wednesday january 30

today i was taking the bus to campus for a noon-hour class. when the bus stopped at my old high school, two pairs of young couples boarded the bus and proceeded to ride the duration of their trip with arms around one another and lips locked. the extremely public displays of affection made me very much want to call out, "did i board bang bus by accident???" but i ultimately couldn't bring myself to do it.

tuesday january 29

today i listened to my parents discuss the health issues that our dog, jessie is having. she had been diagnosed with anemia, which my mother misidentified as amnesia, leading to my wondering what a dog with amnesia would be like. would it be the type of amnesia where she remembers nothing, not even her own name? or would it be the kind of thing that the guy in memento had, where she can't remember what she did five minutes ago. like, if she just came inside after relieving herself outside, would she be back at the door five minutes later, wanting to go back out? would she have one nap after the other, unaware that she just woke up from one? because jessie seems to do all of these things anyway.

monday january 28

today i had an appointment with my periodontist to get the stitches in my mouth taken out. in my head, i'd built this up as the moment when my mouth would become 'healed,' following my surgery a week and a half ago. it would be as good as new, and i'd be able to eat anything and brush anywhere. in actuality, he snipped the stitches out in approximately two minutes, then told me to keep not brushing down there, and to come back in two weeks. i'm still not sure about what i can eat......

sunday january 27

today i slept on a friend's couch, and awoke to find, sitting on the table beside me, the remnants of the poutine i'd eaten the night before. the gravy dried and the two leftover fries sickly-looking, it was one of the most disgusting sights i've ever awoken to.

saturday january 26

today i represented chrw at western's basketball doubleheader for the first time, as a 'sideline reporter' of sorts, conducting interviews. my resumé for the day included an interview in which one player misheard my asking about adjustments as "a justice," an interview in which i asked a question so obvious that the player confusedly laughed as she answered it, and an interview that didn't happen because the coach was not in the mood. all in all, a rocky start.

friday january 25

today i ordered a dessert called a bananaconda. while i understand where the banana part of the name came from, i'm still unclear about the second half, as the dessert was not snake-shaped, nor did it regurgitate jon voight.

thursday january 24

today i was chewing a piece of gum when i shifted it from one side of my mouth to the other and got it caught in one of the stitches in the top of my mouth. after a brief moment of panic where i probably appeared to any onlookers to be swallowing my own tongue, i was able to free the gum from the stitches, thereby avoiding all of the potential removal procedures i'd momentarily envisioned.

wednesday january 23

today i got off my bus at my usual transfer spot, at oxford and wharncliffe. i went to cross the road to the side of the street where my bus stop was, and was surprised to see all of the other people who had gotten of my bus heading in the other direction; usually most people go to the same stop i do. i crossed the road, and found that i was the only person waiting at the stop. then i looked at the stop itself. it had a sign over it which read: "not in use; use stop on south side of oxford/wharncliffe." i looked south, back across the street, and saw all the people who had gotten off my bus standing over there, at a newly installed bus stop. it was a long and embarrassing walk back across the street.

tuesday january 22

today i left for my bus five minutes early, in an attempt to compensate after missing it last week. instead of missing it by five minutes this time, i was across the street when it pulled away, leaving me to catch another bus and to eventually arrive at class over 80 minutes after departing from my house.

monday january 21

today i was eating corn for dinner when i became convinced that i had a kernel stuck in the front of my mouth, at the bottom, where my surgery was still healing. unable to get at it with my tongue to fish it out for fear of aggravating the stitches, i hurried to the bathroom to look in the mirror. unable to pull my lip back for fear of aggravating the stitches, i struggled valiantly to lean into the right position to view the bottom of my mouth, where i eventually found no stray corn kernels.

sunday january 20

today i spent a good chunk of my evening engaged in a competition with a friend to see who could make funnier lolcats captions.

saturday january 19

today i was halfheartedly browsing through the program listings on my television when i came across a show called 'ultimate super herpes' which made me do a double take. before i had enough time to ponder how a show could spend a half-hour on such a subject, i realized that the listing, in fact, said 'ultimate super heroes.'

friday january 18

today i ate a slice of pizza with a knife and fork, cutting it into pieces so small that it took nearly ten minutes to eat it.

thursday january 17

today i underwent gingival augmentation surgery. while i experienced some soreness and discomfort in my mouth for the remainder of the day, the most painful moment occurred when i took off the piece of cotton taped down with some sort of super-tape to my left hand. i don't think there are any hairs left on the back of the hand.

wednesday january 16

today i stayed awake much later than usual in order to postpone my wake-up time tomorrow by a few hours, to prepare for my 2:00pm surgery. unable to eat or drink for the six hours preceding the procedure, i felt that the best way to deal with this period of abstinence would be to sleep through it.

tuesday january 15

today i repeatedly urged people to touch my hands to see how soft they were (without using any product!).

monday january 14

today i was finally prompted to make an ongoing record of songs that i've listened to for years, loving them every time and never getting sick of them. the inspiration for this list was no "like a rolling stone" or "satisfaction", but rather jay-z's "girls, girls, girls.'

sunday january 13

today i rooted hard, for the first time ever, for a particular team in a sporting event just so that i wouldn't look like an idiot based on the prediction i'd made on the radio days earlier.

saturday january 12

today i managed to watch nearly three quarters of an nfl game on television in a house full of girls.

friday january 11

today i was walking into the beer store when i heard someone in the parking lot yelling frantically, "start the car!! i just robbed them blind!"