tuesday december 30

today i was sitting in our living room at around 12:30 am, watching television with my roommate, when she received and text message and loudly gasped: "ryan gosling is at [nearby bar] sweaty betty's!!" within ten minutes, she had transformed from unkempt and uninterested in leaving the house to heading out the door. this left me alone to watch muchmoremusic's your fave videos of the 1990s feature, which i subsequently lost interest in around the time they were showing george michael's "freedom."

monday december 29

today i took the greyhound bus back to toronto from london. a girl sat down in the seat beside me just before the bus pulled out of the london terminal. as the bus was pulling away, i heard her say, hesitantly, "luke?" and experienced a feeling of horror. if one of my best friends were to sit beside me on the bus, fine, but someone who knows me so little that she has to question whether it's actually me?? that's gonna make for an awkward two hours. i began to turn towards her, then realized a split-second later that she was still talking, not to me, but into her cell phone, apparently to someone who shared my name.

sunday december 28

today i headed downtown in the evening, to meet a couple friends for drinks before going to call the office. not wanting to bring a bag, i decided to carry my two tallboys -- one in each pocket. though my coat pockets are generously sized, certainly sufficient to make this work, it created a predicament: lacking gloves, my hands were cold enough that it was uncomfortable to walk to the bus without shoving them in my pockets. when i put my hands in my pockets, however, they got even colder, due to the fact that i had to hold them against the previously refrigerated cans that were taking up most of my pocket space.

saturday december 27

today i presented a third installment of "another thing i did on these days."

monday december 15
today i went over to no frills to pick up a few groceries. i was coming out of one aisle and about to enter the next one, when suddenly there was a loud noise that sounded like something large and metallic clattering to the ground near the front of the store. "what the hellll," the employee stocking shelves at the end of the aisle mumbled. i turned towards him, aware that i was the closest customer to him, and wondering if he was talking for my benefit. when i saw that he was making eye contact with me, i chuckled and shook my head in disbelief, as if it to say "seriously!" i turned back to my next aisle, hoping to make a quick getaway, to avoid lingering. unfortunately, two grocery carts, side by side, blocked the way to the aisle, forcing me to wait an extra two or three seconds before sliding through, creating what seemed like an awkward silence with the employee, with me feeling as if i should add something to the 'conversation.'

thursday december 18
today i was doing our sports talk show on chrw for the first time in a couple months. a little rusty, we forgot to turn off the microphones during the commercial break, at which time the host immediately admitted, 'off air,' that he wished he had a better knowledge of the sports we'd just talked about for the last half hour.

thursday december 25
today i listened to my parents and grandparents have a 20-minute conversation about the merits of facebook, which culminated in my grandparents looking through my brother's facebook photos and my grandmother asking who his "fat" friend was.

friday december 26
today i attempted to keep a look of horror off my face when my grandmother suggested across the room at our family's christmas that my parents (in the midst of cooing over my cousin's baby) probably wanted some grandchildren.

friday december 26

today i was walking down the street at about 10:30ish pm in the rain, to catch a bus downtown. when i was still about one minute from making it to the stop where the bus sat, just across the street, it put on its blinker and began to pull away. a second later, however, it stopped! realizing that i was the only person or car in sight, and that the driver must have seen my wet, pathetic figure in his rear view mirror, i broke into a run, nearly wiping out in epic fashion twice on the ice before making it to the bus. upon entering, i was informed by the driver that he had to leave a few minutes early because the sunday/holiday schedule was in effect. i thanked him for stopping for me, and, after sitting down, realized how lucky i'd been -- had i missed this bus, not knowing that that schedule was in effect, i likely would've shrugged and waited for the next one, which never would've come, since the schedule ends early on holidays. a christmas miracle!!

thursday december 25

today i celebrated my 1000th day on last.fm. and also christmas. merry christmas, readers!!

wednesday december 24

today i opened my garage door in preparation to take the car out, and the first sight i saw outdoors was a ups truck zooming past my house, down the road -- in reverse.

tuesday december 23

today i had a dream in which i showed up at a new year's party that had a dress code which required all those present to wear nice shoes; dress shoes. when i looked down at my feet, not only was i not wearing dress shoes, but the shoes i was wearing didn't even match -- a running shoe on one foot and a boot on the other!!

monday december 22

today i went to the mall, intending to finish my christmas shopping, and ended up buying three times as many things for myself as for others.

sunday december 21

today i drove to a friend's house to pick her up. i'd driven to the house dozens of times in the past, knowing exactly which turns to make, and where it was on the street: the second driveway on the left after turning onto the street. this time, however, the first driveway on the left was covered with snow, its house vacant, after being the site of a drug bust earlier in the year. not recognizing the spot where that driveway was, i managed to drive right past my friend's driveway before clumsily pulling back around in the snow, startling a pedestrian who was walking along the road nearby.

saturday december 20

today i watched the second half of the canadian film too cool for christmas with a friend. it wasn't until the movie had finished that i became aware we'd watched it all with the volume turned to a barely audible level, and had entirely filled in the plot based on our running commentary of our perception of what was happening, and based on the brief, one-sentence description in the 'guide' section

friday december 19

today i went out for dinner with my parents, to east side mario's. when the waiter first approached our table, the first thing he asked was whether we'd been to the restaurant before, to which my mother replied "not this location." this prompted the waiter to go into detail about their features and specials and so forth, while i concernedly remembered a time when we had, in fact, been to the restaurant before. for the next few minutes, i felt we ought to set the record straight with the waiter, though it seemed unlikely that he'd be interested.

thursday december 18

today i took a bus home to london to surprise my mom on her birthday. when she arrived home, i wasn't sure exactly how to "pop out" and surprise her: whether i should do it immediately upon her walking in the door, or if i should wait a couple minutes and then casually walk out while she was talking to my dad, potentially risking overhearing conversation i wouldn't want to hear (involving christmas present surprises or worse). i eventually chose the latter option, assuming that they wouldn't launch into those hypothetical conversations immediately anyway.

wednesday december 17

today i watched the season finale of stylista by myself. i bought myself snacks, and laughed out loud once or twice in an otherwise empty house. it was a pretty sad picture.

tuesday december 16

today i had a sore hand for a good five minutes or so after multiple failed attempts to untwist the top off a container of pasta sauce. the endeavour also left me feeling a little down about my overall strength, though i'm pretty sure it was the jar's fault, and even if i were 15% or 20% stronger, it wouldn't have helped.

monday december 15

today i bought gift wrap as a christmas present for someone.

sunday december 14

today i felt an enormous sense of accomplishment when i temporarily quieted the barking of the dog we were dog-sitting by realizing that he just wanted some food. this was one of the few times when his barking didn't seem entirely illogical. it really felt like we were communicating.

saturday december 13

today i decided to showcase some of the blogs that i link on my sidebar. rather than discuss them all, i'll focus on the ten that have been most recently updated. after all, the ones that update the most often are the best right???

http://canadianlovesong.blogspot.com/
this is my roommate lisa's blog. she likes new order and 90s movies. some of her blog's main themes are: nostalgia, the seasons, exclusive-never-seen-on-facebook photos.

http://transientchildinthewild.blogspot.com/
this is rakhee's blog. she likes love actually and (secretly) friday night lights. she asks hard-hitting questions about pop culture, and frequently embeds youtube videos.

http://www.stuartathompson.com/
this blog, as the url suggests, belongs to stuart a. thompson. he likes wine and hating bill o'reilly. his blog navigates everything from the american political landscape to life in london, and at western. also he posts his essays from class a lot.

http://biasbigadventures.blogspot.com/
this is bianca's blog. she likes british television and the name butch. her blog also discusses life in london, at western, in personal and anecdotal form, with some pop culture thrown in there. watch out for the embedded music player, it starts automatically!!

http://sixty-six.blogspot.com/
this blog belongs to sarah. she likes ska music and dr. mario. also mostly personal and anecdotal, her blog focuses on her life in vancouver; i have to admit that i enjoyed it more when it was about london and i recognized more of the references, but it's still a good read.

http://nonnapower.blogspot.com/
this blog belongs to maria and her sister. they sort of alternate. using the same account. it can be very confusing sometimes. anyway, i don't know her sister (though she seems very nice), but maria dislikes seinfeld. have you ever heard of such a thing? this blog's primary purpose is for the sisters to keep one another apprised of music and movie recommendations.

http://devanboomen.blogspot.com/
it's devan's blog. devan likes doing dishes and my roommate leslie. he didn't update this thing for months, but he's going nuts on it lately. probably exam procrastination or something. my favourite entry he made was when he wondered aloud why the t-rex has "those useless little arms." this is something i've discussed extensively before, though mostly as a punchline in my unwritten dinosaur-themed pilot.

http://electricshuffle.blogspot.com/
this is one of lulu's blogs. she likes giving people rides home from the bar, after taking unflattering photos of them. but we'll get into her other blog another time. this is the one where she posts playlists from her radio show and sometimes mp3s and things like that. look at the colours!!

http://kattekylling.vox.com/library/posts/page/1/
i wonder why the url is that lengthy. weird. anyway, this is kat's blog. she likes the band grizzly bear and maybe actual grizzly bears too, who knows!! a surprise addition to this list, kat only updates this thing about once a month. it's usually pretty entertaining though. her latest post, about her visit to a quack doctor, is MUST-READ.

http://5000songs.blogspot.com/
this is my friend dan's blog. he likes chicago sports and whiskey. he started this "gimmick blog" after seeing the success of mine, but so far hasn't had the same self-discipline for constant updates that i do. when he does update though, it provides an in-depth look into his itunes library, a good chunk of which i've provided him.

