sunday december 30

today i turned onto a side street in my neighbourhood, and saw, about a block ahead of me, four children playing in the street. when they saw my headlights pointed at them, they immediately sprung into action; three of the kids jumped away from the road and hid behind snowbanks near the sidewalk (two on one side, one on the other), while the last of the four held his ground in the middle of the street and pointed his fingers at my oncoming car as if he was shooting a gun. it was quite thrilling and felt very briefly like i was in a movie.

saturday december 29

today i passed by the eastern star temple. i glanced at the outdoor sign and noticed that the plastic covering for it had been hit with some serious vandalism. though i couldn't see if something was written there, or if it was just one of those 'tags', i was still able to read the sign itself, which said: "the morons who did this are a waste of skin."

friday december 28

today i felt more festive than i had during any day before and including christmas itself, when i ate mint m&m's and drank candy cane flavoured hot chocolate while watching the extras christmas special.

thursday december 27

today i dreamed that i was playing a game of scrabble against someone and becoming infuriated because they kept putting roman numerals with lots of x's, v's, i's, and some letters that i don't think are actually roman numerals at all on the triple word scores.

wednesday december 26

today i skipped a day.

tuesday december 25

today i played euchre with my family and was talking a lot of smack. this went generally unreciprocated until, after i noted once again how amazing i was at the game, my mom commented: "well, at least you're good at something." ultimate burn.

monday december 24

today i had the following exchange with my brother:

him: "do you ever think what it would be like if we had a sister?"
me: "sometimes i feel like we do have one... jessie." (important ed. note: jessie is the name of our dog).
him (incredulous, laughing, sarcastic): "oh yeah, she's really someone you can talk to."
me: "what, just because she doesn't talk back??"
him: "... i guess that's the end of this conversation."

sunday december 23

today i saw a van driving along fanshawe park road with a license plate that appeared to read: "rape." as i got closer, i realised that it, in fact, read "fape." for a brief moment though, my mind sketched a quick image of what someone with the license plate "rape" might look like, concluding that the only plausible explanation would be if the driver was a hardcore environmentalist who was determined to have his anti-auto emissions message heard.

saturday december 22

today i was eating dinner with my family when my mother asked something to the effect of "is it supposed to rain tomorrow?" instinctively, having listened to the remix of fat joe's "make it rain" far too much as of late, i was overcome with the urge to blurt out "i make it rain on 'dem hoes" but stopped myself at the last second.

friday december 21

today i compiled a 24-page comprehensive guide to my dvd collection for my brother (christmas present!), so that he'll never again have to ask for a recommendation for watching in a specific situation. until i buy more dvds, at least.

thursday december 20

today i went to campus to do my weekly radio show. i arrived early, coming straight from another appointment, and was shocked to find that campus was a bona-fide ghost town. looking to kill time, i was unable to find the latest copy of the gazette to browse (the stands were all empty), unable to grab a bite to eat (everything was closed), and unable to even hang out in weldon library (also closed)! left with no other options, i sat silently and played with my phone until my fellow radio participants arrived.

wednesday december 19

today i went to my periodontist to get a couple of x-rays done, in preparation for my impending oral surgery. during this x-ray process, i had such a hard time sufficiently opening my mouth, which was still recovering from strep-related soreness, that the periodontal assistant briefly mulled using the 'kids size' mouth device, immediately prompting me to fight through the pain and open wide enough.

tuesday december 18

today i turned down meeting up with friends to go to the bar in favour of drinking by myself in a freezing house, and watching back to back episodes of a shot of love with tila tequila.

monday december 17

today i was eating some tostitos with salsa when i had a nice combination of the two for one particular bite. i prepared to dig into it, and brought my teeth together for a big bite, but much to my dismay, the tostito was positioned awkwardly in my mouth, and a sharp corner of it dug into the gum behind my upper front teeth. this was the most painful experience i'd had eating anything for a while, and i spent the next five minutes worriedly running my tongue over that area of my mouth, wondering if i'd impaled myself with the tostito and it had stuck in there deeply. it hadn't. as far as i know.

sunday december 16

today i saw my empire extend.

saturday december 15

today i went to a party. it was my first 'outing' for a while, since contracting strep throat. and while i was pretty sure i was no longer contagious, i was still a little self-conscious about it. this made it awkward when, at one point, i reached for my empty glass to get a water refill and found that it was gone. it's possible that one of the hosts just took it out of the way upon seeing i was finished, but, in my mind, far more likely that another partygoer mistook it for his glass and refilled it for himself, then drank from the same glass as me. oops!

friday december 14

today i resorted to dumping out my bottle of penicillin and counting the individual tablets, then backtracking my daily totals, to figure out how many i'd taken so far in the day, and whether or not i was due to take another.

thursday december 13

today i became so bored from days of sitting around doing nothing while i recovered from strep throat that, when baseball's mitchell report was released at 2:00 pm, i began to read the 400+ page document, rather than just waiting an hour or so for news outlets to summarize the interesting bits.

wednesday december 12

today i turned off the season finale of america's next top model halfway through, after i became so invested in a specific contestant's winning that her elimination in third place made me lose all interest in the outcome of the rest of the episode.

tuesday december 11

today i spent upwards of 50 minutes in a car, driving back and forth across the city for a doctor's appointment which took approximately three minutes.

monday december 10

today i was picking up a 12-pack of alexander keith's beer from the beer store. the girl behind the counter suggested that i get the special deal that includes three additional bottles of keith's red for only 30 more cents. 10 cent beers! however, i was already feeling so weak and dreading the prospect of carrying the 12-pack for multiple blocks, that i declined the offer, since i didn't want to deal with carrying 15 instead.

sunday december 9

today i was apparently so excited to watch the afternoon nfl game between the steelers and patriots that i dreamed about new england overnight. not anything special, like hangin' out and pickin' up chicks with them or anything. just watching them on tv. the first play was a two-yard run, the second play was a six-yard pass to randy moss. the third play was a run for a first down that got called back for a logan mankins holding penalty. given the fact that the patriots were, generally speaking, much more efficient offensively during the real game, i wasn't all that pleased with this dream. boring.

saturday december 8

today i made ten dollars an hour for a few hours of painting, leaving me with a bit of an achy arm from holding the paint can, and a slightly sore back. later in the day, i made more than the painting gig had netted for a single hour of relatively routine computer troubleshooting, reminding me again why not to pursue a life of physical labour.

friday december 7

today i was standing outside a bar with friends, debating whether or not to enter it, or go to another bar. when we finally arrived at a consensus to keep moving, one of the two middle-aged patrons of the bar, who were outside smoking, audibly muttered: "thank god."

thursday december 6

today i found a lump on the back of my neck. my mother insisted that it was nothing to be worried about, and didn't find it very funny when i told her: "goodnight forever."

wednesday december 5

today i rubbed my eyes intensely and a shape materialized in the darkness of my eyelids that looked like a group of rice krispies. the surprising vision made me strongly crave a rice krispies square, something i haven't eaten for probably about two years.

tuesday december 4

today i approached the bus i was about to board, and noted with some dismay that it had parked itself right next to a snowdrift, making the front door nearly impossible to reach without wading through it. after attempting to carefully plan my approach to the door, i had to resort to the only option: stepping in the snowbank and drenching my jeans over halfway up to the knee. when i entered the bus, i expected the driver to apologize for the poorly planned entry point, or feign like he was about to move the bus up a bit to make for an easier entrance. instead, he disinterestedly exclaimed "oh you made it!" unimpressive.

monday december 3

today i watched the patriots/ravens monday night football game, and multiple times during the final quarter let out audible yells, shouts, and exclamations, despite the fact that i was watching the game by myself.

sunday december 2

today i shoveled the snow in my driveway. instinctively, in preparation for the grueling task, i made sure i was wearing a hood and gloves, and bundled myself up excessively. it was only later that i realized that the temperature was, in fact, above freezing, and by task's end i was sweating a lot.

saturday december 1

today i was walking along richmond street to a friend's house, listening to "wham city" by dan deacon. it was a really good music experience, but i thought to myself that it would be perfect if there was a little more snow falling. two and a half hours later, as i trudged through a blizzard wasteland to get to the bar, i truly understood the meaning of be careful what you wish for.

friday november 30

today i went into work so early that i finished my tasks and left before 9:00 am.

thursday november 29

today i was twice placed in positions where i debated picking something up off the ground. the first was on campus when i was walking outside and noticed a student card on the ground. the second was on the bus when i was sitting there on the ride home, and noticed, under the adjacent seat, a piece of paper covered in handwriting, potentially a really interesting note or something!! in both cases, i made the snap judgment that the effort would not be worth the potential reward, and ignored the fallen objects.

wednesday november 28

today i watched the following rap video:



the song is by birdman, featuring verses from rick ross, young jeezy, and lil' wayne, respectively. watching it made me wonder if the verses for rap songs like this one are organized in the same way that the legs of an olympian 4x100 relay team are. for instance, is lil' wayne given the last verse because he's the the 'anchor'? the 'donovan bailey' of the four (his performance in this particular song is surely not bailey-esque, but nonetheless)? does birdman consider himself the weakest of the four, hence his taking the second verse, or is he just being modest?

burning questions.

tuesday november 27

today i visited a (my?) periodontist for the second time ever. the first time i went, last october, the weather had turned cold for the first time of the fall, and i was left underdressed and waiting far too long for a bus that was supposed to arrive every 15 minutes. this time, i went prepared, wearing a sweater and winter jacket, but even still was relegated to the same situation! after just missing the bus, i walked to a bus shelter that was being hogged by a family, and had to endure a wind that must have been blowing at 200 miles per hour.

monday november 26

today i had an urge to listen to soundgarden's superunknown. while i hadn't listened to the album since approximately 2001, there were a good two years of my life where i considered it one of my "all-time favourites." i played it during a drive across the city in the evening, and was disappointed and a little surprised to find that the appeal of many of the songs i once considered awesome had diminished considerably, and i was left searching for the hook in, for instance, "fell on black days." a few, however, like the title track, still rocked pretty hard.

sunday november 25

today i became so invested in what was supposed to be a casual top five list of my all-time favourite episodes of the o.c. that i pulled out my dvds and watched four consecutive episodes.

saturday november 24

today i dreamed a conversation in which i joked and flirted with a recent acquaintance so extensively and comfortably that when i next talk to them in real life, i'll undoubtedly act like i know them better than i actually do.

