me feeling so odd and under-equipped that i eventually decided to bring a novel to start reading on the bus and to carry around for the whole afternoon, just so i didn't feel so naked.

thursday march 13

today i was taking the bus home at approximately 8:00 pm when a girl woozily rang the bell to get off. she stumbled out the door and appeared to dry heave, or possibly vomit (i couldn't see!) on the sidewalk for 15 seconds before getting back on the bus, making sure the entire time not to take off her sunglasses.

wednesday march 12

today i decided, as i began to watch the raptors game on tv, that i needed a snack. i quickly narrowed down my choices to two options: a leftover salad from dinner or a bag of chips. feeling like i needed to be making healthy eating options, i went for the salad, then promptly finished it within 10 minutes and ate the bag of chips as well.

tuesday march 11

today i was walking through campus on my way to class when i noticed that i felt unusually cool and attractive, significantly more so than normal. following the two-hour class, the sensation had subsided, and it left me wishing that i hadn't gone to class as early as i did, but rather walked around aimlessly for a few extra minutes while the feeling lasted.

monday march 10

today i watched approximately 10 minutes of an episode of friday night lights (all the nighttime scenes) on my computer with my arm tactically positioned above my head, in order to block out the sunlight that my window's fake curtains (specifically shaped pieces of cardboard) weren't entirely successful in keeping out.

sunday march 9

today i drove past the masonville area and, while passing home sense, noticed that their large neon sign out front was advertising a "blowjob fair."

saturday march 8

today i was eating dinner with my family when the subject of spam e-mails came up. my mother bemoaned the fact that she got practically "15 a day" about penis enlargement, to which my dad responded that he never gets any of those. "maybe i should send some of them to you!" my mother threatened. her intention was merely to suggest that he ought to get junk mail to see how he likes it, but, given the specific topic of the spam she'd mentioned, that wasn't how it came off.

friday march 7

today i woke up at 8:00 am and got tired by 11:00 pm on a day when i had virtually no obligations or appointments. fearing that my body was attempting to forcibly alter the sleeping habits i've become so accustomed to, i resolutely decided to stay awake past 11:00 to resist this change. sadly, i only made it to 11:30. i am 70 years old.

thusday march 6

today i got off the bus at my transfer point and noticed i still had 20 minutes to wait for the bus that would take me home, so i decided to stop in at wendy's to use the bathroom. i took position at a urinal and began doing my business when i suddenly became aware of an old man sitting in the stall behind me doing a number two with the door wide open. "i left the door open because..." he started, before mumbling a slew of indecipherable words, prompting me to mumble "no problem," rush my pee, and hurriedly wash my hands without ever looking back. i have never wanted to leave a bathroom so badly.

wednesday march 5

today i woke up after crashing on a couch downtown and went outside to my car to drive home. the scene outside represented something of a winter wonderland from hell, and my car was caked with about a foot of snow, on top of a layer of ice. it took as long to brush and scrape the car to get it into driving shape as it usually does to drive home.

tuesday march 4

today i had a major essay was due at the start of a class, and chuckled when multiple students came in only to drop the essay off and then immediately left, including one who told the prof, "i'd love to stay... but i have to sleep." five minutes into the class's lecture, i was wishing i'd done the same.

monday march 3

today i cited joseph conrad's the nigger of 'narcissus' in an essay in which i also discussed conrad's heart of darkness. unable to just cite the text using "conrad" since i was discussing more than one of his works, i nearly used the word "nigger" to cite the former text before deciding that maybe that wasn't the best idea, and that "narcissus" would probably be a better identifying word.

sunday march 2

today i did the following things: started up an online scrabble tournament, read a very very lengthy theory that attempted to explain the mysteries of lost, and went another day without accomplishing much on an important essay due tuesday. immediately afterwards, i dreamed: that someone flooded me with scrabulous game requests, attempting to make me lose focus on the important tournament game; that 75% of the characters on lost were killed in some sort of mass extermination; nothing about my essay. i worry it really revealed where my unconscious priorities lie.

saturday march 1

today i went to a friend's house to feed her cat and was feeling pretty good about myself and the nice thing i was doing until i got there and saw that the cat's food bowl was already entirely full.

friday february 29

today i was talking to my brother when he mentioned that he wanted to buy some cords. "ahhh, the old corduroys!" i said, to which he replied: "oh is that what it's short for?" incredulous at this reaction, i decided to have some fun with it, and exclaimed: "you probably don't even know what jeans are short for!" i continued this charade for another minute or so, leaving him unsure of whether i was putting him or not. when he finally asked what jeans were short for, i answered excitedly: "so that you won't step on them while you walk!!!" it was either my best or worst joke in months.