friday december 12

today i was finishing off a bag of skittles that i'd bought yesterday. i poured what i thought were the remaining few into my hand while sitting at my computer, checked out a couple of websites, went downstairs to brush my teeth and shave, then came back upstairs. when i came back into my room, i noticed a lone red skittle sitting on my computer chair. i was torn. on one hand, i'd just brushed my teeth, and the fact that the skittle had been lying there for a good amount of time already (during which i may have been sitting on it, for a little while) was unappealing. and i felt uncomfortable setting it aside to save for later. on the other hand, red skittles are delicious. after a good 20 seconds of deliberation, i threw it in the garbage and immediately regretted it.

thursday december 11

today i had an exchange with the girl who checked me out (that is...rang me through) at shopper's drug mart that i was sure would be blog-worthy. however, when i replayed it, looking for a potentially awkward and self-deprecating moment in the conversation, i realized that i'd really played the whole thing rather suavely (particularly, my reaction to whether or not she should open a new roll of pennies to give me the one cent in change she owed me got a solid laugh). while this was ultimately good for my ego, it did little in helping to create an interesting blog entry.

wednesday december 10

today i experienced my first semi-lengthy power-out since owning a laptop, rather than a desktop computer. while my initial reaction was one of excitement -- that i'd finally have SOMETHING to do in the dark, something that didn't rely on the power! -- i quickly realized that the outage took both the internet and my speakers out of play, leaving little of interest to actually do with the functioning computer.

tuesday december 9

today i sat in the laundromat waiting for my clothes to dry. i was reading the fountainhead while the girl sitting next to me blasted beyonce's "single ladies (put a ring on it)" on her ipod, so loudly that it was practically acting as a 'boom box.'

monday december 8

today i went to the dufferin mall, intending to find a 'telephone booth' store that i'd heard was in the building, in order to get my broken cell phone fixed or replaced. i entered at one end of the mall, and wandered through, keeping an eye out for the store all the way. eventually, i arrived at the other end, having not come across the store at all. perturbed, i decided to finally look at one of those maps of the mall, and discovered that the store had actually been the third one i'd passed, about 100 feet from where i originally entered the mall. walking all the way back there made me so grumpy that i didn't even do the other shopping in the mall that i had originally planned.

sunday december 7

today i watched the dramatic and emotional season 1 finale of friday night lights while the girl living on the floor below us was throwing a party which featured music with bass-heavy beats. it ruined the mood slightly.

saturday december 6

today i presented the second installment of the aforementioned "another thing i did on these days" feature. it still doesn't have a better name than that.

tuesday november 25
today i walked into my neighbourhood shoppers drug mart to buy bread and milk. i headed over to the milk section and noticed that polaris prize nominated musician basia bulat was buying milk next to me. though i'd had a class or two with her at western and met her multiple times before, i had no idea if she'd remember who i was, and froze up, unsure of whether to say anything or not. over the course of the next few minutes, we made eye contact, then waited next to one another in the checkout line, while i continued to say nothing the entire time. it was awkward. i don't think she noticed.

friday november 28
today i was standing in line in the lcbo when i heard a discussion from a group behind me, about the appeal of celebrity-endorsed wines. the conversation seemed to mostly come to an end when one girl loudly declared "like my mom needs ANOTHER excuse to be a wino!"

wednesday december 3
today i accidentally sent a text to the wrong person for the third time (to the third different wrong person) since buying my new cell phone, a little more than a month ago. the phone is making me so nervous that i now intend, whenever i remember, to click on 'add recipient' at the end of the message to be 100% sure i have the right name checked off, rather than just clicking 'send.'

friday december 5
today i was walking by myself to a nearby pizza pizza shortly after 1:00 am. along the way, a large group of teenagers -- about 25 maybe -- were taking up most of the majority of the sidewalk space outside one building (not even a bar!), making me slightly nervous, in light of recent incidents in the area. when i was almost past them all, one girl called in my direction: "excuse me, sir. sir??" i pretended not to hear and power-walked my way through to the other side.

friday december 5

today i was walking through downtown toronto when i saw a black pickup truck in a parking lot with the words "mammoth erection" in bright yellow on the side. it was unclear, from the truck, what kind of company this "mammoth erection" was, assuming they are, in fact, a company.

thursday december 4

today i went downstairs to use the bathroom at the bar 'beaconsfield.' rather than having multi-person men's and women's washrooms, the bar features three single-toilet unisex bathrooms; you know, the kind that one person uses at a time and locks behind them. while lining up to wait for a bathroom to become available, a guy came out of one of the three, followed a few seconds later by a girl, and then another 30 seconds later by a second guy -- all out of the same bathroom. baffled at the fact that the three of them even managed to fit into the cramped room, i was slightly uncomfortable to be the one using it next.

wednesday december 3

today i stood on the side of the road, attempting to cross the road to my house, for so long, that a passerby asked me if i was waiting for the bus, even though i was not standing at the bus stop.

tuesday december 2

today i noticed, for the first time ever, the microwave instructions on the side of the pop tarts box, which advise putting it in on 'high' for three seconds. my incredulous reaction to the fact that three seconds, even on 'high', would do anything brought back a long-lost memory from my childhood, when i used to watch the bugs bunny & tweety show every sunday afternoon. one of the commercials/public service announcements that constantly played during the show's advertisements featured tweety bird cautioning against making the water too hot in the shower or bath, offering that "hot water can burn in less than twee (3) seconds." if i remember correctly, this made me terrified to step into the shower for weeks, for fear that i'd be perma-scalded.

monday december 1

today i wanted to charge my phone while sitting at my computer, without missing any potential calls or texts. unfortunately, the power outlet next to me was full: one socket with my bedside clock and the other with the computer's power bar. the power bar, while not full, had its available outlets blocked by oversized power plugs, leaving me to unplug the bedside clock to charge the phone. when i fell asleep later in the day, i had a dream in which i rearranged the power bar's plugs, sticking the huge ones on either side, so that the available outlets were freed up. while this dream plan makes perfect sense and would take approximately 30 seconds to execute, i've yet to implement it, as if doing so would mean my acknowledging that my unconscious is a better problem solver than my conscious.

sunday november 30

today i was home by myself and sitting with our cat in the living room, watching football. all of the sudden, i heard several loud crashes from the kitchen, which sounded alarmingly like breaking dishes. when the noises subsided and it became clear that i'd have to go investigate, my first concern wasn't the mess and the prospect of cleaning it up, but rather that my roommates would hold me responsible for whatever had happened in the kitchen, despite my being on the other side of the house.

saturday november 29

today i went out for dinner with cousins who i see very infrequently. the biggest revelation of the meal came when i heard one cousin, who lives within walking distance of me, mention that he hosts a weekly poker night. while my ears perked up at this news, i quickly realized that the participants in this night were the types with real jobs and real bank accounts and, despite my extensive experience playing $1 online tournaments, i'd probably be a little out of my league; financially, at least. i didn't pursue the subject.

friday november 28

today i was standing by the door to our second-floor patio, awaiting the arrival of a friend and surveying the street below. just as i was about to admire the quiet, picturesque (or at least as picturesque as a city street can be) scene, i noticed a homeless man unrolling a sleeping bag and hunkering down for the night on the steps of the church across the road. his preparation process involved taking off his jacket and using it as a pillow. this technique made me consider whether this would be the best course of action in cold weather, or whether it'd be smarter to just keep the jacket on and go pillowless.

thursday november 27

today i had my worst fantasy football dork moment of the season, when i watched the majority of the tennessee titans' 47-10 blowout of the detroit lions (which wasn't as close as it sounds) in the hopes that my fantasy kicker, rob bironas, would make a bunch of field goals. the good news is that he did.

wednesday november 26

today i noticed for the first time that my blog had a follower. while i'm not entirely sure what 'following' entails in this instance, it just sounds flattering, and looks pretty exciting whenever i go to my dashboard and see the big image there.

tuesday november 25

today i had a dream that i was standing beside my grandmother when she fell and broke her hip. i tried to catch her and break her fall but didn't move quickly enough. i don't want to talk about it.

monday november 24

today i got on the greyhound bus that would take me from london back to toronto and took off my coat and made myself comfortable. immediately after my coat was off, i realized that the heat had not yet been turned on in the bus (a replacement for one with mechanical issues), or had at least not nearly circulated through the bus yet. i could still see my breath, and had to breathe into my hands to warm them up, but i refused to put my jacket back on because i didn't want to admit, to no one, that i hadn't been fully prepared for the bus climate and made a mistake.

sunday november 23

today i introduced a new feature to one thing i did today, called 'another thing i did on these days.' that's a working title, i just made it up 10 seconds ago.

saturday november 15:
today i took a 'candy green apple' shot at the bar that was so delicious that i immediately wished out loud that i could have a whole glass of it. to drink. with, like, my dinner or something.

monday november 17:
today i was having a conversation with someone, when they used the phrase "study date." a few days ago, another friend used the phrase "reading party." in both instances, i felt like i was hearing oxymorons.

tuesday november 18:
today i watched the mighty ducks for the first time since i was a child and was shocked at just how villainous the opposing team in the 'big game' sequence was. after the coach told one player to intentionally injure the ducks' star, he did so, and a dismayed (and morally sound) teammate came up to him and asked "what did you do??" the offending child responded, with a menacing sneer: "my job!" this 10 year old came off as a scarier villain than jigsaw in every saw movie combined.

wednesday november 19
today i chuckled a little too hard while watching stylista on the cw, when one contestant's issues with being overweight were referred to as the "elephant in the room."

friday november 21
today i was standing outside rainbow cinemas, looking at the posters there in an attempt to decide what, if anything, i wanted to see. all of the sudden, a group of giggling girls ran up to the twilight poster, armed with a camera. one girl posed in front of the girl pictured in the poster (pretending, i guess, that it was actually her that got to frolic around with that hunky vampire), while her friend took her photo. i had to look away from the wall of posters to hide my patronizing laughter.

