saturday january 19

today i was halfheartedly browsing through the program listings on my television when i came across a show called 'ultimate super herpes' which made me do a double take. before i had enough time to ponder how a show could spend a half-hour on such a subject, i realized that the listing, in fact, said 'ultimate super heroes.'

friday january 18

today i ate a slice of pizza with a knife and fork, cutting it into pieces so small that it took nearly ten minutes to eat it.

thursday january 17

today i underwent gingival augmentation surgery. while i experienced some soreness and discomfort in my mouth for the remainder of the day, the most painful moment occurred when i took off the piece of cotton taped down with some sort of super-tape to my left hand. i don't think there are any hairs left on the back of the hand.

wednesday january 16

today i stayed awake much later than usual in order to postpone my wake-up time tomorrow by a few hours, to prepare for my 2:00pm surgery. unable to eat or drink for the six hours preceding the procedure, i felt that the best way to deal with this period of abstinence would be to sleep through it.

tuesday january 15

today i repeatedly urged people to touch my hands to see how soft they were (without using any product!).

monday january 14

today i was finally prompted to make an ongoing record of songs that i've listened to for years, loving them every time and never getting sick of them. the inspiration for this list was no "like a rolling stone" or "satisfaction", but rather jay-z's "girls, girls, girls.'

sunday january 13

today i rooted hard, for the first time ever, for a particular team in a sporting event just so that i wouldn't look like an idiot based on the prediction i'd made on the radio days earlier.

saturday january 12

today i managed to watch nearly three quarters of an nfl game on television in a house full of girls.

friday january 11

today i was walking into the beer store when i heard someone in the parking lot yelling frantically, "start the car!! i just robbed them blind!"

thursday january 10

today i awoke to the sound of my alarm clock beeping, groggily stumbled out of bed, and began to 'start my day.' after taking a couple minutes to officially 'wake up' it occurred to me that i had no reason to be awake so early, and the alarm that i had so routinely obeyed was meant for the day before, and i'd just forgot to reset it.

wednesday january 9

today i was approached by a girl at the alex p. keaton who suggested that i looked familiar and that she had given me a ride home once before. while i had no recollection of such an event, i attempted to go along with it as best i could, which, combined with the tendency of interior alex p's to drown out 40% of everything you say, made for a very confusing and awkward conversation. it went so badly that at multiple points later on in the night, well after the conversation had, in fact, ended, she said "fuck you, luke" as she passed by me.

tuesday january 8

today i returned to class for the first time since early december. at one point, while taking notes, i wrote a word i wasn't quite sure how to spell, and, having grown accustomed to only making words while typing on the internet, i instinctively expected firefox's spell check to kick in and a solid red line to appear under the word as soon as i finished writing it.

monday january 7

today i woke up with a sore neck.

sunday january 6

today i slept on my new pillow for the first time. it was given to me by my mother as a gift a day earlier, since she apparently felt that my old pillow's gradual transformation from white to yellow was unhealthy. i am very particular about my pillows and my old pillow was perfect in its thinness. this new pillow is a fattie. while wrapping my pillowcase around it, i literally exclaimed aloud, "what a load," despite the fact that no one else was around. while i'm not entirely pleased with its size, the pillow didn't leave my neck sore after one night, so i'm willing to give it a fair chance.

saturday january 5

today i was walking to the alex p. keaton with some friends, playfully throwing snowballs at one another on the way there. towards the end of the walk, an elderly woman walking her dog, standing on the opposite sidewalk, took exception to an errant throw that landed approximately 25 feet from her. "you stupid asshole!" she yelled. "you must reaaaaaally be an asshole!" unimpressed with her sour demeanor, we threw the next snowball in her direction intentionally.

friday january 4

today i was home by myself for most of the day. the phone rang a few times and, with the benefit of call display, i was able to determine that it was never for me, and let it go to the answering machine each time. when i finally got around to checking these messages, at approximately 3:00 pm, there was one from the veterinarian's office, saying that they had to do emergency surgery that afternoon, and asking if we could move jessie the dog's appointment up from 4:00 to 2:40. having acted too late to make this change, i decided that the best move would be to not call back and then not tell my dad and brother about the message, when they took jessie to the 4:00 appointment. luckily, the appointment went without a hitch, as planned, and my guilt was alleviated!

thursday january 3

today i visited local pub 'the oxford arms' for the first time, and was so charmed by the genuine british accent of our server that i tipped her a dollar more than i otherwise would have.

wednesday january 2

today i woke up at 3:45 am, having already slept for nearly nine hours. while i wasn't tired when i awoke, an hour of aimless internet surfing and a distinct lack of people to talk to on msn left me feeling tired again by 5:00 am, prompting me to sleep nearly five more hours. the 13 and a half hours of sleep i got on the night as a whole represented the most i've had a single night since probably early high school. i love winter break!!

tuesday january 1

today i dreamed that i was watching golf on television, something so boring that i never actually do it while i'm awake, marking the second time in the last month that i've had a dream about being really bored by watching sports.

monday december 31

today i decided with 95% certainty in the afternoon that i would be staying in for new year's, then ended up going out until 5:00 am.