friday november 23

today i implemented the concept of the nfl injury report into my social life (ie. listed as probable, questionable, doubtful, etc. for playing, or, in this case, going out). it immediately became my favourite 'sports = life' idea since a friend and i compared romantic relationship politics to baseball bullpens in the summer.

thursday november 22

today i ate three vitamin c supplement citrus candy drops because i had a sore throat and they were the only suitable replacements i could find in my house for cough lozenges.

wednesday november 21

today i played sonic the hedgehog 3 for the first time on a console in probably about a decade. my overwhelming inability to beat the final boss on launch base zone made me realize that i may never regain my middle school video game prowess.

tuesday november 20

today i was asked about two separate movies currently playing in theatres, and had never heard of either, despite my allegedly being a film major.

monday november 19

today i was walking in the neighbourhood around my house when i was suddenly overcome with a smell that i couldn't specifically identify, except to say that it smelled "like a mac's milk store."

sunday november 18

today i wore a hood for the entirety of my morning trip back home from downtown, even though it was rather balmy, for the sole purpose of hiding bed head the likes of which no one should ever expose in the public sphere.

saturday november 17

today i beeped so incessantly while being examined with a metal detector before entering a bar that eventually the bouncer just gave up, waved me in, and requested that i "please don't shoot up the place."

friday november 16

today i called a friend, and when the phone rang four or five times, assumed that they weren't answering and i was going to get a voice mail message. when the ringing ended and the voice on the other end of the phone said "hi," followed by a silence, i thought to myself, "what an odd voice mail message," before realizing that she had, in fact, answered the phone.

thursday november 15

today i was preparing to go on the radio, approximately eight minutes before the show was scheduled to begin. with both of my colleagues still conspicuously absent from the studio, i began to worry that they got held up and i'd be forced to quickly learn the soundboard controls and take over the half-hour show on my own. i was frantically attempting to think up topics of discussion to occupy the whole half hour when the other two walked in, with about seven minutes to spare.

wednesday november 14

today i was walking down the streets of toronto when i noticed a guy who bore a striking resemblance to dizzee rascal walking towards me. he seemed to be yelling something, and i tried not to make eye contact, for fear of being accosted, or at least trapped in an uncomfortable situation. as i got closer, however, i realized that he was wearing headphones and wasn't yelling, but rather was singing along to "crank dat soulja boy."

tuesday november 13

today i made my 365th entry in this blog. happy one year anniversary to myself!!

monday november 12

today i started an msn conversation with a friend, forgot what i was going to say by the time they replied, then by the end of the discussion, had agreed to go to toronto with them tomorrow.

sunday november 11

today i went into my mother's bookstore to work for a few hours. it was a sunday night and the store was closed, so i worked in peace by myself for some time, at the very back of the store. at around 10:00, i began to hear a noise in the background, loud enough that i heard it clearly even listening to music on my headphones! i walked to the front of the store and realized that they store's alarm was wailing loudly. unaware of the fact that the alarm resets itself at 10:00 and everyone needs to be out of the store, i naturally assumed that someone was breaking in, and ran towards the front door, adrenaline pumping. after turning off the alarm, and doing an apprehensive (but comprehensive) sweep of the store, i returned to work, now unable to enjoy the siren-like noises and effects in the knife's deep cuts like i previously had been.

saturday november 10

today i prepared my breakfast; i decided to have a bowl of cereal, a yogurt, and a raspberry pop tart. in the process of pouring the cereal, getting the milk out, grabbing a spoon, and all the rest, i completely forgot about the pop tart in the toaster. two hours later, passing by the kitchen, i noticed it sitting in the toaster, toasted to a crisp, though now cold. i ate it anyway.

friday november 9

today i went out for dinner with my grandparents. halfway through the meal, after commenting on the abnormally well behaved toddler at an adjacent table, my normally exceedingly polite and complimentary grandfather, noticing the toddler's overweight parents, exclaimed: "that kid's got a pretty good chance of being obese."

thursday november 8

today i wore my brand new winter coat for the first time. i'd had it on most of the day and was feeling pretty good about it, when, at approximately 5:45 pm, i noticed that the price tag was still attached to the back.

wednesday november 7

today i downloaded the new cam'ron mixtape. the files i downloaded were regrettably not sorted by track number, leaving me to figure out myself which of the two "intro" tracks belonged on disc 1 and which belonged on disc 2. i spent upwards of 10 minutes attempting to determine this.

tuesday november 6

today i ate pizza as one of my primary meals for the fourth consecutive day.

monday november 5

today i got on a bus to go home and held up my transfer for the driver to see. generally, i wait until i get some sort of nod or "yep" or other affirmative action before i tuck it away and head to the back of the bus -- at least eye contact! this time, however, the driver was looking in the other direction, and didn't even glance at my outstretched transfer even though i hesitated an extra second. instead, she said "didn't i just drop you off?" to, i assumed, the guy who got on the bus ahead of me. when he sat down without acknowledging her inquiry, i began to become increasingly convinced that the question was directed to me, hence the lack of interest in my transfer. for the record, my answer would have been: "no."

sunday november 4

today i engaged in a debate about the relative derogation of words such as 'bitch' and 'nigga.'

saturday november 3

today i spent money to see a show headlined by a band that i walked out early on, when i last saw them. i left halfway through their set again.

friday november 2

today i applied a skin cream to a couple of fingers on my left hand, where i've been experiencing some irritation. the cream is meant to be applied twice a day. approximately five minutes after doing this, i absentmindedly washed my hands, leaving me to wonder whether it would throw the whole cycle out of whack if: (a) i reapplied the cream, or (b) if i didn't.

thursday november 1

today i had an appointment with the eye doctor; the optometrist. though i felt entirely confident in my eyesight, despite having not visited the optometrist since 1997, i began to feel nervous in the minutes leading up to the eye exam. when the check-up itself began and the doctor began shining bright lights into my eyes, i found myself blinking incessantly, unable to stop, and worried that there was something fatally wrong with me. 15 minutes later, i found out that my eyesight is just as good as it was in 1997. whew!

wednesday october 31

today i left call the office briefly to visit a nearby atm to grab some money. on my way from the bar to the bank, i passed by a couple in the throes of anger. "you fucking cheated on me! my dad was dying and i needed you!" screamed the girl, pinning her partner against the outer wall of a building. pretending not to notice, i went about my business, walking up the block to the bank and gettin' that paper. on my walk back, i glanced towards the building to see if they were still there, and, sure enough, there they were, hugging and seemingly reconciled! halloween happy endings!

tuesday october 30

today i left an in-class essay slightly prematurely because i wanted to use the bus transfer that i acquired on the way to school on the way home as well, to avoid using a second bus ticket. the transfer's cutoff time was 4:45 pm. i successfully caught one bus, but the second one, which arrived at the transfer stop at 4:43, came two minutes early, leaving me to waste 20 minutes and a ticket, settling for the next one.

monday october 29

today i neglected to bring anything to eat for lunch to work. it was very early in the morning and i was running late and i figured that i could probably get away with skipping a meal; billions of people do it every day! many by choice! upon arriving to work and knowing that i had nothing to fall back on, however, i began thinking about food incessantly. by the time the clock had hit a mere 10:30 am, my stomach was racked with hunger pains, despite the fact that i usually haven't eaten breakfast at this hour, let alone lunch.

sunday october 28

today i spent upwards of two minutes thinking that there were 355 days in a year, when i noticed that my blog had 348 entries and was baffled at how i could be having my one year anniversary in only a week.

saturday october 27

today i jokingly suggested that for halloween i should set myself on fire and go as southern california, to which my brother replied: "i don't know about you sometimes."

friday october 26

today i was prompted to play my first online poker tournament in a while, after rereading a section or two of harrington on hold 'em (volume ii). i entered a tournament of 40 players and promptly placed first. reading teaches you things!

thursday october 25

today i sang "bohemian rhapsody" a cappella with a group of friends in an otherwise empty bar.

wednesday october 24

today i was about to get onto a bus holding my lone remaining bus ticket. as i stepped onto the bus, i thought about how unfortunate and embarrassing it would be if a gust of wind blew the ticket out of my hand and along the road -- with no change to spare and no extra ticket, i'd have to chase it! immediately after i thought this, my hand bumped against the side of the bus, knocking the ticket out of my hand and onto the bus floor. mortified at the possibility of the aforementioned scenario playing out, i quickly reached down and snatched it. in my rush, however, i didn't secure the ticket in my hand adequately, and as i went to put it in the ticket box, it fell out of my hand again. this prompted the bus driver to laugh and remark: "it just won't stay in your hand!!" while would-be passengers waited behind me to enter the bus.

tuesday october 23

today i sat for an hour in a booth in the ucc for 'purple shorts,' western's festival of one-act plays in which i'm participating. the goal of the booth-sitters was to inform inquisitive passersby about the event, but i was unsure exactly what to do if someone stopped briefly, checked out the poster, didn't say anything, then kept walking. this uncertainty nearly prompted me to ask: "like what you see?" to one passerby who studied the poster for a particularly long time.

monday october 22

today i had an extensive dream about the restaurant 'taco del mar' right before i woke up. in the dream, i waited in line for a while, was trash talked by some punks in the line, made my 'usual' order from an employee who knew me by name (i have been there once in my life), and then received a special shot of alcohol in my soft drink. the dreamed experience was so pleasant (besides the trash talking) that later in the day, i decided to head over to the actual restaurant for a late-night snack. upon arriving, i discovered it had just closed for the day. life is not a dream.

sunday october 21

today i spent over two hours on the radio airwaves, providing 'colour commentary' for game 2 of the oua baseball finals, despite the fact that i had previously never watched a university baseball game in my life.

saturday october 20

today i was using adjacent urinals with a fellow pandemic patron when he began talking about how he was far too drunk to be about to dj. i awkwardly asked "which one are you?" and when he replied "vndlsm," i told him i liked his mixtape.

friday october 19

today i attempted to liven up the monotonous task of labeling endless boxes of books by intermittently pretending that i was missing my index finger, and not using it at all during the process. while it slowed my work down slightly, the overwhelming solidarity that i felt with the disabled made it a worthwhile experiment.

thursday october 18

today i awoke from an intensely real dream with tears on my face because i was convinced that a close friend had died.