friday november 21
today i realized how unaware of the day of the week i constantly am, if i don't stop to think about it. in london, someone asked me what the snow situation in toronto was like, and i replied, trying to indicate how little snow there was: "oh we didn't even have any stay on the ground until...... saturday." what i really meant to say was "wednesday," which would have been far more recent and noteworthy (in contrast to london's snowfall) than a day that was nearly a week ago.

saturday november 22

today i was at my grandparents' house, talking with them while the vanier cup was muted on television on one side of the room. during one pause in the conversation, my grandma pointed at the tv and said "look at that fatboy." it wasn't even an offensive lineman or anything, just a referee!!

friday november 21

today i was driving along york street when i came to a stop at a red light. i was the first car in the left lane (the pole position, if you will), and a taxi sat beside me in the right lane. as the opposite light turned red, i noticed a pedestrian start to cross the road on the far side of the right, in front of where we would be driving momentarily. this was odd, but i assumed he was just trying to make it to the center island/median, where he'd wait for a break in traffic and then go the rest of the way. our light turned green and the taxi and i began driving ahead, when, suddenly, it appeared to suddenly dawn on the pedestrian that he was walking against the light. rather than take the last two steps to the center of the road, he attempted to run back to where he'd come from. i was paying attention the whole time, and wasn't accelerating very quickly in the snow anyway, so i braked well short of him. the taxi did not. it attempted to slam on its brakes but still clipped his leg and sent him flying to the ground. he immediately jumped to his feet, apparently uninjured, and started to walk away (he looked more embarrassed than anything), while the taxi driver pulled over to the side of the road and ran back to see if he was okay. while i would've liked to see what transpired next, i realized that i probably had to keep driving to avoid holding up all the traffic behind me, and pulled away, being sure to keep an extra-sharp eye out for oblivious pedestrians.

thursday november 20

today i returned home to london for the first time since moving to toronto. when i arrived at my house, the driveway was buried in a heavy snowfall. figuring i should lend a hand now that i was back home, i came out to help my father shovel the driveway. on my very first 'thrust' i thought i felt something tweak in my side, like a pulled muscle. i kept going and helped finish the job, but to this moment, my side is still sore. the first thrust!!

wednesday november 19

today i attempted to place odds on who would win the america's next top model finale (mckey: even, analeigh: 2-1, samantha, 4-1) and elicit bets from my roommates, but got no action. when i flipped to the raptors/heat game during commercial breaks, i briefly considered trying to introduce a parlay situation into the mix, but decided it against it. which is unfortunate, since i totally would've bet on the raptors and mckey at, say, 2-1.

tuesday november 18

today i received a handwritten card from the girl at the 'phone booth' store in westmount mall that i bought my phone from a few weeks back. upon reading it, i spent the next five minutes debating with myself over whether or not this was something they'd always do (as suggested by the somewhat formal nature of the message and the fact that the phone number included was the store's) or if this was an exceptional instance (as suggested by the handwriting, the personal detail at the end of the message, and the fact that, due to rogers problems, this girl had spent about two or three hours total helping me buy my phone). i'm still not entirely sure, though i'm leaning towards the former.

monday november 17

today i met a friend at a nearby bar. i arrived approximately four minutes before she did and, within that brief time span, was so uncomfortable waiting in an unknown place by myself that i sent her two text messages and, with little prompting, assured two bartenders/servers that i was waiting for someone.

sunday november 16

today i was approximately five minutes into a skype conversation with my mother when she announced that barack obama was currently being interviewed on 60 minutes, and asked if i minded if we cut the convo short.

saturday november 15

today i experienced the first drawback of the combination of my third-floor bedroom and my laziness. at the first floor entrance, prepared to go out for dinner, i remembered that it was raining fairly steadily, but didn't feel like trekking up and down two flights of stairs to get an umbrella, and ended up just getting wet instead. worth it.

friday november 14

today i made my first trip to a toronto laundromat and, within one minute of entering the building, was making small talk with the owner. i interpreted this as a good omen for my laundry future there.

thursday november 13

today i had a dream in which i was being stalked by a villain who was sort of a cross between the ones from the texas chain saw massacre and i know what you did last summer, though he wasn't nearly as menacing as either.

wednesday november 12

today i attempted to finally finish unpacking my room, or at least find 'storage' for the things that i didn't want to or need to unpack. about two thirds of the way through this process, i paused to admire the result, expecting to be pleased with the cleanliness and tidiness of my room, but instead was perturbed to find that it just felt a lot emptier. i left the remaining third of the disorganized mess.

tuesday november 11

today i watched the telecast of the final table of the world series of poker, in which a 22 year old who described himself as "lazy and unproductive" won the first place prize of $9.1 million. as far as inspirational sports stories go, it ranked slightly above the rookie.

monday november 10

today i was in the dairy section of the grocery store when a young woman, wearing a perplexed look on her face, asked me: "do you know which cheese it is that's on sale?" unsure of why she'd choose to ask this question of me, since i hardly looked like a hardcore shopper, with only about five items in my basket, i was about to tell her that i had no idea. suddenly, i remembered that when i'd first picked up my basket, upon entering the store, there'd been a flier sitting in it. i quickly moved my groceries out of the way and fished out the flier, which, to my delight, had a giant picture of cheese on its cover. i casually passed it to her, silently pleased with my ability to drop knowledge on fellow shoppers, and left her to find the discounted cheese (black diamond!).

sunday november 9

today i cited jumanji as one of the scarier movies of my childhood. it later occurred to me that i was already 10 years old when it came out, making me a little embarrassed by the fear.

saturday november 8

today i advertised my girl talk ticket for sale on the facebook event for girl talk's upcoming toronto show. this posting eventually elicited eight responses, leading me to believe that not only could i have instigated a bidding war for the ticket, but that when the next sure-to-sell-out-but-not-in-two-seconds-like-radiohead show comes along, i should just buy up 5-10 tickets and eventually make a sweet profit. if only i had no conscience!!

friday november 7

today i was shopping at wal-mart when a fight broke out between three black women and an older white woman. while i didn't run over in time to see most of it, i heard the phrases "that is RACISM!" and "white trash BITCH!" being thrown about. after the fight was broken up, both parties walked past me, with the black women still talking about racism, followed by the white woman muttering that she hoped someone had called the cops on them.

thursday november 6

today i had a dream in which i carried my macbook (and itunes library) around with me while out walking on the streets, like people used to do with boomboxes. i was blasting "love lockdown," in the dream. i was so groggy when i woke up that i briefly thought this was a great idea.

wednesday november 5

today i was second in line at an lcbo cashier, behind what looked and smelled like a homeless man. he appeared to be buying two beers that came to a total of $4.80. as i stood there waiting my turn, he kept pulling small pieces of change -- nickels, dimes, and occasionally quarters -- out of his pockets, as the cashier kept informing him how short he was of the total ("a dollar," "80 cents," "65 cents," etc.) finally, after getting within 40 cents, the man stopped rifling through his pockets and the cashier glanced back at me and the growing line before mumbling "that's fine" and sending the man on his way with a discount.

tuesday november 4

today i decided, with the weather as nice as it was, that i'd walk to a friend's place a few kilometers away. not wanting to be overly early or late, i first google mapped the route to find out the distance between our houses, then looked up the wikipedia for 'walking' to find out the average walking speed of a human. despite my reseach, and a brief run-in and stop-and-talk with a friend along the way, i arrived 15 minutes early.

monday november 3

today i talked with (or, more accurately: listened to) our extremely anti-pets landlady for a few minutes in our house, while our cat stood a few feet away, with only a single door in between. i took in little of what the landlady said because the entire time i was focused on any sounds that might come from that room, and how i'd explain them.

sunday november 2

today i received a facebook friend request from my grandfather. weirder still is the fact that the 'interested in' section of his profile lists only 'men,' which is either him officially coming out, or a simple comprehension mix-up.

saturday november 1

today i was sitting on the bus at a stop, when i turned around to look out the window and was greeted by a guy dressed in a head-to-toe spider-man costume waving at me from a few feet away.

friday october 31

today i was walking home along bloor street, very early friday morning (or late thursday night, if you prefer), when a car drove by me. its stereo was blasting weezer's "say it ain't so" while its three male passengers pretty much hung out the windows, singing along so loudly that they nearly drowned out the song itself.

thursday october 30

today i went grocery shopping. i was in the vegetable section, having just picked out a couple of tomatoes, when my foot knocked up against a tomato that had previously fallen on the floor, sending it skidding a few feet away. the only other person in the area was an elderly lady, so i shot her a "tomatoes on the floor! what are you gonna do!" look, and went to pass her by, when she said "you should put that back." confused at what exactly she meant, i replied "pardon?" and she gestured towards the bin of tomatoes and repeated: "you should put it back in there." half-horrified and half-amused by the notion that i should put a tomato that had been sitting on the floor, kicked around by shoppers, back into the bin for someone else to buy it, i responded, "i don't think anyone will.... want it now...." before she interrupted grouchily: "well you're the one who knocked it over!" i started to explain that it had already been on the ground, but realizing this wouldn't do any good, i gave up and inched away from her and the vegetable section, while i heard her muttering something about people who don't pick up after themselves.

wednesday october 29

today i experienced my first household television power struggle, when the deciding game of the world series aired at the same time as the cw combination of america's next top model and stylista.

tuesday october 28

today i moved to toronto. officially. for good. fyi.

monday october 27

today i found a half sandwich in my pocket with no recollection of how it got there.

sunday october 26

today i had a conversation with my grandfather about downsizing and cutbacks in which he asked, quite seriously: "what i want to know is... when are the robots going to take over?"