wednesday october 17

today i elected to sleep on a couch that would scarcely be big enough to sleep a man half my size, simply because the prospect of unfolding and refolding a futon seemed overwhelming.

tuesday october 16

today i participated in my first official 'rehearsal' of any kind since i was in my high school band in the ninth grade (and even then, i think we referred to it as "band practice").

monday october 15

today i attempted to slice open the binding surrounding a pile of magazines with a knife, but the binding was resilient. i unsuccessfully made two quick attempts, and then missed with the third one, instead slicing part of my thumb and thumbnail. after stopping the bleeding, i switched to scissors, with more success.

sunday october 14

today i was handed a shot at a bar and immediately drank it without ever finding out what exactly it was. for all i know, i could have been drinking liquid rohypnol.

saturday october 13

today i looked, for the first time in a while, at the statistics for this blog's traffic, as provided by 'google analytics.' according to these stats, the site has received 147 visits via search engine keywords in the last month. the breakdown of these keywords reads as follows:

1. 'one thing i did today': 145
2. 'canada wonderland number of deaths at the park': 1
3. 'luke forehand': 1

i'm still unsure whether google analytics can be wholly trusted.

friday october 12

today i dreamed that i was playing mini golf with tiger woods, who, after being caught attempting to cheat, shot a double-bogey on the first hole.

thursday october 11

today i discovered, after four years at western, that each student is provided with webspace upon registering with the university. i then activated it and used it for the first time.

wednesday october 10

today i had, within the span of approximately 20 minutes, three separate people whose names i did not know approach me and tell me that either we'd met before or they knew who i was.

tuesday october 9

today i was riding the last 17-oxford west bus of the day towards downtown, along with two other people, when the driver suddenly killed all the lights in the bus and yelled "look outside!" outside there were four deer chilling on the grass just past the sidewalk.

monday october 8

today i visited my grandmother in the hospital. upon arriving, i had to lift a chair in the corner of the room over to a spot beside her bed, and, in doing so, knocked it against her i.v. and experienced a terrifying split second in which i thought i'd inadvertently euthanized her.

sunday october 7

today i traded phone numbers with a friend, primarily so that we could hang out more in hopes that it would increase his chances of his making an appearance in this very blog.

saturday october 6

today i received an excess of complimentary alexander keith's t-shirts, in celebration of his 212th birthday, simply for ordering his beer.

friday october 5

today i received the following voice mail on a cellphone number that i've given out to a scant few people:

"hello luke adams, my name is corey brooks. your number has been provided by chad burgess. my phone number is [866 phone number]. i'm not certain at this stage exactly to what level or extent you are associated with this matter. can you please return a call to me. better yet, if you can copy this message to chad to contact me. thank you very much, have a good day."

i have never heard of a chad burgess or corey brooks in my life.

thursday october 4

today i dreamed that i was on a basketball team. my team was playing a game that had just entered its fourth overtime! i'd been injured, or otherwise sidelined, for the last few overtime periods, and was excited to return for this one and propel my team to victory. it was at this point that i woke up. i quickly closed my eyes again and attempted to will myself back to sleep so that i could see how the game turned out, but to no avail.

wednesday october 3

today i agreed to act in a friend's play later this month, despite a history of stage fright, solely because the character i'm to play is described as "awkward" and "nervous" and i feel like i can bring these traits to the role naturally through 'method acting.'

tuesday october 2

today i saw two advertisements alongside one another on the bus. the first, an advertisement for continuing esl education, read: "want to learn english? we can help!" the second, a credit counseling advertisement that clearly hadn't taken the first up on its offer, read: "crunch your numbers not your dignity."

monday october 1

today i watched the best baseball game i've seen since october of 2004.

sunday september 30

today i turned down a social invitation i would otherwise have accepted because i've become so accustomed to a sunday routine of not showering and lounging around my home all day watching sports.

saturday september 29

today i attempted to buy two beers at the bar. when i requested the first, i was informed that that particular brand was 'frozen' and made to order another brand. when i attempted to pay for the second, i was asked if i had any change smaller than a $20 bill. i did not. since the girl running the beer cart also did not, she reluctantly handed my money back to me and gave me the beer for free.

friday september 28

today i made probably the most frustrating phone call to a pizza place of my lifetime, during which my order-taker misunderstood literally every sentence i spoke, as if someone had dared him to feign a hearing problem over the course of the conversation. this led to my nearly ordering "two whole wheats" instead of "two panzerottis" and him nearly writing my name down as "paddins" rather than "adams."

thursday september 27

today i was again riding the 17-oxford west bus home. i sat down and immediately the man next to me asked me how i was doing. "i'm doing all right," i replied warily. but he was unsatisfied with this response. "how are you really doing!" he exclaimed, to which i replied: "still good!" before attempting to ignore him for the rest of my ride. this strategy worked for approximately five minutes, at which point i heard him mutter: "i believe!" i pretended not to notice, but seconds later, he turned to me and, deadly serious, asked: "do you believe?" unable to feign unawareness, i turned and said somewhat disinterestedly: "believe what?" to which he angrily repeated, "i said: do you believe?!" not quite comprehending the question, i hesitated a second, during which time he lost interest in our conversation and looked off in the other direction before exiting the bus shortly thereafter. it was not my most rewarding discussion of the day.

wednesday september 26

today i was on the 17-oxford west bus, just entering byron on my way home, when a girl sitting nearby asked me if we were approaching richmond street soon. struggling slightly to keep a straight face, i told her that richmond was, in fact, where i'd gotten on the bus, about 15 minutes back, and informed her how long it would take for the bus to arrive back at richmond heading in the other direction. i feel that my knowledge of the london streets is fairly extensive, and often, when asked for direction, i fail to properly show this off, and will think later of what i should have told the inquirer instead. in this case, however, i was thorough, specific, and, overall, very helpful. so when i got off at my stop a couple minutes later and cheerily said "good luck!" i was slightly perturbed by her uninterested and fairly ungrateful reply of: "yeah."

tuesday september 25

today i was phoned by a representative of liberal candidate chris bentley, requesting my vote. in an effort to cut the conversation short, i told him that, regrettably, i was not yet voting age. it was very effective.

monday september 24

today i listened to the long blondes song "you could have both" for approximately the 45th time, and noticed, for the first time, the lyrical subject matter of the song, which subsequently increased my like of it by about 50%.

sunday september 23

today i was informed that two random high school students will be living in my house for five days this coming week.

saturday september 22

today i was urged by various contributors to the band akron/family to strip down and join them on a slip 'n slide, at approximately 3:00 am in nine-degree weather.

friday september 21

today i missed the only band i really wanted to see during a day-long festival lineup because i couldn't tear myself away from a large pepperoni pizza to make the three-minute walk to the park.

thursday september 20

today i met a man who referred to himself as "billy balloon."

wednesday september 19

today i had carpet cleaners come to my house to take care of the entire upper floor. this floor is pretty much where i spend most of my at-home hours, so, left with little else to do while the carpets were cleaned and dried, i played basketball for nearly two hours and felt, by the end, like i was on the verge of passing out from exhaustion.

tuesday september 18

today i completed a search that had probably spanned years (off and on, of course), when i discovered the title of, and downloaded, oft-used sports arena anthem "kernkraft 400" by zombie nation. after excitedly listening to it twice, i realized that the only good part of the song was the main riff that is always played at these sporting events, and the song itself was, in fact, not very good at all. i don't anticipate many future listens.

monday september 17

today i pulled on my jeans when i was getting dressed in the morning, and noticed that they seemed a bit unusual. they had just come out of the laundry, so i assumed that i was just not used to them in their un-worn-in state, and went about my business. later in the day, i reached into my pockets, noticed they felt entirely unnatural (i know my jean pockets very well), and realized that i was, in fact, wearing my brother's pants.

sunday september 16

today i was kept awake for nearly an hour and a half by a cat who seemed to intuitively know exactly when i was about to fall asleep and how much noise to make to prevent this from happening.

saturday september 15

today i finished downloading a season of a tv show that had been slowly plodding along on my computer for the previous six days. feeling some sort of sense of achievement for its finally finishing, i vowed to make it last, perhaps watching an episode a day, then promptly watched nine episodes by the end of the night.

friday september 14

today i mulled taking up smoking because i suspect it would make me look very cool. however, in the end, the fact that i have very little willpower and money, making a potential addiction likely and devastating, won out. also it's apparently unhealthy.

thursday september 13

today i went to campus. i'd been a little bummed that, given my part-time student status this year, i was there very rarely and wouldn't get a chance to run into anyone i knew, so today i arrived approximately 20 or 25 minutes before my class started, and walked towards the ucc, to see if i'd see any friendly faces. within a span of, literally, 60 seconds, i saw three separate friends and had my on-campus popularity reaffirmed.

wednesday september 12

today i traveled downtown to visit a couple of second-hand bookstores, aiming to find copies of novels i'd require for class this year. upon arriving at my first store and perusing the selection briefly, it occurred to me that it would be significantly cheaper to just borrow the books from the library instead. so i walked over to the library and searched their catalogue to ensure that all the books were there, then went home without signing any out. ultimately, the entire endeavour could've easily been completed in five minutes at home.

tuesday september 11

today i made two new buddies. new friend #1 confided in me that he was worried he was going to get his ass kicked by a guy across the bar! new friend #2 was that guy, who confided that he really wanted to kick new friend #1's ass, but was worried about his potential affiliation with hell's angels. tough break!!

monday september 10

today i opened my family's food closet and noticed that the recently added storage 'tub' that houses the dog food which our pet consumes had been filled to near the top. confronted by this massive amount of kibbles, the first thing i thought of was how sad it would be if our dog died in the near future -- not merely for the loss of whatever companionship she may provide, but because all that dog food, bought and paid for, would sit in our closet as a reminder of the death, and with no one to eat it unless we got real desperate.

sunday september 9

today i ate a late lunch and early dinner and still ate an entire 'medium' pizza for dinner.

saturday september 8

today i went to the park and heard nearly an hour's worth of karaoke sung by various guests of a nearby backyard party, backed by a live country band.

friday september 7

today i dreamed that i was engaged in a hand-to-hand fight to the death with an unknown combatant. twice i bit his face.

thursday september 6

today i left for campus, for my first class of the year. since i am a part-time student this year, and only taking one class this semester, i was optimistic about attending every class, doing every reading, and so on. this optimism promptly turned into my missing a bus, arriving to class 12 minutes late, having the professor joke "class dismissed!" as i walked in the door, then having the class actually dismissed approximately two minutes later.

wednesday september 5

today i played tennis with my father. during one particularly good point, i approached one of his returns, prepared to smash a winning forehand down the line. however, when i went to make contact, a combination of my loose grip on the racket, the amount of sweat that had no doubt accumulated on the handle, and the odd angle at which i connected with the ball saw my racket go flying out of my hand, off our court entirely, and land a few feet away from an elderly woman attempting to make a return on the adjacent court. fortunately, the ball itself didn't make it over the net, or i would have had one difficult return on my hands.

tuesday september 4

today i drove my mother's car for the first time. the drive itself was mildly eventful, as i spent nearly half the trip attempting to properly adjust my seat, the windows, and the stereo system. however it wasn't until i reached my destination that my entire lack of knowledge about the car truly shone through. i parked in a driveway, mere feet from an onlooking girl, who sneaked not-so-subtle glances as i struggled attempting to close all the windows and shut down the car. when i went to take the key out of the ignition, it wouldn't come. i pulled and twisted, almost starting the car again once, but it was stuck. with the girl still looking on, i rummaged around the car seat with one hand for show, feigning a search for some item that i needed to bring with me, while with the other hand i fiddled with the key. finally, with some relief, i was able to wriggle the key free from the icy grasp of the ignition and, attempting to give the impression that i was leaving the car at my leisure, head for the porch next to where the onlooker still sat. as i handled my key, though, intending to lock the car, i realized that this key did not, in fact, come with a handy auto-lock button, and that i'd have to return to the car and lock it from the inside. i briefly considered pretending to have forgotten something that i needed in the car, but ultimately just swallowed my pride and, after finally locating the 'lock' button on the inside of the door, was done with the car for the evening. all in all, an embarrassing two minutes.

monday september 3

today i rode to toronto and back in the company of my grandparents and our chauffeur. for the duration of the trip, the number of kilometers that we traveled was greater than the number of words spoken during the ride.

sunday september 2

today i moved out of my summer home and, on my way out, was filled with the desire to express my sadness about leaving in a goodbye moment. unable to express this emotion to the house itself, i said goodbye to my roommate as if i might never see her again, when in actuality, we will probably see one another within 48 hours, and many many times after.

saturday september 1

today i drank a shared beer with a friend so fast that it made me feel like we were alcohol's equivalent of takeru kobayashi and joey chestnut sharing a hot dog.

friday august 31

today i went out to a bar in the evening, then came back to my house and slept, and promptly dreamed about the same process: going to a bar and then the aftermath and morning after. the repetition was so similar that when i awoke i had difficulty distinguishing between the two scenarios, except that in the latter, i had conversations with charisma carpenter and my grandfather, and cut through canada's wonderland on the walk home.

thursday august 30

today i was urged by a variety store employee, who dubbed himself "so fucked," to bring him back a jar of spare change, in exchange for bills, to compensate for the fact that he had run out of dimes and quarters.

wednesday august 29

today i had a peeping-tom paranoia realized when i entered my bathroom, only to notice, outside the window and against the building, a scaffold holding various workers, nearly at eye level.

tuesday august 28

today i became irritated upon failing two consecutive attempts to beat super mario brothers, despite the fact that i've done so many times, and the game's reward for beating it is rather underwhelming.

monday august 27

today i went to the store 'ikea' for the first time. my first act upon entering was not looking at furniture or other forms of houseware, but rather: going to their restaurant/cafe, and eating food.

sunday august 26

today i napped on a friend's couch while said friend napped in her bedroom. my nap was hindered by the fact that, for its entire duration, i was concerned that this friend's roommate, who i'd yet to meet, would come home. while i wasn't all that worried about her reaction to seeing a random stranger asleep on her couch, i was mildly concerned about falling into a deep sleep and then making my first impression on her with eyes half-open, hair askew, and drool rolling down my face. subsequently, my nap was off and on, and never very deep. afterwards, my friend remembered that her roommate wasn't coming home until tomorrow.

saturday august 25

today i spent approximately 12 hours moving a friend (and her possessions) from london to toronto.

friday august 24

today i went out for dinner and debated for at least five minutes (maybe seven) between two dishes, eventually landed on one, then ate too much complementary bread and barely finished half of my meal.

thursday august 23

today i reached into my bag of bread and pulled out two slices, intending to make a sandwich. when i grabbed the bread, however, the texture felt a little odd. i looked at them and saw that they were, in fact, covered in mold. this considerably diminished my appetitite, essentially providing the same purpose that eating the food itself would have anyway.

wednesday august 22

today i watched a friend drop multiple dimes into a fishtank in an attempt to land the coins in a target and win a free soft drink. it was not unlike watching someone repeatedly playing the slots and insisting that their payoff will come really soon.

tuesday august 21

today i heard a knock at my door and, expecting it to be my brother, casually called "hey! it's open!" when no response came, i got up and opened the door myself, only to find my landlord standing there. after a brief conversation, he left, and two minutes later, another knock came at the door. instinctively, i began calling the same response, but stopped myself after "hey!" just in case he'd forgotten something and come back. it was my brother.

monday august 20

today i dreamed that a friend stole my bag of six bagels from my freezer, not to eat them, but merely to throw them in the trash. when i awoke i felt overly protective of my grains and so guilty for not having eaten any of the bagels, despite them being in my freezer for a week, that i ate two of them over the course of the day.

sunday august 19

today i tired of a rug on the floor of my room, and, after folding it up, placed it under my desk. at least three times later on in the day, i inadvertently kicked or nudged the rug and mistakenly thought, for a split-second, that someone was under the desk.

saturday august 18

today i found this plant on my front porch:



while i have no idea why it's there, it seems as if it was clearly placed intentionally in the middle of the top step, so as not to be avoided, as if it were a gift from someone to me.

friday august 17

today i was thrilled to be able to cross off every task on my makeshift 'to do' list, despite the fact that most of these items were mundane two-minute tasks such as: 'clip fingernails' and 'change futon from bed to chair.'

thursday august 16

today i searched out some medication to take for the cold that had plagued me for the last day or two, and eventually found a small bottle of tylenol cold pills. i briefly read the side of the bottle, to determine the dosage, and was instructed to take one or two of the yellow tablets every four hours. upon opening the bottle, however, i was surprised to find that the tablets were not yellow, but rather a pinkish-red colour, and read 'advil' on the front. i took two anyway.

wednesday august 15

today i excitedly finished downloading, and watched, the first episode of a new season of weeds. i'd been waiting for weeks for august 13, the date of the season premiere. after i finished watching it, however, i discussed it briefly with a friend who informed that not only was the first episode available, but the first four episodes of the season had leaked online, not just this week, but weeks ago. my range of emotions upon finding out this information included: excitement that i'd get to immediately watch three more episodes; annoyance that i could have watched them for weeks and didn't know it; relief that i didn't know this fact and got to experience the build-up of anticipation, always an enjoyable experience; and regret that as these advance episodes aired one by one over the next few weeks, i'd have nothing new to watch unless more leaked before they aired. it all left me very confused and unsure of how i felt about the situation.

tuesday august 14

today i was finishing up my chiropractic appointment when my chiropractor, following a neck adjustment that was particularly resistant, turned to me and asked if i 'self-adjust' -- that is: pull, twist and turn my own neck to make it 'crack' or 'pop.' while i admittedly do this very frequently, the expression on his face when he posed the question gave me the impression that he felt such a habit was on par with a crack addiction, so i lied and said that i don't do anything like that.

monday august 13

today i went out for dinner with my grandparents. afterwards, my brother and i dropped them off at their place, and my grandfather hauled out an old bag of unused golf clubs to pass on to my brother. when we went to put them into our car, my brother struggled to fit the heavy, oversized bag properly into the trunk. i became so frustrated watching this display that when my grandfather called my brother away momentarily, to give him one more thing that he'd forgotten about before, i quickly jerked the bag of clubs to one side and slammed the trunk down, glad to have the task over with! when my brother returned to the car, however, he informed me of some rather sobering news: the keys to the car were now, in fact, locked in the trunk.

sunday august 12

today i was minding my own business, making small talk at a party, when a girl i didn't know came up and asked if anyone had seen a rat in the area. we, with some relief, said no. moments later, she asked again, if we were sure there was no rat around. we again said no, thinking the question awfully arbitrary. after another few moments, there was a commotion in a nearby part of the room, as a girl picked a rat up from under a chair and began feeding it watermelon. i'm still unsure of whether this rodent was a 'pet' or not.

saturday august 11

today i spent so much time swaying back and forth in my porch swing that, when i lay down at night to sleep, i experienced the fleeting sensation of a slight swinging motion.

friday august 10

today i dreamed that i was sitting at the bottom of a large incline, not unlike uc hill at western, but steeper. i was enjoying lunch with a couple friends when all of the sudden i noticed a group of people careening down the hill (it was icy). we were sitting against a wall and i knew that, at the speed they were coming, if i let them go, they'd crash headfirst into the wall and probably die or be paralyzed!! since they were all in close proximity and i have forearms like tree trunks (my dream okay?), i was able to singlehandedly grab them and bring them to a stop before they hit the wall. in the aftermath, i turned to one of my lunch buddies and commented, "that's 'one thing i did today,'" proving that i cannot even escape this blog in my dreams. all day i hoped that something would top it, but nothing did.

thursday august 9

today i was awakened by what i thought might be a knocking at my front door. often i'm awakened by 'phantom knocks' and since i'm always ill prepared, both mentally and physically, to face any knocker upon waking anyway, i let it go. after falling back asleep and waking at my own leisure later on, i opened the front door to see if any notes or other signs of visitors had been left. upon opening the door, i was nearly struck by the giant boxed porch swing that had been leaning against it since, presumably, the moment of the not-so-phantom knock.

wednesday august 8

today i experienced far too much joy when i realized that my box of frozen chicken strips, labeled "27 pieces," actually contained 30 strips, ultimately resulting in my squeezing an extra meal out of it.

tuesday august 7

today i missed arguably the biggest homerun of my lifetime, barry bonds' record-setting 756th, because i was playing spinal tap's "tonight i'm gonna rock you tonight" in guitar hero 2.

monday august 6

today i sprinted four blocks down waterloo street after receiving notice that a pizza delivery man with my pizza had, in fact, arrived at the building i was still four blocks away from.