saturday october 25

today i went into the phone store in the mall to get some information about different companies' phone plans and contracts. the employee that i talked to was very helpful and gave me a lot of good information and pamphlets. for the entire time that i should have been thinking about what plans would work best for me, though, i was thinking about her braces and trying to remember what a friend had recently told me her made-up term for "adult braces" was. bradults? no, not bradults.

friday october 24

today i was standing on the porch outside a house party when two guys who did not look like the party's target demographic walked up and excitedly asked, in indecipherable accents (east-coast canada meets england?) if it was "juicy in there," before going in.

thursday october 23

today i had my last episode of 'utility men' on chrw, before i move to toronto. the last words i spoke on the show, in the 'end zone' feature, involved halloween costume advice, in which i instructed listeners on how to dress up as a convincing larry johnson, running back of the kansas city chiefs. this advice involved telling people to find a girl at a bar, tell her boyfriend you're going to kill him, then throwing your drink in her face. in hindsight, i regret this 'end zone' -- not because of the offensive nature of my tips, but because i got the details a little wrong.

wednesday october 22

today i had my first casual (or rather: 'dress down') day at work. wearing a nice sweater and jeans in place of my usual dress shirt and pants, i was feeling pretty good about myself upon coming into work. looking good. the first two coworkers i encountered in the morning, however, immediately inquired as to why i wasn't wearing pink, since apparently doing so, in support of the canadian breast cancer foundation was encouraged. though this was quite impractical for me, considering my wardrobe, i felt slightly out of place for the rest of the day, as one of the only people in our office who was not wearing pink.

tuesday october 21

today i was referred to as "butch cassidy" on the radio.

monday october 20

today i was informed by a chatty and opinionated bus-goer at my downtown bus stop that the reason there was still so much construction happening in the streets of london was because "the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing, and the left hand isn't even attached to the body."

sunday october 19

today i watched game 7 of the alcs in its entirety, cheering hard for the tampa bay rays to pull off the victory over the played out defending champion boston red sox. at one point, i noticed, with a little disgust, the dvd faith rewarded: the historic season of the 2004 boston red sox on the shelf above my television, and marveled at how a mere four years could entirely invert my opinion of a franchise.

saturday october 18

today i made the decision on what colour to paint my room based entirely on which leftover paint cans we had the most of in the house, without having seen what the colour actually looked like.

friday october 17

today i was walking through my basement with all of the lights off, heading towards the stairs. while i know where everything is down there and don't need the lights, i usually have to feel my way through the last little way, so as not to run into the wall or the punching bag that hangs from the ceiling near the bottom of the stairs. however, as i put my hands out in front of me near where the punching bag should be, they felt nothing but air. i finally reached the stairs and flicked on the light, then looked back and saw no punching bag. apparently it has been gone since my brother, its primary user, left the country a month and a half ago, leaving me feeling very imperceptive about the goings-on in my own house.

thursday october 16

today i went for lunch to a nearby meat shop with a coworker with whom i occasionally eat lunch. he had never been there before, and when he noticed two rotating racks of meat in the back, he recognized one as chicken, but inquired as to what the other one was. "ostrich," the employee behind the counter replied, deadpan. having become something of a 'regular' at this shop now, i knew this employee and knew that the second meat was, obviously, plain old beef; i tried to hide my chuckle as we exchanged a conspiratorial glance. my coworker totally bought into the fib, however, and the employee kept up the ruse for so long and was so convincing (eventually getting him to agree to try some ostrich meat for lunch!!) that for a split second even i doubted what i knew to be true about the identity of the meat.

wednesday october 15

today i was working outside when i was suddenly seemingly surrounded by a smell so unpleasant that it was all i could do not to be overcome with nausea on the spot. i had no idea what the source of this smell was, but the only way i could think to describe it was wet dog mixed with french toast, which was far worse than one or the other on their own.

tuesday october 14

today i was reading a novel that i'd borrowed from the library. when i made the turn from pages 146/147 to pages 148/149, i was greeted with a bright pink sticky note on which someone had written: "you are beautiful."

monday october 13

today i was riding through my grandparents' neighbourhood in the evening with my grandfather when we passed by a couple of young-looking girls (i would estimate 14 or 15 years old). while i thought it looked like they were just hangin' out, minding their own business, my grandfather immediately opined that they looked like "ladies of the night," before conceding, in fairness, that they "probably" weren't.

sunday october 12

today i had a conversation with a friend about the potential to manipulate my blog entries by doing something crazy enough while hanging out with me that i'd be forced to write about it. this conversation meant that, approximately an hour later, as he was being hassled by two police officers, i couldn't help but look upon the encounter, serious as it may have been, with a little bit of skepticism.

saturday october 11

today i stood awkwardly by at a bus stop as the guy next to me, armed with a giant tattoo that read "one love," rapped along in a monotone delivery to the song he was listening to on his ipod. how are you supposed to react to these people that sing or headbang or hum along out loud to their ipods? do they EXPECT you to be laughing at them when they turn around and glance at you or do you have to hide it??

friday october 10

today i literally typed out three potential "one things i did today" before deleting each of them, for fear that they were too dull or i'd written entries too similar in the past. i suppose this is hardly surprising, considering the highlights of my day were: a) receiving two lengthy facebook messages shortly before 5:00, allowing me to kill the last few minutes of my work week by reading them; and b) taking a five-hour nap in the evening.

thursday october 9

today i thoroughly prepared for my radio show, on a variety of topics, ranging from the phillies' lack of pitching depth to the miami dolphins' wildcat offense. when actually on the show and immersed in baseball discussion, however, i realized that i hadn't even considered one of the most important issues: predicting which teams would actually win the mlb championship series. as such, i ended up inventing a prediction in the spur of the moment that i immediately regretted after voicing it.

wednesday october 8

today i received a text message from an unknown number that read: "dear god, the lady reading this is beautiful and i love her. help her live her life to the fullest. send to the females u love!"

tuesday october 7

today i waited after work for my first bus for about 20 minutes instead of the usual 5 or so. silently fuming the entire ride that i was going to miss my transfer bus and get home a half-hour later than usual, i ranted in my head about the ltc and how i wasn't going to miss this stupid city at all. this continued as i eventually got off the first bus and arrived at my transfer stop a minute or two after my second bus should have gone by. after a couple more minutes of waiting and fuming, i was about to take off to another stop to catch a different bus, when my bus came driving down the street, running a few minutes late. in an instant, all was forgiven and a warm affection for the city washed over me. i'll miss you after all, london. because i caught this one bus.

monday october 6

today i was involved in a conversation where someone posed the one word question "forever?" and i instinctively replied "forever-ever." confused at this automatic response at first, i recognized within about 10 seconds that i was quoting outkast's "ms. jackson" and didn't quite know how to feel about the fact that a line from a 7-year-old rap song had so thoroughly permeated my vocabulary.

sunday october 5

today i took the last bus of saturday night, technically the first bus of sunday morning, home. a concern for my health and well-being was all that stopped me from giving in to the urge to earnestly ask one of the drunken, rowdy, purple-shirt wearing homecoming-goers on the bus around me if there was some sort of national douchebag convention in town.

saturday october 4

today i decided to up the stakes in the online pokerstars tournaments i'd been playing, making the leap from $1 to $3 tournaments. high roller. this decision must have angered the poker gods in some way; in the very first $3 tournament i played, i was eliminated in a hand in which i was a 99.7% favourite, according to cardplayer's poker calculator.

friday october 3

today i was at work when a co-worker from the next-door cubicle handed me a couple of birthday cards to sign -- one for a co-worker i knew, and the other for one that i didn't. they'd originally gone around, i assumed, while i was away sick last week, as only about 4 or 5 people of the 25+ in the office had yet to sign them. not knowing where any of these people sat, or, really, who any of them were, i took the cards to our reception desk to let them handle things. in the midst of explaining myself and handing the cards to the receptionist, whose name i also didn't know (in my defense, we have a rotation of like three or four receptionists), i became briefly panicked that the birthday card i'd signed for the unknown co-worker was, in fact, hers. the realization of this very real possibility made me stumble over the last bit of my spiel, though i'd already gotten too far into it to back out. fortunately, judging by her lack of reaction, i think i was okay.

thursday october 2

today i watched the u.s. vice presidential debate for about 15 or 20 minutes before deciding that politics were more entertaining and easier to comprehend on the wire and turning an episode of that on instead.

wednesday october 1

today i was listening to my ipod at work while having my cubicle frequented semi-regularly by a co-worker with whom i was working on a project. the first couple of times she visited, i paused my ipod, causing its screen to light up and display what i was listening to. while neither song (studio b's "i see girls" and of montreal's "an eluardian instance") was overly embarrassing, a combination of the somewhat odd and unknown (to her) song/band/album names and cover art made me feel slightly uncomfortable. when she came back for a third time and i happened to be listening to "gimme head" by julian cope, i decided it'd be best to forgo pausing my music and having her look at my ipod display, and just slipped off my headphones instead.

tuesday september 30

today i got off the bus after work in the pouring rain. my next-door neighbour, an older woman, often takes the same bus as me at the end of the day, and usually her husband picks her up from the bus stop and drives her home, even though the walk is only three or four minutes. while i'm not lazy enough to wish that this would happen for me every day, in this instance i was definitely daydreaming about how nice it would be to get out of the rain -- i had an umbrella, but it's rather small, and my work clothes were still getting splashed and wet. just as i was thinking about this, i noticed my father's car driving up the street. it was like something out of a movie, where the dramatic music swells as the protagonist's fantasy comes true. it was, however, dampened somewhat when he waved and then drove past me, as i realized he was on his way out elsewhere.