sunday august 5

today i was in the middle of the usual act of throwing one's hands in the air along to the beat during a daft punk concert, when i began to wonder which technique was more 'correct': an open palm, a closed fist, or one finger to the sky. unable to decide on just one, i employed a constantly rotating combination of the three for the remainder of the show.

saturday august 4

today i ate a petal of a rose.

friday august 3

today i went to the beer store to buy some beer. it was a friday evening and the place was moderately bustling. i was asked for my order before coming up to the counter to pay, and in fact before it was even my turn in line, leading to my beer being sent out amidst the haul from the guy in front of me: an order worth $259 and change, said the cash register. after finally getting up to the counter and paying, i turned to grab my case from the conveyor belt, only to find it had disappeared from the spot where it had been sent out. i immediately begin searching the quickly growing cart of cases that housed the $259 (and change) order, thinking that he'd attempted to sneak my beer in there along with all of his -- who would notice!! not seeing it there, i turned back to the counter, on the verge of asking for another case to be sent out for me, when i noticed mine had been moved to the counter, approximately eight inches from where i was standing when i paid for it.

thursday august 2

today i witnessed a girl playing with a yo-yo at call the office.

wednesday august 1

today i casually used the word 'ated' in conversation as if it were the past tense of 'to eat,' and wasn't aware of the fact that i'd made a mistake until a few seconds later.

tuesday july 31

today i arrived home after eating a fulfilling and delicious dinner with my grandparents. when i opened the door of my house and entered the 'lobby' area, i was overwhelmed with the smell of another meal being made -- the aroma of cooking vegetables wafted through the air and i was suddenly, briefly convinced that someone had broken into my house and was making me dinner. despite the fact that i'd just eaten and that this hypothesis would place the security of my living quarters under question, i was very pleased with this notion. as i walked up the stairs and approached my front door, however, the odor drifted away, replaced by the uninteresting smell of my own house, and it became clear that my neighbours living below me were cooking dinner, presumably not for me.

monday july 30

today i ended up walking eight blocks in order to meet a friend at a meeting point that was two blocks away from my initial starting point.

sunday july 29

today i experienced a full day of dull pain in my right shoulder, after playing a little too rigorously in three matches of nintendo wii tennis yesterday.

saturday july 28

today i had a dream in which i was involved in an even more catastrophic shooting incident than columbine or virginia tech. i was neither a shooter nor a casualty, but saw gunshots fired and made a hasty escape. while the dream was fairly vivid, i became convinced, in the aftermath of the incident, that i was, in fact, dreaming. another character in the dream (rose, from lost) assured me that this was not the case: the shooting incident had happened, and she encouraged me to google it if i didn't believe her. with no computer in sight, and in an attempt to deduce whether i was really awake, i eschewed the traditional pinch of oneself (it's never worked that well for me), instead picking up a little twig and snapping it in half, to see if its sound and texture were 'lifelike.' they were, meaning i need a new technique to determine my level of consciousness. suggestions encouraged.

friday july 27

today i had an impromptu song sung about me in public.

thursday july 26

today i watched two innings of a houseleague baseball game between kids who appeared to be approximately 10 or 11 years old. during the first inning, i decided on a favourite player, a kid playing right field for the browns. in the next inning, i was thrilled to see him take the mound, expecting him to shut down the competition. instead, he gave up so many runs that the 'mercy' rule took effect, the browns lost the game, and i was sort of regretting my choice of favourite player.

wednesday july 25

today i received a facebook message that read as follows:

"hmmmm i wonder just all i need to no is if u were at wonderland on Monday July 23 2007 wereing a yellow and white striped shirt and u were standing with your friend Zack and u were in line wating to go on the minebuster as u were waiting were u talking to a girl with a whits shirt that had a pink bage and a walkietalkie if so plz add me becuz i was that girl."

this girl is 16 and i have never seen her before in my life.

tuesday july 24

today i attempted to differentiate between current new york indie rock band the walkmen and '90s canadian alternative rock band the watchmen for a fellow patron of the alex p. keaton bathroom. this prompted him to make a joke about 'adiohead,' not to be confused with radiohead.

monday july 23

today i was generously provided with four bags of groceries by my mother in the evening. by the time i went to bed at night, i had eaten every piece of junk food from these bags.

sunday july 22

today i received a spam e-mail in which the sender (xaviar) vowed that he was "ready to kill myself and eat my dog" if medicine prices at his advertised website were bad. his message concludes that "my dog and I are still alive :)" leaving me to believe that the prices met his standards after all.

saturday july 21

today i was walking home from downtown when a limousine with the letters 'mib' on the back drove past me, leaving me to believe that the 'men in black' are real after all, though less subtle than their big-screen portrayal would suggest.

friday july 20

today i watched r. kelly's trapped in the closet (chapters 1-12) for the fifth time in the span of just over a week.

thursday july 19

today i found out that a former colleague of mine at stylus magazine won a $250,000 prize on the television show: world series of pop culture.

wednesday july 18

today i sang along to the bridge of dan deacon's "snake mistakes" approximately 20 times in a row in an attempt to nail every word in a refrain where not a single half-beat is allotted for breathing.

tuesday july 17

today i put off my back-in-the-country grocery shopping for another day and got by on meals consisting solely of cereal and peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

monday july 16

today i arrived home at my place after being out of the country for five days and noticed, as i was entering, a note slid under my door. i initially expected it to be something from my landlord or perhaps the neighbours living below me, and instead found the following message: "dear luke, we came by to fuck you but you weren't here. love, tara and michelle."

sunday july 15

today i assisted in teaching the meaning of the word 'dink' to a chicago cab driver.

saturday july 14

today i stood next to a group of kids as they created and performed an extensive dance routine during a professor murder set.

friday july 13

today i witnessed a rap performance in which the number of black men onstage more than doubled the amount of black men i could spot in my general section of the tightly packed audience.

thursday july 12

today i waited in a parked car on a chicago street while an acquaintance visited a nearby house to see a large man named leno about buying drugs.

wednesday july 11

today i ran through the sprinklers in victoria park at approximately 2:30 am.

tuesday july 10

today i witnessed the following things within the span of five minutes at dundas and richmond:

a. a middle-aged woman observing to no one in particular that the 12-wharncliffe bus was due in four minutes, then rooting "come on wharncliffe!!" and clapping boisterously upon its arrival, as if it were a race horse that she'd bet on to win.
b. a man sporting a t-shirt that read, below a picture of a dog: "sparky 2000-2004, i miss you boy."
c. a guy with both a rattail and a hot girlfriend.

monday july 9

today i spent some time using two computers at the same time, so that i could quickly switch to the second one when the first one crashed, without having to wait for the two-minute restart process.

sunday july 8

today i dreamt that i received a voicemail from an indian man pretending to be avril lavigne.

saturday july 7

today i received such an overwhelming lack of response to an evening flurry of outgoing text messages that i began to wonder if my phone was even functioning properly; it was.

friday july 6

today i was about to use my bathroom with the bathroom door open and my front door unlocked, when i received a phone call from friends standing right outside my house and about to come in. this incident made me sufficiently paranoid about unexpected drop-ins that i intend to exercise proper bathroom-door etiquette from now on, despite the fact that i'm the only person living in my house.

thursday july 5

today i expressed opinions about hockey on the radio, despite the fact that i know so little about hockey that i could not even name three players on the toronto maple leafs.

wednesday july 4

today i earnestly compared a pair of hot-dog eating record setters to mark mcgwire's and sammy sosa's record-setting 1998 home run seasons, asking seriously which was the greater achievement on the spectrum of human existence.

tuesday july 3

today i watched the film saturday night fever for the first time, and was shocked to discover that it was not the feel-good dancing story that the soundtrack had suggested, but rather one filled with depressing twists and tragedy. though, admittedly, the dancing did still make me feel pretty good.

monday july 2

today i extensively discussed which disney character is the hottest for the second time this summer.

sunday july 1

today i intended to walk over to harris park to watch the 10:00 pm fireworks, but was dissuaded from pursuing this plan when i began to hear loud bangs coming from outside and looked at the clock, which read: 10:04.

saturday june 30

today i played a game of cranium in which one player described the character of dr. jekyl and mr. hyde as "a man with a phd... but also a lady that likes to wear leopard skin."

friday june 29

today i reluctantly listened to a full-volumed alanis morisette cd.

thursday june 28

today i went to shave my face and discovered that my electric razor had died -- though it was charged, nothing happened when i turned the switch to 'on'! this led me to wondering if i'd be lazy enough about the process of fixing this one or acquiring a new one to find out if i could actually grow a beard or not.

wednesday june 27

today i went to the mall to buy a pair of shoes. my only pair was falling apart to the point where i wasn't sure that they'd last through another rigorous workout (of which i have a lot). i often have trouble finding the right pair of shoes, factoring in price, size, and style, so i was bracing myself for a long, drawn-out process. then i bought the first pair i tried on in the first store i entered.

tuesday june 26

today i was walking home along the sidewalk when i spotted a squirrel in the grass nearby, crouched down and seemingly poised to pounce on something unsuspecting. as i walked closer, i kept expecting the squirrel to make his move, as squirrels are wont to do when passersby enter their generous personal bubbles. as i passed within feet of him though, i came to the sudden and sobering realization that the squirrel was not, in fact, positioned in that particular pose because he was prepared to pounce, but rather because he was dead.

monday june 25

today i watched before sunset just before sunrise.

sunday june 24

today i awoke from a dream about zombies (in which i killed a fictional zombie ex-girlfriend with only a pen that she'd been using as a hairpin), convinced that it was recycling day and i'd missed it, despite the fact that it was a sunday.

saturday june 23

today i watched my cousin get married in greece via a choppy, soundless webcam feed.

friday june 22

today i was walking down my street when i happened to notice, out of the corner of my eye, someone staring at me from the second-floor window of a house on my left. i looked up, and saw not a person, but rather a pug dog, sitting at the window, staring. immediately when i looked his way, however, he turned away and nonchalantly pretended to be studying the inside of the window very intently, just like a real person would do (if caught staring).

thursday june 21

today i arrived at my on-air radio debut with so little time to spare that i had no instruction on how to properly use the microphone before i began to speak into it.

wednesday june 20

today i decided to make some post-bar food upon arriving home from call the office. i put one of my 'ribbits' (they are like ribs, but bits) in the microwave for a minute and a half, and when i opened the microwave door, it did look delicious. however, at that point, i realized i'd forgotten to follow the cooking suggestion of placing a paper towel over the plate -- my microwave looked something like a murder scene, with blood-like sauce splattered over every inch of the sides as if someone had been killed in my very kitchen.

tuesday june 19

today i had to renew my driver's license. for weeks, i'd been putting it off, primarily out of laziness, but secondarily because i was concerned about the new photograph that would serve as my primary identification for the next five years. when i finally went, i settled on a plain, non-committal white t-shirt and kept my hair relatively in check (though the brief gusts of wind during my walk into the building were worrisome). when the moment of truth finally came, however, i choked -- i was unable to force myself to smile naturally, and my attempts at doing so likely looked pained, like i'd just swallowed a disagreeable morsel of food. when i finally achieved my desired facial expression, i realized that the woman was calling me back, and that the photo had been taken two seconds earlier. i am not looking forward to receiving my new license in the mail.

monday june 18

today i had a dream which involved checking my e-mail. my e-mail inbox, in the dream, was full of e-mails from various friends, with even subject lines specified! before i could begin reading all of them, i woke up. inspired by my unconscious popularity, i checked my real-life e-mail and was crushed to find only spam messages.

sunday june 17

today i was blasting through level after level of super mario bros. for nes, about to enter another castle with an excess of lives, when the television screen suddenly started flashing green and my game abruptly came to an end. it hasn't functioned since, leaving me with a constantly growing sense of "what could have been."

saturday june 16

today i was telling a friend about the aforementioned magician that i'd encountered when, while we were discussing him, i spotted him walking towards us down the street. he passed by and stared us down moments later, leading me to believe that his appearance was not a coincidence, but rather real magic, and also that he looks a lot like snoop dogg.

friday june 15

today i was entertained by the antics of a magical david-blaine-in-the-making, one who had an impressive knack for producing the two of hearts after i made it 'my card,' while i waited to enter the alex p. keaton.

thursday june 14

today i spent extensive time listening to my last.fm radio station (as seen in this very site's sidebar), and constantly being surprised at how much i enjoyed it, despite the fact that its playlist was constructed exclusively from the songs i've listened to in the past.

wednesday june 13

today i ate out for dinner with my grandparents, and was so excited at the prospect of taking home leftovers that my final haul included half of my grandmother's dinner, a random loaf of garlic bread, and many many complimentary hard candies.

tuesday june 12

today i found out that my left big toe suffered a fracture 16 days ago.

monday june 11

today i watched the shoestring on my right shoe obliterate itself so rapidly that by the time i'd walked to dollarama to buy new laces, one end of the string more closely resembled the end of a straw broom than a shoelace.

sunday june 10

today i was standing in the store 'from mars' when i heard the tiny metallic clinking of something hitting the floor. i looked around for a second and assumed it was something unrelated to me and unimportant, and continued my conversation. minutes later, when i was about to leave the store and went to put on my sunglasses, i noticed that one lens had half fallen out, and was missing a small piece that held said lens in place. my search to find this piece proved futile, and nearly resulted in my playing accidental peeping tom on an unsuspecting customer in the fitting room.

saturday june 9

today i was kicked out of victoria park by two police officers at approximately 3:00 am.

friday june 8

today i saw a picture of a family friend, whose cottage i visited last summer, on the front page of the london free press, identified as the suspected shooter in a murder-suicide.

thursday june 7

today i was called via celluar telephone for the first time by two separate, entirely unrelated (or rather: unconnected) people who had each had my phone number for months.

wednesday june 6

today i was prompted by a restlessly and constantly moving insect in my bedroom to do a google search for the phrase: "do bugs sleep?"

tuesday june 5

today i visited home for the evening to eat dinner, do some laundry, and catch up with my family. while my laundry was finishing up, i channel-surfed on the digital cable box a little and, after 15 minutes of watching highlights from the 2006 u.s. poker championship, was struck by how much i missed having cable.

monday june 4

today i washed the dishes using cold water rather than warm, because it was so hot in my kitchen that i figured i couldn't handle the heat and ought to go for the more refreshing route instead.

sunday june 3

today i experienced such a debilitating case of 'playstation thumb' from excessive play of tony hawk's pro skater 2 that, by the evening, it was slightly painful, or at least uncomfortable, to perform even the simplest of tasks with my left hand.

saturday june 2

today i walked past a 20-something girl sunbathing topless in victoria park.

friday june 1

today i bought dinner at a tim horton's at a service centre along the highway to toronto. because i'd only brought $10 along with me, and didn't want to have to resort to any 'debiting,' i bought the cheapest sandwich possible, the $3.17 chicken salad, rather than the more expensive ham and swiss i really coveted.

thursday may 31

today i was walking downtown when i passed a woman in a parked car, talking on her cell phone. as i walked past, she yelled, in a voice equally menacing and hysterical: "YOU'RE LUCKY THAT I CAN'T JUMP THROUGH THIS FUCKING PHONE AND HIT YOU!"

wednesday may 30

today i had x-rays taken of something besides my crooked spine for the first time that i could remember, and was inexplicably excited about it.

tuesday may 29

today i took a bus across the city for a doctor's appointment. the appointment itself lasted less than five minutes, but the sheer amount of time i was on the bus allowed me to read approximately one-third of haruki murakami's sputnik sweetheart.

monday may 28

today i played catch with a friend. the park we played in was on the smallish side, so we were throwing the ball across a sidewalk- or pathway-type construction. after a few minutes, a gym teacher came into the park with some young tykes, intending to run laps around the park using this pathway. rather than asking us if we could move our positions a little, he began instructing the kids to avoid getting hit by a flying baseball while running. whether this was meant as a legitimate, earnest warning, or was just a way to subtly encourage us to move, it worked as the latter. i don't want kiddie blood on my hands.

sunday may 27

today i looked out my window and noticed two birds on the roof outside, scarcely five or ten feet away from me! the birds went at each other very violently, and for a time i wasn't sure if they were 'mating' or if perhaps they were fighting to the death. at one point it seemed that one was trying to eat the other alive! after about 30 seconds of their antics on the roof though, one took off and flew away, the other hot on its tail. given the fact that they could each still fly with ease, i was left to assume that they were, in fact, just having sex after all, leaving me feeling slightly perverted for having watched their entire display.

saturday may 26

today i was informed by a health food expert, with little to no prompting, that i ought to remove all wheat and dairy from my diet or else i will probably get colon cancer by the time i turn 40.

friday may 25

today i was floating on my back in a friend's pool, ears submerged underwater. the tranquility of the noise underwater made me think of what an explosion of the senses it must be when fish jump out of the water. maybe that's why they do it, not just to entertain us!!

thursday may 24

today i ate strawberries and drank beer, topless.

wednesday may 23

today i received a phone call from a friend. "hey," i said. no response. "hello?" i asked, a little less confident in tone this time. no response, though i could hear some faint conversation in the background. "hello??" i asked a third time, increasingly inquisitive. no response except for the background conversation. i closed my phone, confused, and then worried later that perhaps i was surreptitiously called in order for me to hear the conversation going on in the room, and had foolishly blown my chance at doing so by hanging up so quickly!!

tuesday may 22

today i bought a 12-pack of alexander keith's beer and carried it the three blocks back to my house. while the case was cumbersome and rather heavy, i insisted on carrying it one-handed, rather than two-handed, because a two-handed grip makes walking awkward and the case often bumps into my junk. however, by the end of the walk, the one-handed grip had put such strain on the case that the cardboard had stretched and ripped to the point where another two blocks of walking likely would've sent my beer careening all over the sidewalk.

monday may 21

today i attempted to 'sell out' and incorporate something into my blog called: google adsense. it would put advertisements on my blog and make me money when people clicked on them, as they undoubtedly would! but then things got messed up when i upgraded my blog's design and now every time i try to include adsense, i get an error message. so i have decided to stay true to my roots and not sell out, reluctantly.

sunday may 20

today i required step by step instructions on how to properly wash lettuce.

saturday may 19

today i participated, if not actively, then at least on some level, the purchase and playing of the board game: dream phone.

friday may 18

today i saw a church sign that read: "lookinng [sic] for god on facebook."

thursday may 17

today i bought new clothes in order to ensure that i could put off doing my laundry for a couple extra days.

wednesday may 16

today i feigned busyness in the lobby of my friend's apartment building for approximately two minutes, in hopes that someone with a key or perhaps someone with a friend who has a functional buzzer would let me in. when someone finally did, it was a domino's pizza delivery man, and i ended up spending 12 floors in an elevator with him and a pizza that smelled delicious. the experience had such an impact that a phone call and an hour later, i was eating domino's pizza myself.

tuesday may 15

today i was lying on the beach when i felt a little water hit my arm. i looked up, thinking that maybe some swimmers had come back to shore and were dripping on me, but no it had started to rain! as the droplets grew larger and more frequent, i panicked, thinking that a sudden storm was about to start and i would get soaked. i threw my towel over my head and began to frantically look around to see what needed to be covered, only to realize that the rain had stopped, 20 seconds later.

monday may 14

today i went to the library to get myself some books, after finding myself resorting to an issue of cosmopolitan magazine that was lying around the house (and discovering surprising sex tips!) just one too many times.

sunday may 13

today i came a doorstop away from participating in a photoshoot in a public porta-potty.

saturday may 12

today i saw, for the first time in approximately 10 years, a toy soccer ball from my childhood. it had been lost one day while my brother and i were 'horsing around' and despite us both being in the same room as the fateful errant throw, we'd never found it for those 10 years (though admittedly the final 9 years, 11 months, 29 days or so involved fairly half-hearted searching) -- until yesterday, when it materialized beneath my bedside table, while my dad was undoubtedly clearing the room out to rent it.

friday may 11

today i went to my local cinema to see the film: spiderman 3. while i was not exactly seeing schnidler's list, and i'm no hardcore stickler for theatre etiquette, a group of girls sitting in the back row of the theatre was so ridiculously loud -- speaking not in whispers or regular voices, but rather "playground voices" to ensure being heard over even the exciting action scenes! -- that i'm 100% positive that, were the gang-mob mentality more acceptable in these parts, they would've been tarred and feathered by film's end.

thursday may 10

today i walked downtown intending to buy groceries but returned home two hours later with only a block of cheddar cheese.