monday september 29

today i went to the central library to pick up a dvd i had on hold there. upon entering, i walked over to the hold shelf, and was troubled to see that my item wasn't there. given that it was supposed to be held until tuesday, i immediately assumed that some jerk who'd wanted to watch the film so badly that he just couldn't wait had somehow finagled it out of my name. this resulted in my angrily fuming to myself that they shouldn't just put awesome dvds out in the open for anyone to potentially nab. before leaving, however, i checked the catalogue and saw that the hold was still in place. grudgingly, i asked about it at the information desk and was told that dvds were, in fact, held behind the front checkout desk. with combined embarrassment and relief, i went to the counter and secured my dvd.

sunday september 28

today i participated, over the course of the day, in a 24-message facebook thread with a friend that was composed entirely of discussion about our chances on the final day of the fantasy baseball season.

saturday september 27

today i went to a show that started so early that when the headlining band began playing, i remained outside sitting on the patio for nearly a full song, convinced that they were an opening band until i realized that the faint noise we could make out sounded sort of familiar.

friday september 26

today i drove over to white oaks mall on my lunch break, intending to make a quick purchase at h&m. within two minutes, i found what i wanted, and began walking over to the checkout counter. when i'd almost reached the counter, i noticed that there were no employees behind it. i lingered in the area for a few seconds, glancing around to see if anyone would come over; no one did. unsure of exactly what to do (whether to just keep standing there until someone noticed, or whether there was a bell i could ding, or what), i feigned interest in a display bin in that section, then slowly walked back to the men's section. knowing i was in no rush, with plenty of time to spare, i looked at clothes there for the next six minutes, until another customer made their way to the checkout counter, drawing an employee. at this point, i slipped into line, pretending that now i'd seen all i wanted to.

thursday september 25

today i forgot to bring my ipod to work for the first time since i began listening to it every day, about two weeks after i started the job. while i could get by easily without it during those first two weeks, since i didn't know what i was missing, it has since become like my heroin every weekday. within the first ten minutes of the day i was already wondering how i'd last until 5:00 pm. the pangs of withdrawal were sharpest during mid-afternoon, peaking at the moment when i once again heard the whistling from "young folks", which instinctively made me clench my fists tightly together. never again will i leave home without my fix.

wednesday september 24

today i called in sick to work for the second consecutive day. this call was the most stressful part of my day. despite the fact that i was, in fact, genuinely ill, and not just looking for an excuse to take a day off, i felt i needed to prove that in the span of my ten-second phone message. fortunately, upon hanging up, i felt like i'd succeeded, and that my message had perfectly mixed remorseful, regretful, and raspy.

tuesday september 23

today i made a mental note to add "taking pills" to the list of things i'm really good at, after taking a pill that looked like it was intended for a horse or perhaps an elephant, without even a sip of water!!

monday september 22

today i was riding the bus home when i noticed what appeared to be a giant, inflatable mr. peanut likeness, which i originally mistook as a hot air balloon, floating above my neighbourhood.

sunday september 21

today i posted the last of my LOLA coverage on muchmusic.com. in case you missed them!!! my only regrets are talking nothing about the art, and also not mentioning how silly andrew francis's pre-planned encores were. he came off like an irritating hype man hosting a fifth-rate freestyle rap battle. let the crowd dictate if they get an encore or not, jeez.

saturday september 20

today i was walking down richmond street when i passed a dad and his (approximately) 5 year old daughter biking down the street. The dad had a regular sized bike which was connected to his daughter's kid-sized bike behind him, allowing her to ride along without doing any work. As they rode past, his facial expression was plain, hardly memorable, while hers, presumably unbeknownst to her father, was one of unadulterated intensity and excitement, both her hands raised in the air, throwing up devil horns.

friday september 19

today i was driving home across the bridge near labatt park and harris park, out of downtown, when i was blocked off by an array of police cars and an ambulance. as i sat there waiting for the way to be cleared, i saw police arrest someone and shove him into the back of one of their cars. when they finally opened a narrow lane for the lineup of stopped cars to drive through, i glanced towards the middle of the road and noticed a man sprawled out on the median, and paramedics preparing to load him on a stretcher into their ambulance. This resulted in my imagination running wild about what sort of incident could've gone down, and also left me feeling vague pangs of guilt for being really happy when the wait ended and i was just able to drive through and get home to sleep.

thursday september 18

today i watched days of wine and roses while drinking multiple beers.

wednesday september 17

today i was eating pizza for lunch, at a picnic table close to little caesars, as i often do. as i was sitting there chewing and reading a book, three kids -- probably about 10 years old -- walked past and one of them said to me: "hey can i have a piece?" and then quickly added "just kidding!" before i could respond. attempting to show that i'm a cool, fun guy, in spite of my office-ready dress shirt and pants, i called after them: "i would have said no anyway!" in a tone i was hoping sounded casual and joking, but, judging by the uncomfortable reaction, might not have come off that way.

tuesday september 16

today i heard the song "young folks" by peter bjorn & john over the muffled intercom in our office that plays a radio station faintly. the volume is so low that i have no idea which radio station it is, and in fact usually hear no other songs all day, unless i'm listening specifically for them. this was, however, the third day in a row that i'd heard "young folks" because of how bizarrely loud the song's whistling is in the mix. the whistling is all i hear of the entire track, whether or not i have my headphones on (listening to something else on my ipod). it's starting to make me want to destroy my eardrums. how did i ever like this song.

monday september 15

today i bought a bag of ranch-flavoured crispers on my lunch break, intending to eat them throughout the afternoon to quell my hunger. upon eating the first few, however, i realized there was no way i could eat them without getting my fingers dirty with lingering cripser crumbs; no good for simultaneously using a computer! my snack delayed, the post-work crispers chow down was pretty much all i thought about for the final three hours of my work day.

sunday september 14

today i was riding the greyhound bus home to london when i realized that the woman sitting next to me had fallen asleep. her head began to gradually lean and lean until it was almost on my shoulder as i shifted uncomfortably away, unsure of what exactly to do. finally, when it was getting too close for comfort, i pretended to nudge her head 'accidentally' while shifting positions, prompting her to jerk awake and immediately apologize.

saturday september 13

today i drove a race against time and rain to toronto, in a truck with a couch and bed in the open cab in the back; we won.

friday september 12

today i ate lunch at mcdonald's with a coworker. with about 10 minutes left in our lunch hour, we decided to head back to work, and my coworker rose and began walking away from our mcdonald's table. i hesitated, unsure of whether he was leaving or just using the washroom, since he'd left all of our garbage and trays on the table. when i saw him turn towards the exit door, i froze, still standing at our table. i had to make a snap decision, either cleaning up the mess and throwing it out, making him look like a jerk, or following him and leaving the mess for the employees to clean up, potentially making us both look like jerks. my choice was somewhere in between, as i quickly tossed as much of the table's garbage onto our tray as possible before getting up and leaving. as if that did any good.

thursday september 11

today i got off work at 5:00 and began driving across the city to campus to host my radio show. i talked to my radio partner and confidently assured him i'd be there by 5:30, to prepare for the 6:00 show. i then began a drive down wharncliffe road that lasted 50 minutes, including 30 minutes to get from horton to oxford. while approaching oxford, i began to panic slightly, knowing that i was the only one of us who knew how the control board functioned, and that a sports discussion show with one person was pretty hard to pull off. as i began running through all the potential solutions for what could happen if i didn't make it on time, i passed through oxford and all of the sudden the traffic cleared up entirely, as if it was just a normal street again!! the rest of the trip took approximately four minutes, and i made it into the studio with plenty of time (five minutes) to spare.

wednesday september 10

today i blogged for muchmusic.com.

tuesday september 9

today i was buttoning up my shirt while getting dressed in the morning. when i reached the last button, near the collar, i thought that it felt a little different than normal, but chalked it up to being a shirt i didn't wear often, and wasn't used to. i didn't consider it again until arriving at work and passing by the coffee station, saying good morning to a couple co-workers. as i passed by them, i absentmindedly passed my hand by the top of my shirt and realized that, sure enough, i was exposing much more of my chest than usual. i quickly sat down in my cubicle and inspected the button situation, and sure enough, there were two on one side and one on the other, as i'd been one off on each button without noticing. i spent the next 90 seconds in the bathroom stall, redressing myself.

monday september 8

today i was sitting near the front of a fairly busy bus on the way to work. i was reading a novel and was so caught up in it that i didn't even notice that an elderly lady was standing near the bus's entrance, until another voice piped up, "this young man's offering you his seat," as a kid who looked about 14 politely stood up. i felt vaguely guilty the rest of the way, though i only looked up from my book for about three seconds.

sunday september 7

today i was supposed to sign the lease for the toronto apartment i'm currently paying rent for, a rare opportunity to do so, being in town for one of the few times until i actually 'move in.' instead of coming over to do so, however, the landlady decided to put it off because it was raining outside.

saturday september 6

today i went to a restaurant for breakfast. the menu choice that i decided on posed far too many options: how you want your eggs done, which two of five possible 'breakfast meats' you want, toast vs. a bagel, and so on. when the time came to order, i nearly made it through each of these decisions harmlessly, until the waiter asked: "what kind of toast?" having been anticipating the question to be "toast or bagel?" i froze and stammered "just..... toast," not realizing that he was, in fact, asking me what kind of bread i wanted, having already correctly assumed that i wasn't going to choose the bagel.

friday september 5

today i rode the greyhound bus to toronto and sat behind a girl who was watching one tree hill dvds on her macbook for the entire duration of the trip. every time i looked up, there was chad michael murray looking back at me.

thursday september 4

today i was cooking dinner when i accidentally spilled all over the surface of our cermaic stove-top. unable to clean up the liquid mess on the extremely hot burner before it hardened, i was subsequently forced to employ four different household cleaners, unsure of which one would produce optimal results. the results were less than satisfactory.

wednesday september 3

today i participated in a fantasy football draft for a league that i refer to as my 'family league,' except i didn't know who approximately half the participants were.

tuesday september 2

today i was the only one home when a friend of my mother's arrived at our house to stay overnight. as such, i was left with the responsibility of being the welcome wagon and directing her to her room and such. upon taking her suitcase up to the guest room, i flicked the light switch, and nothing happened. having prepared the room during the day, we hadn't noticed that the light bulb had burnt out. our guest still hanging out downstairs, attempting to pick up our wireless connection, i quickly slipped down the hall to my brother's bedroom. he had just left for france, and wouldn't be needing his lightbulb. i unscrewed it and headed back to the guest room, pleased with myself for thinking quickly and problem solving. unfortunately, when i went to change the bulb on the ceiling, i found that simply standing on a chair did not give me enough height -- i needed some sort of LADDER. at this point, the whole procedure seemed like a lot of unnecessary work. i returned my brother's light bulb, turned on the guest room's bedside lamp and went back to watching 90210.

monday september 1

today i received a text message from a friend calling me out on a recent entry in this blog, bragging about what rhymes he would've chosen, and pointing out that "headroom" wasn't even a word. this led me to text back the following hypothetical rap lyric to prove that i was on the right track: "top come off my coupe to gimme more head room / top come off my girl soon as we up in the bedroom."

sunday august 31

today i was flipping through tv stations while killing time, and came across the will smith blockbuster hit, independence day. while it was one of my favourite movies upon its initial release, i hadn't seen it in, in all likelihood, nearly ten years. however, as the movie unfolded, more and more of its dialogue began coming back to me, to the point where i knew exactly what james rebhorn's cadence would be when his albert nimzicki character delivered the line "that's not.... enTIREly accurate...." during the conversation about area 51.

saturday august 30

today i had a dream in which i was part of a group of about 10-12 people who were charged with spitting an impromptu freestyle rap that promoted chicago. as my fellow competitors (because i think it was a competition) performed ahead of me, and my turn inched closer, i began panicking, as the only rhyme i could think of was "head room" and "bedroom," which i could barely spin into a line that made sense, let alone spoke positively about chicago.

friday august 29

today i was driving home from work and, as usual, had my windows down while blasting a rap cd. as i pulled up to a red light at oxford/hyde park, lil' wayne's "dipset," a particularly offensive selection, was playing. so when i noticed a car in the lane to my right pulling up and slowing down beside me, despite the fact that there were about two or three car lengths of space in front of him, i became concerned. i glanced out of the corner of my eye and realized that the driver was a black guy wearing a slightly tilted baseball cap, and was trying to get my attention. paranoid at being called out for the music i was listening to, i quickly turned the volume down to a barely audible level and looked hesitantly out my passenger-side window at him, waiting for the mockery that was sure to come. "hey man, do you know if i passed platt's lane already?" he asked. i was so relieved at the innocuous line of questioning that i quickly blurted out the only slightly helpful response, "yeah, it's back there!" and gestured behind me. he nodded thanks and pulled away, leaving me to turn my music back up, though not quite as loudly as before.

thursday august 28

today i received an e-mail with an attached photo of two of my friends holding up a sign that reads: "luke is a bitch." the photograph was taken last december.

wednesday august 27

today i walked into a nearby meat shop on my lunch break. for the past six weeks or so, i'd assumed that their business was solely frozen meats and the like; an m & m's meat shop-esque store. upon entering, i was shocked to see that they featured an extensive menu of lunch items, including shawarmas, burgers, kabobs, and even ice cream!! it made me feel as if i'd been missing out on a gold mine of lunchtime opportunities over the weeks.

tuesday august 26

today i was going through my usual early-morning motions, which involve getting dressed as late as i can before leaving for work, so that i'm forced to wear 'work clothes' for as little time as possible. unfortunately, about four minutes before leaving, i realized that i had no ironed shirts. i found one that looked relatively free of wrinkles and hurriedly ran the iron over it a few times before throwing it in and heading out the door. for the rest of the day, whenever i looked down or in a mirror, i was irritated by a gigantic wrinkle on the right side of my chest that i'd missed in the 60-second iron job.

monday august 25

today i had a discussion with a friend about the origin of the wire nickname 'wee bey.' though it seemed that the most literal definition -- little boy -- was severely lacking in street cred, we theorized that perhaps it was one of those opposite-day things that street hustlers do, like how you call a fat guy 'little man.'

sunday august 24

today i came home from the bar a little before 3:00 am and excitedly turned on the spain/u.s.a gold medal men's basketball game. although i'd had a few beers and the game was poised to run well past 4:00 am, i felt confident i could stay up to watch the whole thing. through three quarters, i followed every basket, admiring rudy fernandez's three-point shooting and spain's ability to hang with the americans. then, all of the sudden, i woke up on the couch and realized new programming was getting underway on the television, as i'd slept through the entire fourth quarter and post-game coverage.

saturday august 23

today i spent a 15-minute bus ride behind quite possibly the five least likeable people in the world, as they 'accidentally' rang the bell for stops multiple times and spent a good five minutes explaining to each other why the question "if you were on a bus full of homos, would you get off?" was perfect because you were screwed no matter which way you answered it!! HA HA HA!

friday august 22

today i was preparing to write in the tip amount on my t.j. baxter's dinner bill when the waitress began making some particularly good small talk, after finding out we both went to london high schools. although i felt a nagging awareness of being manipulated, this nonetheless prompted me to write down an extra dollar on the tip than i otherwise would have.

thursday august 21

today i parked at a campus parking lot for my radio show, arriving at about 5:30 and paying for an hour's worth of parking. although our show runs until 6:30 and my validation was only good until 6:31, i was confident that i'd be down quickly enough to only be a couple minutes late, and there was no chance i'd be so unlucky to get a ticket in those two minutes. after the show ended, we spent an extra couple minutes at the station saying goodbyes (it was the last show my two friends would do) and, as were leaving, i joked that we couldn't be wasting any time, i only had until 6:31. about one minute after i made this joke (approximately 6:34 now), my car came into view, and i noticed two parking attendants inspecting the dashboard. i burst into a run and, at the last second, was able to get their attention and avoid being ticketed, now having learned never to take even those extra two minutes for granted. they're like hawks.

wednesday august 20

today i took my first and last sick day of the summer at work. after calling in sick, i began to think about all of the things i was going to do and accomplish during the day, now that i had at my disposal what amounted to basically a free 9 or 10 hours. upon excitedly brainstorming these ideas, i first decided to get a little more rest, and promptly proceeded to sleep through approximately the next 7 hours.

tuesday august 19

today i walked to the nearby little caesars on my lunch break to order a slice of pepperoni pizza. the little caesars run has become a staple of my work lunches; with few options in the area, and rarely enough time in the morning to actually bring my own lunch, i fall back on little caesars upwards of 3-4 times a week. this means that when i order a 'slice' and the employee of the day cuts a 'slice' from a full pizza, i know exactly which of those teenage employees give me three small slices of a regular pizza, and which ones stiff me and only give two. today, upon walking into the restaurant, i noticed that a new employee was behind the counter. i ordered my usual slice and eagerly awaited to see if he'd be a two guy or a three guy. upon taking my box from him, it felt full and heavy, and i was pleased to add another three-piece worker to the rotation. upon opening the box, however, i realized that this wasn't just any ordinary run-of-the-mill employee i was dealing with here: this dude gave me four slices. that's half a pizza!! i got a better bang for my buck buying a slice than i did buying an entire pizza!! from this day forward, i hope to see his sweet face on my lunch break as often as possible.

monday august 18

today i set multiple alarms to wake myself in the morning. it's something i've done before if i have reason to believe one just won't do the job, though i often don't do it when it counts. in this case, however, my decision was sound. after sleeping through one alarm, my emergency alarm clock went off. having always turned it off before it was needed in the past, i had no idea just how loud it was, and when it roared to life sounding like a bona-fide fire alarm or something, i awoke in a panic. the adrenaline rush from such an awakening, though initially quite irritating, probably helped me a little in surviving the day on only three hours sleep.

sunday august 17

today i was at a friend's place before going out to call the office, searching through tv stations in the hopes of finding something exciting to watch. my expectations were exceeded when i stumbled across the last 40 minutes of titanic, which entertains and bothers and affects me more every time i watch it. by the time celine dion wrapped things up in the final credits, i felt more depressed than i usually do before heading out for a fun night of partying.

saturday august 16

today i spent my bus ride downtown brainstorming a list of guidelines and rules to abide by during nights out. though the list is still in its formative stages, i'm very excited about what i'm tentatively calling the downtown manifesto, which i hope to unveil in time for the peak of drinking season (you know, back to school).

friday august 15

today i received the following card from my aunt, in commemoration of my impending move:

thursday august 14

today i drove directly from work to campus, for my usual thursday afternoon radio show. through a series of delays due to construction, traffic, a broken-down car, a poor decision or two and a detour or two, i managed to make it to the chrw studio precisely zero minutes earlier than i would've if i'd just taken the incredibly lengthy bus route there.

wednesday august 13

today i was standing in line at the westmount mall movie theatre waiting to buy tickets, when i saw two teenage dudes attempt to buy tickets for pineapple express. the girl at the box office asked for photo identification, the movie being rated 18a and these kids looking well under 18. after 15 or 20 seconds of obviously futile 'searching' they were unable to produce any id, and were turned away. though these kids didn't look particularly likable, the dejected manner in which they slunk away, embarrassed and with their evening plans thrown into disarray, made me feel pretty sorry for them.

tuesday august 12

today i saw a muscular, tattooed man in a tank top running along richmond street carrying a large plastic children's toy.