wednesday may 9

today i received a facebook friend request from my mom.

tuesday may 8

today i probably showed up in the background of approximately 15 photographs that a couple in front of me at the lcd soundsystem show took between dancing, including multiple kissing shots.

monday may 7

today i went to get on a 17-oxford west bus, only to have the driver tell me that it was "out of service." in a moment reminiscent of a scene from arrested development episode "pier pressure" ("now we wait" "how long?" "who knows. an hour... maybe five--" "DRUG DELIVERY!"), the driver instructed me to find some other way to travel, making it sound like he'd be waiting hours for a mechanic. i walked across the street, about a block away, to a nearby stop for a different bus, then watched as the mechanic showed up within five minutes and the bus departed shortly thereafter. this left me standing there waiting for the next bus while some baseball-cap-wearing dudes across the road blasted obie trice songs from their stationary pickup truck.

sunday may 6

today i napped for four hours in the afternoon. however, for the first half-hour of the nap, i was in and out of such a light sleep that at one point i thought i was awake, with my eyes open, and heard music coming from my bedside radio. but when i reached for the radio to turn it off (now fully awake), the music was gone -- never there in the first place, really!!

saturday may 5

today i went to get my hair cut and encountered the exact same family (four boys and their dad) that was ahead of me the last time i got my hair cut. this time around, i learned that the boys were 5, 5, 6, and 10 years old, and they seemed to be handling the haircuts better this time! no tears, though there was some mild pouting. next time i will learn their names.

friday may 4

today i spent more on clothes than i had in the last year combined.

thursday may 3

today i fully realized for the first time that i'm not going to win out over my poor-hearing genes and will probably be pretty much deaf by the time i'm 40.

wednesday may 2

today i realized that my favourite bar has new bartenders, new cups and new beer on tap. i couldn't figure out if this was a sign i'm there too often, for noticing all these things, or not often enough, for noticing all at once when the change was more likely gradual.

tuesday may 1

today i went to the library to renew my expired library card. the expiration of the card meant that i couldn't employ my usual tactic of continuously renewing my books online, every two or three weeks, to put off library visits as much as possible. it also meant that i had $4.80 in library fines, which was rather discouraging, considering i hadn't opened the delinquent books since early april.

monday april 30

today i realized that i had yet to cash $150 in birthday cheques, from over three weeks ago.

sunday april 29

today i was walking down waterloo street when i was stopped by two young girls - approximately seven years old - who were selling lemonade and asked me if i'd like to buy any for 75 cents. regrettably, i'd spent my last $1.75 in sizable change earlier in the day on a 'peach passion' beverage and only had an assortment of pennies, nickels and dimes that did not amount to 75 cents! as i struggled to attempt to explain this to the more vocal of the two girls, the other one announced that it didn't matter, they were out of lemonade anyway! before i continued on my way down the street, they teased me about maybe getting "a couple drops" and generally proved themselves more witty and socially apt than me.

saturday april 28

today i took the 5-springbank bus and encountered a guy called 'thor' who bore a striking resemblance to philip seymour hoffman if hoffman were playing aileen wuornos, and also had a large, needy girlfriend.

friday april 27

today i was told by a random guy in the bathroom of the alex p. keaton that he had faith in my ability to be a man.

thursday april 26

today i was rummaging through the mess on my desk when i found a dvd that i had borrowed from a friend three months ago, intending to watch it right away, but had apparently yet to find two hours for.

wednesday april 25

today i began eating a large bag of chips when 'lost' started, and finished the bag before the episode ended. healthy living.

tuesday april 24

today i found out at 8:56 am what room i'd be writing my 9:00 am exam in.

monday april 23

today i was trying to get to sleep and it just wasn't working. i decided to resort to the traditional 'counting sheep' strategy, but when i began, i realized that i wasn't quite sure precisely what the right technique was. do i count them as they fly across my line of vision, one by one? or is there just a big herd, and i have to be careful not to count the same one twice? if it's the latter, am i allowed to move them over to one side after they've been counted? these were the types of questions running through my mind when i fell asleep.

sunday april 22

today i heard the phone ringing and glanced at the call display, which said: "rickert corey." i didn't know anyone by this name, and the phone is never for me, but i was the only person home, so i answered it. i had to say "hello?" multiple times, and after some hesitation, the girl on the other end finally asked: "is this corey rickert?" when i told her that i was not, in fact, corey rickert, she concluded that she had the wrong number. try calling your own phone maybe!!!

saturday april 21

today i was hangin' out in my house when i heard loud voices coming from outside. it seemed that upwards of 30 or 40 high-school-age kids had congregated on the street directly outside my house. some were on my lawn. my brother went out to investigate the goings-on and reported back that two girls were about to fight (they did, a circle formed, and they went down to the cement!! then a police car came). this led to the following exchange:

my brother: "i think it's over a guy."
me: "oh yeah?"
my brother: "well why else would two girls fight."

friday april 20

today i made $67.43 without leaving my house.

thursday april 19

today i was sitting at my computer desk when i suddenly begin to feel rather tired. i began to slide further and further down in my chair until i eventually fell completely off and keeled over onto the ground. i lay there for approximately 15 minutes, even falling asleep, until the phone rang and prompted me to get up.

wednesday april 18

today i found my coat pocket getting overcrowded and decided to pull out and throw out a crumpled up receipt that had been there all day. upon taking it out of my pocket and glancing at it, i noticed that it was an odd colour for a receipt, a shade of blue. i began to uncrumple it and quickly realized that it was no a receipt at all, but in fact a five dollar bill.

tuesday april 17

today i imagined how i'd react in a situation similar to the virgina tech shootings, and couldn't even be a hero in my own daydreams, when i questioned whether i'd have enough upper body strength to tackle a potential gunman to the ground, even if i 'had the drop' on him.

monday april 16

today i realized that the expression that the woman is making on that one casinorama billboard advertisement (where she's just won big at the slots!) is the exact same expression that the woman in the spam e-mail i keep getting sent is making, when she sees her man's post-enlargement-patch member for the first time.

sunday april 15

today i arrived at campus so early for an exam that at one point as i walked up the hill towards university college, not one other person was in sight.

saturday april 14

today i became an unwilling participant in a neighbourhood game of squirrel chicken, when i drove down my street and had to swerve to avoid two different street-crossing squirrels within a 20-second span.

friday april 13

today i turned my television on at 8:57 pm, despite still needing to write 1200 words in an essay due by midnight, because the blue jays game was tied in the ninth inning. i watched the game until they won in the 10th inning, and submitted my essay at 11:32.

thursday april 12

today i noticed a fresh discolouration on the carpeted area of a stair in my house. while the stain was, as mentioned, located on a stair, and was noticeably shaped like a footprint, i gave it wide berth and inspected it extremely carefully on the off chance that it was, in fact, dog urine.

wednesday april 11

today i happily encouraged a representative of the 'weed man' lawn care company to fertilize our lawn, despite the fact that it didn't need to be done.

tuesday april 10

today i wore an old pair of jeans so tight that i could comfortably walk around the house without buttoning the button.

monday april 9

today i assisted my mother in clearing leftover inventory and shelving from her closing bookstore. to aid the project, a massive dumpster, approximately nine feet high, was placed behind the store for large garbage. since the door was rather cumbersome and a chore to open, i took to launching the manageable garbage into the bin shot-put style, as if i were an olympian.

sunday april 8

today i witnessed the transition of eras, when, for the first time ever, my grandmother gave me planter's cashews for easter instead of miniature chocolate easter eggs covered in bright tin foil.

saturday april 7

today i ate six consecutive mentos even though my breath wasn't particularly bad.

friday april 6

today i visited my grandparents in honour of my birthday. while talking to my grandmother about what i'd done during the day, i mentioned that i'd helped a friend out with a film project, which prompted her to ask: "you have a friend?" good burn, grandma!!

thursday april 5

today i played a game of madden '07 on the 'rookie' skill level with the sole intent of seeing how many points i could score in a game with otherwise regular settings. it ended 234-0.

wednesday april 4

today i made some oven-cooked mini pizzas. after taking them out of the oven, i attempted to scoop them from the pan to my plate. while transferring the second one, i lost control and it began to flip towards the ground. in the ensuing melee, pizza got all over my shirt, my jeans, the ground, and the side of the kitchen counter. but, while it was left with very few toppings and mostly just sauce, that mini-pizza did not hit the ground!!

tuesday april 3

today i had the doo dah doo doo song stuck in my head so incessantly that almost unconsciously began singing it under my breath at the dinner table, prompting my brother to ask: "what?" and me to mumble: "... nothing."

monday april 2

today i had arguably the worst morning ever, one that consisted of failed essay-printing attempts, a drop-box pickup deadline missed by five minutes, over 45 minutes of waiting at bus stops, and only two hours of sleep.

sunday april 1

today i fell for pretty much every april fool's prank that anyone tried to pull.

saturday march 31

today i had a song dedicated to my sternum.

friday march 30

today i was in the kitchen with my mother when i noticed an appointment card on the counter for a dr. gary neumann. this prompted a lengthy exchange which began with her looking confused when i exclaimed, "hah, gary neumann!" and ended with her looking equally confused after i had extensively quoted lyrics from gary numan's "cars."

thursday march 29

today i bought a foot-long sub, intending to eat half today and the other half for lunch tomorrow. when i got hungry and ate the whole thing, it left a significant six-inch hole in my future lunching plans.

wednesday march 28

today i dropped 75 dollars on a single concert ticket, marking the first time since i saw the tragically hip in the ninth grade that i spent even half that amount on a single show.

tuesday march 27

today i had my first full day with my new 'desk fan.' it is quite small, and entirely child-safe, which prompted me to stick my fingers into the moving blade approximately 50 or 60 times over the course of the day. the sound that this produced was not unlike the sound a lawn mower emits when it runs over a moderately sized stick.

monday march 26

today i balled a bit on my backyard basketball hoop for the first time this spring. despite my sweeping off the 'court' before i played, as thoroughly as i could without getting tired, a few remnants of dried dog poo stuck around and prompted some fancy footwork on my drives.

sunday march 25

today i received myspace friend requests from two separate girls whose 'about me' sections both highlighted that they "love both guys and girls," bemoaned the fact that "myspace doesnt allow naughty pics," and invited me to watch their webcams! what a weird coincidence!!

saturday march 24

today i looked on as a young boy, approximately four or five years old, cried while getting his hair cut.