monday august 11

today i was walking to my bus stop before work, when i approached a lawn i pass every day. two or three times a week, its sprinklers are going full blast as i attempt to sneak by on the sidewalk. having now maneuvered through the jets of water for weeks now, i've become entirely accustomed to the routines they take, and the directions they rotate. as i walked along the sidewalk, past the sprinklers, without breaking stride or getting even a drop of water on me, i felt a little like i was link, in the legend of zelda, sneaking into the castle at the exact right time as the guards looked the other way.

sunday august 10

today i set my alarm for 8:58 am in order to wake up in time to watch the highly anticipated u.s.a vs. china game in men's olympic basketball. upon getting out of bed and flipping on the television, i was perturbed to see that i still had over an hour to go before it started, at 10:15 am. the fact that the game was eventually watched by, supposedly, over one billion people made me feel even sillier for not knowing when it started and losing out on an hour of potential sleep.

saturday august 9

today i secured a place to live in toronto; the lease begins september 1. the day is coming when those hoping for charming tales about the london transit system will have to visit some other blog.

friday august 8

today i slept through my alarm clock. when i woke up for the first time and looked at the clock, it read 8:24, a slightly concerning prospect, considering my work shift began at 8:30. after briefly considering calling in sick, i instead decided to bust it there as quickly as i could, getting ready and heading out the door in mere minutes, and eventually walking into the office at 8:50. i was prepared to offer heartfelt apologies and excuses and agree to work into my lunch break, and was therefore simultaneously offended and relieved when no one seemed to notice or care about my tardy arrival.

thursday august 7

today i brought a change of clothes with me to work, as per usual on thursdays, so that i'd be able to change out of my dress clothes and into something more comfortable (a t-shirt, jeans and normal socks) before doing my radio show. as i was finishing up his wardrobe change, i realized that i'd accidentally forgot to bring a belt for the jeans, and that my work belt was inappropriate not only stylistically but also due to its slightly-too-short length. this meant walking around beltless with slightly-too-baggy jeans, which was just uncomfortable enough to put me in a bad mood and force me to go home earier than i intended.

wednesday august 6

today i received a distraught text message from a future roommate, bemoaning the fact that the competition at an open house for a 3-bedroom place in toronto was so intense that a middle-aged married couple was there to see it. two minutes later, i received another text, explaining with relief and embarrassment that they were actually just someone's parents.

tuesday august 5

today i experienced the highlight of my work day when i visited the office bathroom in the morning for the first time and noticed that the long weekend had brought brand-new urinal cakes. the solid hockey-puck-shaped foam cakes represented a gigantic upgrade over the previous worn-down ones that had deteriorated into multiple ugly pieces. the best part, however, was that, in between my frequent bathroom breaks, i'd constantly forget about the bathroom's new 'decor', and would repeatedly be pleasantly surprised upon seeing them again. it really put a hop in my step for most of the day.

monday august 4

today i dreamed that my grandmother got thrown in prison for illegally downloading mp3s online. she doesn't even know how to use a computer!!!!!

sunday august 3

today i decided to drive to the bank to withdraw some money. since it's only about a two and a half minute drive from my house, i figured i could get by without bringing a cd, and turned on the radio instead. though i was able to find a decent song (nelly furtado's "maneater") on the way there, the drive home turned disastrous when i got back in the car and a nickelback song was playing. after running through nearly every station on the dial, i finally came across gary numan's "cars," an ideal song for driving!! sadly, i only caught the last eight seconds or so, and was immediately informed by the dj that nickelback was coming up next, prompting me to turn off the radio and vow to bring a cd next time, even if i was just driving to my next-door neighbour's house.

saturday august 2

today i played against my brother in game 3 of our best of 7 series of one-on-one basketball. playing to 25 points, and with the score tied at 24, i made a long jump shot right in his grill with a hand in my face, hitting nothing but net. it was a wonderful moment and made me feel like michael jordan, even though my brother is the one with his name.

friday august 1

today i was asked for the first time in my life if i had any children, by an overly friendly cab driver. it was rather sobering.

thursday july 31

today i went to the wick for the primary purpose of seeing a friend's band play, then proceeded to leave the bar to get food just as they were taking the stage, thereby missing nearly all of their set.

wednesday july 30

today i came closer to tearing up while reading a blogger's descriptions of certain emotionally affecting moments on the wire than i did while actually watching them.

tuesday july 29

today i was at work and listening to my ipod, as usual, when my supervisor stopped by my cubicle. out of politeness, i paused my music as i took off my headphones, and, upon doing so, was dismayed to realize that i'd been listening to "little girl" by syndicate of sound, a fact now prominently displayed on the lit-up display screen. while, on its own, this would be no cause for concern, it happened to be the second time within the last week that my supervisor's visits had caused me to pause my ipod while listening to a track called "little girl," the first time occurring while i was listening to death from above 1979. instinctively, i became vaguely worried that this bizarre coincidence was suggesting to her a predilection that does not exist.

monday july 28

today i watched as a bus pulled up to the temporary stop at queens and richmond. the 'stop' practically takes up half the block, which always makes it a guessing game, figuring out where the bus will actually pull up. in this case, the bus drove past most of the people waiting and stopped right at the intersection. a man who had been waiting for this bus and seemed significantly physically handicapped had been standing further up the block and now slowly tried to limp towards where the bus was unloading and loading passengers. he did not, however, make it there quickly enough, and the bus pulled away as he yelled at it out in frustration, still a good 20 or 25 feet from making it to the door. though presumably unintentional, this display was perhaps the most stunningly cruel i've witnessed in my ten years of taking and observing london transit.

sunday july 27

today i was walking down the sidewalk near my street with my headphones on when i approached an middle-aged woman walking towards me. now, an interesting dynamic arises in the suburbs when passing people on the sidewalk: whereas in busier areas, people will pass one another nonchalantly without even considering saying anything, friendly greetings are far more common in less frequented areas in the city, usually occurring with over 50% of passers-by. with my ipod playing, this percentage diminishes considerably, and i keep it in my pocket on hold, so there's no chance to push pause to ensure that a "hello" and smile happens. as such, in these scenarios, i find myself looking for eye contact. if i get it, i nod and smile. if i see lips move, i say "hello." the formula is foolproof, except in this particular instance. just as i approached the area where i typically get eye contact, i stepped out of the shadows and into the sunlight, the sun shining directly in the eyes and preventing me from making out anything but the shadowy shape of the woman's face. flustered, i attempted to nod, smile, and say "hello" all at once, before realizing that she wasn't even looking at me.

saturday july 26

today i was walking through ikea when i saw a father smack his child in the chest and shout "do you hear me now?! i don't care who's watching!"

friday july 25

today i noticed, for the first time, that there is an adult novelty & video store directly across the road from my office building. for the rest of the day, pretty much all i could think about was how realistic it would be to recreate the dildo-hiding scene from the u.k. version of the office.

thursday july 24

today i was called upon on short notice to host the weekly radio show i take part in. about a half-hour before going on the air, i joked to a friend that whenever i had to host the show, i always felt like i was going to screw something up, like forgetting to turn on the mics for the duration of the show. a half-hour later, i successfully turned on the mics. i did not, however, turn their volume above 'zero' for the first 45 seconds or so of the show.

wednesday july 23

today i saw a man fall off his motorcycle, from a standstill. the motorcycle just fell over in the middle of the street and down he went with it. embarrassing.

tuesday july 22

today i heard the tail end of a conversation in which a coworker referred to someone as "raunchy at best." for the next two minutes, i debated internally whether the tone of her voice suggested that:

a) the statement was a criticism of the subject's personality, with raunchiness being a negative attribute and "at best" being a generous qualifier

or

b) the subject was aiming for controversial or shocking -- think howard stern -- but merely achieved, at best, raunchy.

monday july 21

today i walked down the street on my lunch break to grab a slice of pizza from a nearby little caesars. it's about a six minute walk. during approximately the fifth minute, a few raindrops began to fall; concerning. after i ordered my pizza, however, it really began to come down. thus, a series of bad decisions that began with my leaving work without an umbrella continued on, eventually seeing me run back into the doors of my office building drenched in water, with soggy pizza in my hand. it cleared up 10 minutes later.

sunday july 20

today i arrived home after being out overnight to find people asleep on the floor, a couch, and two different beds in my house.

saturday july 19

today i went to see the dark knight with a friend. all day -- all week, really -- we'd been planning our attack strategy for when and where to see it, how early to get there so that we wouldn't have to worry about a sellout and so on. when we arrived at the theatre a mere 15 minutes before showtime, i anticipated the worst, and didn't know whether to be relieved and disappointed when we bought tickets with no problem and had the opportunity to sit basically anywhere we wanted.

friday july 18

today i arrived home from work to find my newly-ordered macbook awaiting me. excitedly, i opened it up and began setting it up and attempting to figure out how to use it. having used computers all my life, i anticipated that i'd learn its nuances in about two seconds, and was slightly discouraged when, by the end of the night, i'd still barely learned how to navigate between multiple windows. apparently i need some sort of comprehensive how-to guide to figure out macs.

thursday july 17

today i left work early in order to catch the 10-wonderland bus that gets me to campus in time to do the 6:00 radio show at chrw. although i left work four minutes earlier, i still arrived at the bus stop just as the bus was leaving! a close call! later in the ride, the route was slowed down by heavy traffic on southdale, backed up due to a car accident. the universe was trying really hard not to let me make the show on time! finally, the universe prevailed; as the bus was pulling out of westmount mall, a passenger shuffled up to the front of the bus and vomited, aiming for the garbage can but mostly missing. for some reason, after kicking him off, the driver then kicked everyone else off, holding out for a cleaner bus, making everyone else wait for the next one, and ensuring that i wouldn't make it to campus until well after 6:00.

wednesday july 16

today i was at work when i passed by a sign-up sheet for an upcoming potluck event, in honour of an employee who recently became a mother. the potluck takes place at lunch on a work day, making it easy for me to sign up, but of course i hadn't. looking at the list of what people were planning to bring, however, i began to get very hungry and wonder what i could bring that would be sufficient enough to allow me access to all the other food, or if, with all of this stuff on the list, anyone would even notice if i didn't bring anything.

tuesday july 15

today i woke up after a surprise night of drinking, unable to remember post-bar events. since i'd gone out directly from work, having left my work clothes in a backpack at a friend's house before going to the bar, i became convinced that i didn't bring this bag home. while this would normally be no big deal, my only pair of dress shoes was in the backpack. as such, i spent the duration of my early-morning shower concernedly worrying about what i was going to wear to work on my feet, or if i'd have enough time to make it downtown before work to pick up the shoes. when i finally got out of the shower, my stress was heavily alleviated, as i noticed my backpack sitting just inside the front door. while i, of course, had brought it home myself, my complete lack of memory made it seem as if some sort of guardian angel had returned it for me overnight.

monday july 14

today i watched the mlb home run derby at a bar for the first time ever. this experience, sans audio, prevented me from hearing chris berman's "back back back back back back back" calls, something i was very thankful for, but also meant that i missed hearing chase utley drop an f-bomb on the yankee stadium fans, which was sort of a bummer.

sunday july 13

today i went to the beach at port franks for the afternoon. on our way out, we decided that a drink and some food (maybe nachos?) would be a nice thing, so we stopped at the nearby bar and grill, 'christine's.' what we witnessed here was a surreal scene that erin suggested was straight out of a mighty wind. a band of middle-agers plowed through folk covers of mostly old, mostly campy songs, while the patio crowd (who all seemed to know one another) ate it up. children danced. adults danced. the band exchanged banter that seemed scripted ("okay, we're going to let the pretty one sing this next song," one member announces, speaking, of course, of the lone woman in the group; "but i just sang one!" interjects one of the other male members; laughs abound). personal space was eschewed in favour of group camaraderie, as adults and children alike sat next to me at our table, which was admittedly prime real estate for a good view of the band.

the following poster, depicting this band, was hung above the sink in the men's washroom of christine's. it is now sitting on my desk:



the most important thing to note here is that the poster advertises for a date so far in the future, indicating that this is a band whose performances ought to be preceded by months of hype and anticipation.

the entire experience was one of the highlights of my summer to date.

saturday july 12

today i talked to someone about the bar molly bloom's. however, for the life of her, she could not seem to say the bar's name correctly, repeatedly saying what sounded like "molly booms" even after acknowledging that she always said the name wrong and after i said it correctly more than once. it was an amazing thing to witness.

friday july 11

today i was prompted by a recent compliment in the comment section of one of my blog entries here to revisit the comments i've accumulated to date in an attempt to make a header banner that included movie-trailer-esque hooks. i anticipate that the result will boost my ego on days when i'm feeling a little down.

thursday july 10

today i was riding the bus across the city at around 5:30, a typically busy time of day, of course, for traffic. one black girl sitting near me assured a friend next to her that if she thought this was bad, she should see "rush hour in africa." i originally mistook the phrase to mean a jackie chan and chris tucker movie that i hadn't seen, before realizing that she, in fact, meant it quite literally.

wednesday july 9

today i picked up an in touch magazine from our staff lunch room and began reading it. i was about five minutes and 20 pages in, when i realized that a photo shoot i was looking at, of cameron diaz and ashton kutcher horsing around on the set of what happens in vegas (caption: "what would demi think?!") seemed awfully dated. i flipped back to the front cover and read the issue's date: september 24, 2007. the fact that it took me 20 pages to realize the 9+ month discrepancy made me think that i pretty much epitomize the antithesis of the magazine's title.

tuesday july 8

today i attempted to order a new macbook computer using the apple website. the process was slightly lengthy and arduous, and my firefox browser and the entire computer crashed multiple times in the process, as if attempting to save their asses by preventing me from replacing them.

monday july 7

today i was standing at riverside and wonderland at around 7:50, waiting to catch the 10-wonderland bus to work. as it finally approached, i stepped up expectantly, and was disturbed to see the bus drive right on past without stopping to pick me up. too full! convinced that they must have a backup bus coming, with such an overload of passengers, i waited patiently. and kept waiting for another half hour until the next bus came. over the course of this half hour, the hypothetical speeches i'd deliver on the phone when i angrily called london transit grew in intensity, though by the time i arrived at work and no one seemed to really care that i was 15 minutes late, this anger had abated considerably.

sunday july 6

today i experienced my lowest point of the weekend while browsing electronics boutique at the mall for potentially fun multiplayer gamecube games to bring with me when i move. i happened upon a used copy of mario kart: double dash!!, the one i'd secretly been hoping to find, only to take it to the counter to purchase and being told that, while the box is indeed available on the display, the game itself is missing. tony hawk's pro skater 4 was a sad consolation prize.

saturday july 5

today i stepped onto the 5-springbank bus in the evening, and was immediately requested to do something by the driver. not quite hearing what she'd said (except the word "window"), and only seeing her gesture towards what seemed to be the front window, i asked her to repeat herself. "open some windows on your way back," she repeated cheerfully. "just grab 'em and yank 'em as you go by." this was a troubling request, though the bus did seem slightly stuffy. generally speaking, when i'm sitting on the bus, i carefully measure how and when i open the windows, making absolutely sure that i'm going to do it right, rather than sitting there pulling on the window and having it not open, while the rest of the bus snickers quietly to themselves and assumes i'm a little weakling. making matters worse in this scenario was the fact that not only was i holding a six-pack of beer in one hand, but there were also people sitting in the seats below the windows i was meant to open. walking towards the back of the bus, i was able to lean past one woman not too awkwardly and pull open the first window. as i made my way towards the second window though, the bus lurched into motion. faced with the prospect of maneuvering my way to the window on a moving bus while leaning over another woman who was sitting on the aisle seat, i decided that one window was enough. i shot a glance back at the driver to ensure that she wasn't watching me, holding me to her request, and quickly made my way to an empty seat. upon sitting down, i was pleased to feel a slight draft from the lone open window.

friday july 4

today i was passing through the salt lounge, looking for friends who were supposed to be there. the building was mostly empty, with only about three or four people standing near the stage, despite the fact that a band was about to start. as i passed by the stage, the singer attempted to get me to stop and watch them his band, by yelling, "hey! people walking!" mortified at being called out so publicly, i briskly kept walking without acknowledging the pleas, feigning obliviousness.

thursday july 3

today i reached for my wallet at approximately 4:00 pm and was dismayed when i realized it wasn't there. i initially concluded that it had either been stolen or that i'd lost it, since these possibilities seemed more likely than my just forgetting it, though this was, in fact, what happened. despite the fact that it had taken me over eight hours to notice its absence, and that i didn't even need to use it for anything, this put me in a grumpy mood for the rest of the day. i hate being walletless while out in public.

wednesday july 2

today i began a new job. nine to five, dolly parton hours. five days a week. i dress nice. i'm almost like a real person. i was initially worried that this newly full schedule would affect this blog, but don't worry faithful readers, i may be even tardier than usual, but not even working full time could suppress my passion to blog.

tuesday july 1

today i spent about five minutes attempting to navigate my way through an ikea catalogue before finally giving up, conceding that, while my internet prowess is extensive, i don't really know my way around print catalogues.

monday june 30

today i dreamed that i was in the back seat of a car with a friend at the wheel, when suddenly a questionable choice in driving judgment led us to plunging into a not-quite-frozen lake. the panic i felt when faced with the prospect of escaping from the car before it sunk into the frozen depths will probably be unconsciously remembered, whether unfairly or not, whenever i'm eventually faced with the real-life prospect of being driven somewhere by this friend.

sunday june 29

today i was shown a book entitled why cats paint: a theory of feline aesthetics. while my feelings on the book were mixed, i couldn't help but admire the wonderful title, which operates under the assumption that its reader has already seen plenty of cats painting -- just a common everyday thing of life -- and merely wants to further understand their motivation and inspiration.

saturday june 28

today i was sitting on a bench near hess village in hamilton when a car drove past me with a mattress sitting on its roof. the mattress was not held down by any ropes or straps, but merely held in place by the driver, who had one arm out the window grabbing the mattress while he used the other to steer the vehicle.

friday june 27

today i arrived at the blue jays game at rogers centre in the middle of the second inning and left in the eighth inning. this marked the first time i'd ever gone to a game and either arrived late or left early. i attempted to salvage my standing as a genuine baseball fan late in the game by not participating in 'the wave.'

thursday june 26

today i was caught in what appeared to be the day's only downpour. the two minute walk from alumni hall to ucc left me so unbelievably wet that i don't think it would've been any worse had i literally jumped into a pool while wearing all my clothes. the two-minute soaking didn't completely dry for over four hours.

wednesday june 25

today i had a tobias funke moment when, in lieu of sweeping our porch and deck and garage, i armed myself with the electric blower, and vowed that everything would "get blown."

tuesday june 24

today i read the following anecdote in the 'campus comedy' section of the most recent issue of reader's digest:

when our daughter, carolyn, was in university, my husband called her frequently to make sure she was all right. he liked to phone on saturday night because it was "date night."

one saturday, at about 10:45 pm, he called her room and was relieved when she picked up the phone. "oh honey," he said, "i'm so glad you're back in your dorm."

"dad," replied carolyn, "i'm just getting ready to go out!"

the idea that this anecdote was supposed to be in any way comedic confirmed my continuing suspicion that i am not part of reader's digest's target audience.

monday june 23

today i was asked by my mother if my brother's facebook profile photo looked particularly gay to me.