friday march 23

today i walked my dog for the first time in seven years.

thursday march 22

today i got on the bus and headed immediately for the only available empty double-seat. as i went to sit down, the girl in the seat in front began moving her stuff off the aisle seat beside her, as if i'd wanted to claim that spot. when i settled behind her, she asked if she should move her stuff, or if i was okay? i was good. about 10 minutes later, she removed her headphones and began making small talk, which lasted for the rest of the bus ride. by the time i got off the bus, she had determined that, entirely by coincidence, i had been in her kindergarten class, 15 years ago. i have no recollection.

wednesday march 21

today i watched and admired a seeing-eye dog performing its tasks for a few moments. when it eventually walked its blind owner out of sight, i briefly wondered if there were any seeing-eye dogs out there that were smarter than me, but quickly shut down this line of thinking out of fear of what kinds of answers it might yield.

tuesday march 20

today i forgot to wear my coat out on two separate occasions, not because it was particularly warm -- just because i'd left it upstairs and didn't want to go get it after i'd put my shoes on. hello spring, welcome.

monday march 19

today i went to pour myself a bowl of froot loops and found the box opened on the wrong end and with a tiny and impractical pouring hole cut in one corner, as if it were opened by someone so anxious to get to the goods inside that they paid no mind to the protocol of cereal box opening.

sunday march 18

today i began to worry about the long-term stablility of my kitchen ceiling, following the arrival of a slow leak in addition to the long crack that runs along another section.

saturday march 17

today i was walking downtown when i passed one guy yelling angrily at another, telling him not to put his hand behind his back like he was a cop; that that wasn't cool and he knew it, man.

friday march 16

today i left a concert early for the first time in two years.

thursday march 15

today i learned how to tie a tie; almost, again.

wednesday march 14

today i passed by someone that bore a striking physical resemblance to a friend from my younger years. when i began to reminisce about this childhood pal, i suddenly realized that the person i was remembering was, in fact, not an old friend, but rather goldberg (the goalie) from the mighty ducks.

tuesday march 13

today i was waiting for a bus at dundas and richmond with my headphones on when i was asked by a random guy if the 12-wharncliffe bus had passed by in the last few minutes. i told him that it hadn't in the five minutes i'd been waiting at the stop, and put my headphones back on. then he told me that he was going to costa rica. i briefly mulled telling him that the 12-wharncliffe didn't go that far, but instead reluctantly took my headphones off and listened for several minutes while he regaled me with stories about his brother and sister-in-law living in costa rica and how they'd been peed on by monkeys, while my 2-dundas bus broke new records for tardiness.

monday march 12

today i slept on my couch instead of my bed for the third night in a row, by choice.

sunday march 11

today i excitedly sat down at 6:00 pm to watch the ncaa tournament selection show on cbs. as the bracket slowly filled up with teams i knew nothing about, i realized that, although it felt like i was much more into college basketball this year, this really just meant being familiar with five teams or so, instead of zero.

saturday march 10

today i rented an oscar-winning film from my local rogers video. the kid behind the counter looked at it and exclaimed that he'd never heard of it or even seen it on the shelves. this exchange made me even more embarrassed to have never gotten a call back from the store when i dropped my resumé off there years ago.

friday march 9

today i wore khaki pants for the first time in what must have been about a year. i was intending to look 'nice' for a potential job interview but then i ended up not having the interview, and got slush and mud all over the bottom of my pants, effectively ruining the nicety.

thursday march 8

today i dreamt that i just couldn't take life on a small deserted island any more and decided to attempt to escape. i was the five millionth person to venture into that part of the ocean (it had a 'views' counter like a youtube video) and some sort of seaman who was bringing more people to the island, as i left it, warned me that no one had ever escaped alive. i responded, "i'd rather take a one in five million risk than stay here any longer!!" not only was my odds calculating totally off (more like 0 in 4,999,999 there), but this stance was so antithetical to what my real-life reaction to such a situation would be that i'm shocked my subconscious even went there.

wednesday march 7

today i was tapped on the shoulder while taking the bus home, and asked by a high school kid if i had a cell phone on me. i did, but said that i didn't, because i'm anal about my minutes, was wary of his intentions, and, quite frankly, didn't like his look.

tuesday march 6

today i bought a used copy of houston's "i like that" single. it has six versions of the song on it, four of which i can't tell apart without the aid of the track listing.

monday march 5

today i switched cds while driving along the highway for the second time in two days. in those few seconds while i switched it up, the radio came on, and for the second time in two days, "l.a. woman" by the doors was the song playing.

sunday march 4

today i received five text messages from a random phone number that once sent me a message that said: "hey hey long time no see" (i replied asking who it was and never got a response). these messages read as follows:

1. "are you?" (6:14 am)
2. "you? where are ya" (6:25 am)
3. "you? where are ya" (6:27 am)
4. "hello" (7:35 am)
5. "hey, whatya up to?" (10:36 am)

i suspect that at least two of the following criteria apply to the sender: wrong number, odd sense of humour, sunday morning drunkenness, mild mental retardation.

saturday march 3

today i replaced the water bottle i'd been refilling and using for three months with a brand new one, complete with fresh water!! i noticed no difference.

friday march 2

today i put the final pieces together in a puzzle that i began quite some time ago. it was less emotionally fulfilling than i'd hoped.

thursday march 1

today i passed by an elderly couple who were walking along with a small child, likely four or five years old and presumably their grandchild, on a leash.

wednesday february 28

today i played a mini-xbox game that i found at the bottom of a box of cereal!! they sure don't make cereal toys like they used to.

tuesday february 27

today i drove across the city and back and arrived home right at the moment when the car's digital gas display read "1 mile until empty."

monday february 26

today i received an e-mail from a friend in cancun, which read, in part: "the other night we chilled with fat joe, lloyd banks, g unit djs in their escalades eating tacos."

sunday february 25

today i hoped to express either outrage or relief at the announcement of the best picture at the academy awards. as midnight (and the show's three and a half hour mark) approaches, however, with no signs of that category coming up in the near future, this goal will go sadly unrealized today.

saturday february 24

today i drove past a methodist baptist church whose outdoor sign read: "body piercings saved my life." it took me seven blocks to get it.

friday february 23

today i stood outside gt's while a friend and an emotionally invested bouncer argued over the merits of the bar.

thursday february 22

today i heard "i think i need a new heart" by the magnetic fields in a television advertisement for dog food.

wednesday february 21

today i set my alarm for 2:00 am, then pushed it back six times before eventually waking up five hours later.

100th day anniversary!!

tuesday february 20

today i finalized plans to see the love of my life (shout out out out out) not just once but twice in the first week of march. twice. two times.

monday february 19

today i dreamt that i was being chased down a city street by an array of wild animals, ranging (not alphabetically but in order from least to most terrifying) aardvarks to bears.

sunday february 18

today i chanted "cunt" in unison with a theatre full of people.

saturday february 17

today i was walking along richmond street at 8:30 am when i was stopped by a woman who really really wanted me to read her magazine that explained what the bible had to offer.

friday february 16

today i met people who had never heard of "dick in a box."

thursday february 15

today i came approximately five feet from walking directly into the path of a speeding police car with its sirens on.

wednesday february 14

today i was asked by a random middle-aged woman in a variety store if i would be her valentine.

tuesday february 13

today i discovered through youtube the only kid actor i've ever seen that rivaled michael cera in bringing consistent and incredible lols.

monday february 12

today i watched a minute-and-a-half scene from an episode of the larry sanders show four times in a row in order to fully recognize and appreciate jeffrey tambor's impeccable timing and delivery.

sunday february 11

today i purchased four cds from a guy working a booth at the centennial hall record show. the prices of these albums were as follows: $5, $5, $9, $10 (no taxes!!). after looking over the price tags twice, he appeared to write something down, as if adding up the total on paper. then he said: "that'll be 34 dollars."

saturday february 10

today i signed a legal document which stated that i wouldn't sue my mother.

friday february 9

today i was passing through my kitchen when i saw a newspaper article with the headline "canadians injured by gunfire in mexico" aligned, in the paper, directly beside an advertisement for movies on rogers digital cable. this advertisement featured a picture of governor arnold schwarzenegger as the terminator, ready to fire. the juxtaposition of this article beside this image made it appear that terminator was hiding out in mexico and was responsible for injuring canadians with his gunfire!!

thursday february 8

today i prepared to leave for school, with my coat on, my books in hand, and even my gloves on!! when i got to the door of my house to leave, however, i said aloud, "don't really wanna go," turned around, took off my gloves and coat, and stayed home.

WHOA COMMA ATTACK!!

wednesday february 7

today i today i today i experienced a bit of a breakdown, not the good kind like with instruments but more like mental. it's okay though it's okay!! i'm just taking a communication vacation!!

today i also listened to the new maximo park single for the 72nd time in 72 hours since downloading it (unrelated to breakdown). or maybe not quite such pretty numbers but close enough probably!

two things i did today, i'll show you shark-jumping, assholes!!

tuesday february 6

today i skipped a day.

monday february 5

today i opened a valentine's day card from my grandmother which was not only handmade but also had a $20 bill inside! for getting it in early, putting in some extra effort and some extra moneys, she will be my one and only 2007 valentine, sorry ladies!!

sunday february 4

today i saw my mother's bookstore on the news. it had something of a dent in its front from when an out-of-control car ran into it (after taking out a hydro pole and a stop sign!!).

saturday february 3

today i ate four small gingerbread boys and experienced vague pangs of guilt that i'd never felt while eating gingerbread men.

friday february 2

today i talked to a guy about the importance of thoroughly washing one's hands, after he made me wait forever while he did exactly this in the one-sink bathroom of the alex p. keaton.

thursday february 1

today i slept for a little while on an outdoor couch in minus-seven degree weather before moving to the indoor variety.

wednesday january 31

today i watched olympia, a documentary about the 1936 olympics, in a film class. at one point, during a sequence of highlights detailing the 10,000-meter race, three runners from finland overcame the japanese frontrunner, consecutively. one after another. as the japanese runner fell further and further back of these three, i experienced a tremendous urge to yell out "FINNISH HIM!"

tuesday january 30

today i attempted to make a mix cd composed entirely of songs in which the band repeated its own name within the lyrics (non-rap and non-monkee division). i got to 13 tracks and 41 and a half minutes before getting stuck. for now.